Do you "direct" your childrens' play?

[taubel]

I've always just let my kids play with whatever toys they want. (We do limit screen time to 1/2 hour day on school days). I never sit them down and try to make them color, learn letters, etc. 

My older two are in elementary school now and are doing fine academically. They do their homework when they come home, and then just play however they want for the rest of the evening. 

My youngest is 3.5 and goes to preschool two mornings a week. The rest of the time he's home with me. 

He barely knows his letters, is terrible at coloring (can't even hold the crayon properly), and is not interested in any arts and crafts type projects. He spends most of his day playing with Hot Wheels cars and/or building toys. 

He's allowed to watch one TV show a day (while his brothers are at school), and we usually read for a good chunk of time every day.

Should I be "schooling" him on the stuff he's not so good at? I was talking to the mothers of kids in his preschool class and they all "drill" their kids on stuff for a while every afternoon.

I always felt that kids should just do their own thing (as long as it's safe!) at this age. But we do have full day Kindergarten here, so I worry he won't be ready.

What do you all do?

[Crayfish]

This is not going to be a useful answer, because I'm not a parent. But I will say that nobody pushed me into academics as a child. I finished learning the alphabet at the beginning of first grade, a few weeks later I was plopped into the fastest reading group, and eighteen years later I was in the high-nineties-percentile in the SATs and survived a pretty intense program at college.

In other words, I have limited respect for the idea of enforcing an early start. :) I started academics _alarmingly_ late by today's standards, and it didn't harm me even a little bit. My brother did have an inherent early interest in letters and words, he started academics very early, and he and I ended up at approximately the same level academically.

At 3.5, it seems to me that it shouldn't even be possible to be 'terrible at coloring', because it seems to me that at that age, coloring should be about making wheee! big streaks of color and having fun, not working to a specified quality standard. 

I'm not saying that there's no such thing as, for example, a child who needs assistance with improving his fine motor skills or his ability to read letters. I guess I'm just saying that the insistence that four year olds today must be at the level that six year olds were when I was a child, seems unrealistic. It seems to me that it's likely to catch a lot of kids that are not developmentally ready to hold a pencil, or absorb symbols like letters and numbers, and frustrate and upset them and make them hate academics, when leaving them until they _did_ develop those abilities a few months later would have produced a much better result.

Crayfish

[taubel]

I agree! It is scary how early kids are learning how to do things these days. But this is the world we live in. I just hope my son isn't less prepared because I'm raising him like a child of the 70s! I suppose I can just wait until next year and hope he becomes interested in this stuff on his own.

[big-mama]

I do if they seem like they are bored and wandering around the house looking for something to get into because when that happens it usually ends up being something I don't want them to do.  Especially at toddler/preschool age.  So I might suggest, why don't you pretend to bake cookies in the play oven instead of them deciding to really bake cookies (or some kind of battery looking substance made of milk, eggs and the cat) in the real oven.  

As far as teaching stuff, I just add it into whatever we are doing.  Like if my toddler year old wants me to read him a book, I will read it and then point out colors, shapes, etc then later "quiz" him on it.  Or if we are playing with legos, I will tell him this one is yellow, this one is green, etc.  By doing that, he knows colors, shapes, counts to 10, recognizes numbers 1-3 and is learning letters A-C.  He already knows M is for mommy.   I don't do "school/learning time" as a separate activity just mix it in with other stuff as it comes up.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Originally Posted by big-mama 

I do if they seem like they are bored and wandering around the house looking for something to get into because when that happens it usually ends up being something I don't want them to do.  Especially at toddler/preschool age.  So I might suggest, why don't you pretend to bake cookies in the play oven instead of them deciding to really bake cookies (or some kind of battery looking substance made of milk, eggs and the cat) in the real oven.  

As far as teaching stuff, I just add it into whatever we are doing.  Like if my toddler year old wants me to read him a book, I will read it and then point out colors, shapes, etc then later "quiz" him on it.  Or if we are playing with legos, I will tell him this one is yellow, this one is green, etc.  By doing that, he knows colors, shapes, counts to 10, recognizes numbers 1-3 and is learning letters A-C.  He already knows M is for mommy.   I don't do "school/learning time" as a separate activity just mix it in with other stuff as it comes up.

