I Told you So

[big-mama]

I have this thing where I really want to tell this person "I told you so".  I know it wouldn't be a good idea and would accomplish nothing but I fantasize about it.  The person is Ex-MIL and I want to tell her that I was right and she was wrong about breastfeeding and feeding 2 week old babies solid food, etc etc. She insisted that babies have to be on a schedule and eat cereal in these special cereal feeding bottles at 2 weeks.  She "caught" me co-sleeping one time and cussed me out.  She was a real UAV about the "right way" to take care of a baby, even called CPS on me because I supposedly wasn't giving him any food (who came in, saw there was food in the house, and immediately closed the case.)  But still this stuff bugs me - and it was 20 years ago.    

[lynsage]

Let it go.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Has she seen your children in the last 20 years?  If so, you already did "tell her so".  Let who your children grew up to be speak louder than bitter words.

[big-mama]

Yes, unfortunately, she has.   I am practicing patience and Let Go and Let God and just seeing how things turn out.  On a side note, her son is a registered sex offender so there's some excellent parenting for ya right there.   Of course, she blames the victim and victims mother....UGH.

[BabyBearsMummy]

Your not doing yourself any favors holding on to it. Let it go.

For what its worth she has spent the last 20 years in your childrens lives wether or not she admits it even to herself she knows you were right.

Now its time to let it go for yourself and celebrate the results of your parenting choices. You have helped to form wonderful adult(s)

[Linda on the move]

Are you wanting to let it go? Is that why you posted this in personal growth? 

Forgiveness is sometimes a process, and may be you've made the first step. I think the first step is "to be willing to forgive."  Just wanting to let it go is a step in the right direction. You don't really have to know how to let it go, just being willing to forgive, if you knew how, is half of it.

Anger only hurts you. It's liking having cancer growing inside you. You can choose to release the anger (and clear your body) or hold on to it and nurture it.

After all, you don't need to be right. You have your kids. You have the relationship that you built with your kids. What other people think of your parenting is completely meaningless.

[big-mama]

Yeah I do want to let it go, but I want to let it go by telling her I told you so.   LOL.  I need to do more work on this. 

[lilyka]

What would happen if you did say "I told you so"?   Would you feel better?  Would it hurt your relationship?  Would she care?  I am not generally a fan of it but if its what you got to do it might be the quickest way for you to let go of the bitterness and it doesn't sound like you guys have a relationship to hurt and like she would really care that you were right.  So whats it going to hurt.  if it were me I would drive by, scream out the window "I told you so" and drive off.....

another option is to cut her some slack.  20 years ago the things you mentioned were pretty standard advice given my Dr.s  She probably was genuinely concerned.  Good for you for going against the grain before it was the hip things to do.  You paved the way for the rest of us!

Also I think her sons life is a living "I told you so".  

[mamalisa]

Sometimes it's nice to be right, sometimes it's nice to tell people about it.  Just find a mother in law thread and post about what a fool she was :)

[Linda on the move]

Would writting her a nasty letter (but NOT mailing it!) be helpful?

[Lillitu]

There is a quote I keep for when I am feeling this way: "Resentment is like letting someone live rent-free in a room inside your head."-Roger Ebert

Letting go is an exercise for YOUR well being. Not hers.

[A_Random_Phrase]

This really reminds me of an experience I had when I went to college. I lived in a small town until I was 7. My mom was a pretty liberal mom; way different from most mothers of the day. She had a neighbor who had two little boys near my age (one a few months older and one several months younger).

The neighbor was always taking off her flip flop (they were called "thongs" in those days - underpants were "underpants" and the thong type did not exist among "respectable" people) to physically discipline the boys. I thought she was mean. One little one passed gas and she was going to hit him for it (I was about 3 or 4 at the time and it didn't occur to me that she thought he was pooping his pants but, as an adult, I still don't agree with that). My mother didn't believe in corporal punishment. She believed children were people and she treated us with respect and as if she thought we had sense.

When I was 7, we moved to the other end of the state where I stayed until college age. I chose to go to college in the town where I was born. When I was there, I looked up the lady and visited her many times. On many, many visits she just marveled at how well ****'s children turned out. She had even talked to my brother (he had come to visit at least once). He was a holy terror when he was a boy, apparently, but he was so nice and respectful now. This was her reason for marveling: Your mom did everything wrong when she raised you, but you all turned out so well. I did everything right but my kids hate me. My boys won't talk to me and I'm often fighting with the daughter who is living with me. How did **** do it, when she did everything so wrong?

I just have to laugh. No ability to look at herself and say, "Hm. Maybe **** did it right and I am the one who did it wrong." It didn't offend me in the least. I'm sure my mother let it go, once she stopped having to deal with the lady (they bought our old house when we moved - that was the reason for my brother's visit: he wanted to see the painting my mom had done in the basement for him when the basement was his bedroom, to see if it was still there as well as to interview her for a book he was writing about our father).

So, yeah, best to write a letter telling her all the things you really want to say, then burn the letter as a symbolic gesture of releasing the pain and frustration, as well as acknowledging that you were right all along.

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by A_Random_Phrase 

This really reminds me of an experience I had when I went to college. I lived in a small town until I was 7. My mom was a pretty liberal mom; way different from most mothers of the day. She had a neighbor who had two little boys near my age (one a few months older and one several months younger).

The neighbor was always taking off her flip flop (they were called "thongs" in those days - underpants were "underpants" and the thong type did not exist among "respectable" people) to physically discipline the boys. I thought she was mean. One little one passed gas and she was going to hit him for it (I was about 3 or 4 at the time and it didn't occur to me that she thought he was pooping his pants but, as an adult, I still don't agree with that). My mother didn't believe in corporal punishment. She believed children were people and she treated us with respect and as if she thought we had sense.

When I was 7, we moved to the other end of the state where I stayed until college age. I chose to go to college in the town where I was born. When I was there, I looked up the lady and visited her many times. On many, many visits she just marveled at how well ****'s children turned out. She had even talked to my brother (he had come to visit at least once). He was a holy terror when he was a boy, apparently, but he was so nice and respectful now. This was her reason for marveling: Your mom did everything wrong when she raised you, but you all turned out so well. I did everything right but my kids hate me. My boys won't talk to me and I'm often fighting with the daughter who is living with me. How did **** do it, when she did everything so wrong?

I just have to laugh. No ability to look at herself and say, "Hm. Maybe **** did it right and I am the one who did it wrong." It didn't offend me in the least. I'm sure my mother let it go, once she stopped having to deal with the lady (they bought our old house when we moved - that was the reason for my brother's visit: he wanted to see the painting my mom had done in the basement for him when the basement was his bedroom, to see if it was still there as well as to interview her for a book he was writing about our father).

So, yeah, best to write a letter telling her all the things you really want to say, then burn the letter as a symbolic gesture of releasing the pain and frustration, as well as acknowledging that you were right all along.

Ha!  That is exactly what happened with me/my mom and my aunt-uncle/cousins.  My mom was the "awful" parent for being "too permissive" and not spanking.  Yeah, well, guess who's kid turned out great (if I do say so myself) and who has had to bail their kid out of jail, cover up DUI's, is completely addicted to drugs, etc.  Yeah. 

You don't have to say "I told you so" - living well is the best revenge.  It really truly is.  I'd write her a letter and burn it.  As it burns, let the resentment go and find peace in living a good life.