Hi there. I'm a 25 year old single mama to an 18 month old sweet girl named Asia. I love my daughter more than anything, but I'm finding it harder and harder to cope with the enormity of my responsibilities. I go to school and work, school is Tuesdays through Thursdays and I work all night Friday night so I am basically awake from Friday morning until Saturday night, unless I manage to get a nap in with Asia on Saturday afternoon. Every day is a struggle. Trying to keep up on the house, on laundry, homework, get her to daycare on time, get to school on time, and then dealing with the lack of sleep on Saturdays... this is all just wearing me down. I have no babysitter for while I work, but my parents are able to stay with her for that one night a week so that is why I work the grave shift.
The problem is that I feel so angry all the time, I always feel like I am irritable. I love my daughter so much, but I find myself getting mad at her for little things (I'll speak in a raised voice and I always sound sooo irritated---makes me feel so bad) and I don't know how to stop being this way. I hate feeling so upset all the time. I'm mad that I have to go this alone. I'm mad that her father feels no responsibility to provide for his daughter or even see his daughter. I'm mad that I never get a moments BREAK to sort my thoughts out or just... breathe. I never get a break, and I don't have options for babysitters, my parents are busy doing a mission for the church, and my sister who COULD babysit has a 6 month old baby so she is unable to help right now. I feel like I haven't had a break or a time for 'me' in months. Everytime I start thinking about all of this, it all starts building up and I get so mad at... I don't even know what. I don't know where to direct it.
I want to give her the best life I can. I feel like I sacrifice everything for her, all my time, I'm going to school so I can provide for her in the future, I work and stay awake for 36 hours straight, and she is at that stage where her life goal is to tear the house apart and get into EVERYTHING all the time, so when I try to clean, or put things away, she just pulls them all down again. I get so frustrated and I do what I can not to show my frustration around her, so I just keep it all inside and put on a happy face, but inside I feel like I'm going to explode.
This jumbled post is just a vent. I need coping mechanisms... how do you all cope? How do you manage your time? Am I the only person that feels this way? :(
Thanks for reading, if you did.