I do stuff like this as well.  We never really drill the stuff.  It's more of a game in her mind I think when I ask her what color something is. 

The only other "teaching" kind of thing we do is check out books from the library from a different theme each week.  This week we are reading lots of cow books.  I've found when we focus on one thing for a while she gets really into it and picks up a lot of new words and ideas.  So this week she has learned the word "calf" and is loving finding pictures of cows, coloring pictures of cows, and talking about them. 

[dawningmama]

Scooting this over to the Toddlers forum.

[ellemenope]

Originally Posted by CrunchyChristianMama 

Originally Posted by big-mama 

I do if they seem like they are bored and wandering around the house looking for something to get into because when that happens it usually ends up being something I don't want them to do.  Especially at toddler/preschool age.  So I might suggest, why don't you pretend to bake cookies in the play oven instead of them deciding to really bake cookies (or some kind of battery looking substance made of milk, eggs and the cat) in the real oven.  

As far as teaching stuff, I just add it into whatever we are doing.  Like if my toddler year old wants me to read him a book, I will read it and then point out colors, shapes, etc then later "quiz" him on it.  Or if we are playing with legos, I will tell him this one is yellow, this one is green, etc.  By doing that, he knows colors, shapes, counts to 10, recognizes numbers 1-3 and is learning letters A-C.  He already knows M is for mommy.   I don't do "school/learning time" as a separate activity just mix it in with other stuff as it comes up.

I do stuff like this as well.  We never really drill the stuff.  It's more of a game in her mind I think when I ask her what color something is. 

The only other "teaching" kind of thing we do is check out books from the library from a different theme each week.  This week we are reading lots of cow books.  I've found when we focus on one thing for a while she gets really into it and picks up a lot of new words and ideas.  So this week she has learned the word "calf" and is loving finding pictures of cows, coloring pictures of cows, and talking about them. 

ITA.  Yes.  Play is a wonderful opportunity for learning.  But, that being said I only direct a small fraction of my toddler's play.  I will say I have been modeling pretend play to my toddler since she was a baby.  I enjoy scaffolding more mature story lines and imagination techniques for her for her to use by herself in the future, and using this play to teach her about the world.  And, I believe that this has afforded me a 2.5 year old that can entertain herself for many hours throughout the day, with only a little input from me, as well as a 2.5 who knows and understands a lot about her world.

For example, the other day we were playing with wooden animals and I took the bear into a den I made with blocks and explained that she was hibernating during the long cold winter. Or, a couple of days ago, she randomly decided that her playroom was a movie theater and the wall was the movie screen.  She came to me for pretend movies to play for her lined up stuffed animals.  This was a really neat opportunity for me to use the movie titles as a jumping off point for little subjects.  I would say, "this movie is about Africa."  And, she would tell me her made up synapsis of the movie involving animals on the Serengeti.  (Meanwhile, I am on MDC.)

Letters and colors came very naturally many many months ago.  A lot of this happened from reading those plot-less baby books.

Even if you are not there to explain the physics of his match-car play or the engineering behind his block building, his is learning a ton.  And, it sounds like you are happy with this approach to parenting.  I wouldn't worry about kindergarten.  These years before school are so special.

And, I guarantee that toddlers can learn without drilling.  In fact, I am not entirely convinced that toddler can learn anything by drilling.  I know my DD has never responded to drilling.

[physmom]

 I'm definitely in the lots of free play camp!  The only time I direct play at all is either if she has a new toy I want to show her how to use or if we want to work on something using pretend play.  What I mean by that is that DD sometimes needs to work through things.  For instance, DD has been VERY scared of baths lately so the last couple of days we've been having her stuffed animals take baths.  Normally they cry a lot first but then end up enjoy the bath since it's really hot here and the water is cool.  Her stuffed animals also remember to look up when we're washing their hair so they don't get water in their eyes.  Then sometimes DD jumps in the "bath" (usually a blue blanket) and we pretend to wash her.  It's become one of her favorite activities and has helped with her anxiety, although definitely hasn't gotten rid of it all together!

