I need to vent somewhere, to someone. Somehow.

[Lacrymosa]

Hi there. I'm a 25 year old single mama to an 18 month old sweet girl named Asia. I love my daughter more than anything, but I'm finding it harder and harder to cope with the enormity of my responsibilities. I go to school and work, school is Tuesdays through Thursdays and I work all night Friday night so I am basically awake from Friday morning until Saturday night, unless I manage to get a nap in with Asia on Saturday afternoon. Every day is a struggle. Trying to keep up on the house, on laundry, homework, get her to daycare on time, get to school on time, and then dealing with the lack of sleep on Saturdays... this is all just wearing me down. I have no babysitter for while I work, but my parents are able to stay with her for that one night a week so that is why I work the grave shift.

The problem is that I feel so angry all the time, I always feel like I am irritable. I love my daughter so much, but I find myself getting mad at her for little things (I'll speak in a raised voice and I always sound sooo irritated---makes me feel so bad) and I don't know how to stop being this way. I hate feeling so upset all the time. I'm mad that I have to go this alone. I'm mad that her father feels no responsibility to provide for his daughter or even see his daughter. I'm mad that I never get a moments BREAK to sort my thoughts out or just... breathe. I never get a break, and I don't have options for babysitters, my parents are busy doing a mission for the church, and my sister who COULD babysit has a 6 month old baby so she is unable to help right now. I feel like I haven't had a break or a time for 'me' in months. Everytime I start thinking about all of this, it all starts building up and I get so mad at... I don't even know what. I don't know where to direct it.

I want to give her the best life I can. I feel like I sacrifice everything for her, all my time, I'm going to school so I can provide for her in the future, I work and stay awake for 36 hours straight, and she is at that stage where her life goal is to tear the house apart and get into EVERYTHING all the time, so when I try to clean, or put things away, she just pulls them all down again. I get so frustrated and I do what I can not to show my frustration around her, so I just keep it all inside and put on a happy face, but inside I feel like I'm going to explode.

This jumbled post is just a vent. I need coping mechanisms... how do you all cope? How do you manage your time? Am I the only person that feels this way? :(

Thanks for reading, if you did.

[Lacrymosa]

For the record I know it is not her 'life goal' to tear the house apart. ;) I know she is just learning and experiencing everything. That was just my frustrated way of describing it.

[Adaline'sMama]

First of all, it sounds like you are doing a great job! You have a lot on your plate and you have every right to be stressed out. I know you said you dont have any real options for sitters, but have you thought about a Mothers Day Out or maybe trading with your sister for a couple of hours a week (you take her kid one day, she takes yours another)? I think it is important for you to get some YOU time, even it easy to come by. I would think that leaving her with a babysitter that you dont know all that well for a couple of hours is better than being super irritated.

Good Luck!

[NolaRiordan]

I'm sorry. You have a LOT on your plate. This too shall pass.

I agree with the suggestions from the PP. Also could you maybe just ease up on the cleaning? I mean if things don't get put away it's not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. Also could you have maybe one room of your place that's designated as your DD's room that she can tear apart and it doesn't have to get cleaned up very often? When my kids were that age they had a "play room" in the basement and they could make messes down there and I just closed the door at the end of the day and chose not to think about it.

[dalia]

There is no way I could do what you are doing. You sound amazing. But you are human as well. It sounds like somethings got to give or you are gonna burn out. Is there any way, since your parents are on a mission, that they could help you in another way, perhaps with a babysitter for Saturday during the day or at the very least someone to clean your place every couple of weeks? Or maybe there is someone else who can help you? i'm sorry you are going through this. Sometimes I wish I could just jump through my computer and beam myself out there to help struggling mamas. Good luck. Your baby is so lucky to have you.