DD's been interested in numbers/colors etc for awhile but we never pushed it on her (and I honestly think that can do more harm than good) instead we'd count with her when we were going up and down steps or simply point out colors that we see around us.  Definitely no drilling, though.

[mckittre]

If my son is happy and not causing too much destruction (or I think the mess is worth it), I ignore him.  I figure he'll ask for interaction when he needs it, and learning to amuse oneself is a good skill.  My 23 month old has known colors since before 18 months, knows a couple shapes, and has no interest in letters.  His most impressive knowledge is in types of vehicles and construction equipment.  I figure he picks up what he cares about, on his own schedule.  If he's bored and wants me to do things with him, I do initiate and suggest activities or expand on his activities, but not in an academic way.  I read books, but not nearly as often as he asks for them.  I think you're doing fine - kids learn from life.

[taubel]

Thanks for all the replies! I do play with DS, but we usually play with what he wants to play with. When he's bored, I do try to lead him towards more academic activities. I like just letting him be. I was just surprised by how many mothers (from his preschool class) actually build "education" into their day in a structured sort of way.

[marispel]

We do both.  DS is 29 months and up until just 6 months ago, we couldn't stop him from playing with letters, wanting to write out the letters (with chaulk on the driveway).  He was obsessed, so we went with it.   I'm a huge believer in fun learning.  So, if we're playing with blocks we describe the color and the shape.   If we're reading a book we talked about the letters.   If he wanted to write letters with his crayons, I showed him how to hold the crayon like a pen.   If we're riding in th car we count.  He says one number then I say the next.    My DS now recognizes words and can spell a few (dog, cat, mom, dad), he can write a few letters (very poorly almost unrecognizable) and can count to 30.    

I don't think we ever "drilled" him, but we just make intertwine it with his play. 

Then, something changed and he got really interested in dump trucks and cars.  I can't get him to even look at the alphabet game that he was obsessed with a few months ago.    I just go with it and instead ask him the colors of the cars and ask him questions like, what letter does Car start with and he'll tell me C (sometimes K and sometimes nothing at all).    Which is fine with me.

I really like that he is into "Free Play" so much right now.  I miss all the "learning" he was doing because it was really cool to hear him pick things up, but now it's time for his imagination play and that is fine too.

[BeantownBaby9]

I would say I direct some, but allow free play as well.  If I allowed free play all the time, he would slide down every banister, ladder, any vertical pole type surface in my house pretending to be a fireman and singing the fireman Sam song incessantly!!! Or grab the ipad and get on youtube and fry his brain, even though I have hid the icon multiple times.  Also, the way our playroom is set up, I am soooooo OCD about organization that all the toys are in canvas cubes, so he forgets what he has so I have to suggest stuff other than what is visible. 

When we play, say with Thomas trains, I ask him to sort by color or size, or to count the wheels.  We'll still play normal, I just throw in a few questions here and there to stimulate him.  When we read at night, especially when he was younger, there's usually a challenge book out of the 3 we read, where I ask him about whatever he's learning.  Colors, numbers, shapes.  We are doing ipad learning apps and he loves it.  We have a big alphanumeric puzzle mat in the play room, we'll play number fetch....I say a number, he finds it and gets it.  He's got some shape sorters and while he sorts, we say the names of the shapes.  Of the things I just rattled off, maybe one happens per day, the rest is free play.  I also WAH full time, he's in preschool and with family, but in the time we have him, I want to feel like I am doing something other than feed him, bathe him, and put him to bed.  He was also in EI so I think I always have this feeling of keeping up with the academia so he doesn't fall behind again. 

[sunnygir1]

When my kids seem bored or are getting into trouble I make suggestions for things they might want to do.

I talk to them about colors, letters, and numbers when we read, but not a lot, and not with the intention of "drilling" or even "teaching" them.  My ds has worked with dd a little on shapes and stuff, but I really don't do that.  My intent is much more to keep them busy, engaged, and happy, rather than trying to teach them something specific or prepare them for school.

I am very protective of their childhood, their innate creativity, and their freedom.  I don't want to "ruin" their ability to think creatively or their ability to enjoy learning and exploring for pure pleasure by trying to stuff them into the "school" box.  That will happen soon enough if they go to school.

They're toddlers -- let them explore the world!