Am I overreacting, or would this have concerned you?

[bluedaisy]

My dd is 2 yrs and 2months old...I do a childcare swap with a friend who has a 12 month old and a 3yr 3month old (I'll refer to her as fdd)

Fdd has bunk beds in her room - the top bunk has a railing but it doesn't go all the way across, there is a space about a foot wide on each end of the railing.

DD and Fdd were playing on the top bunk and reading books.  My friend's 12 month kept wanting to climb up too so she went into another room to play with him and left dd and fdd playing on top of the bunk beds.

She said she told my dd that she was not allowed to climb off or get near the ends where there is no rail, but come on - she's 2!  DD is kind of a "daredevil" and is always trying to climb on things and jump off of things.  In addition, dd and fdd fight sometimes and fdd has pushed dd in the past and is a lot bigger than dd.  At the age of 3, fdd is not able to understand the consequences of pushing dd off the beds.

I am really freaked out by the idea that my friend would leave my dd unsupervised on top of bunk beds - she's only 2!  I'm pretty laid back about not protecting dd from every little scrape and cut, but falling off the top bunk could cause serious injury.

Would this have bothered you???

[nola79]

Yes, it would bother me. If I were your friend, I'd have taken all the kids out of the room with the bunk beds.

[Chamomile Girl]

Yeah, I would be bothered. But I think a polite request to not repeat that in the future should be all it takes.

[homeschoolingmama]

My little guy is 2yrs and 1 month and there is no way I would leave him unattended on the top bunk.  I am also very laid back.

[carmel23]

Just let her know that it bothers you and ask that it not happen again. It is better to just be timely, specific and upfront with stuff like this; not everyone has the same experiences and expectations. 

I could leave my oldest like that at 2 and he would climb down the ladder.  I probably wouldn't put another child up there that wasn't my kid.

[Marissamom]

I have the guideline that kids under 5 shouldn't be on a top bunk at all, supervised or unsupervised. I think cause that's what the warning sticker on the bunk-beds I had as a kid said. I would absolutely freak in your position. 

[TheSlingMama]

I definitely would've been freaking inside but a polite request not to repeat should be enough.

[AtYourCervices]

I would freak out, most definitely! If I was there and witnessed it, I would walk in the room and take the kids off the bunkbeds, then I'd lecture the other mom and the kids.

My ex husband's cousin died in a bunkbed accident. She was under 5 years old at the time, though I don't recall exactly how old.

Bunkbeds for preschoolers (and younger) are a BIG no-no!

[GoBecGo]

My 4yo DD has bunks and my friends 2yo DD frequently climbs on it (she sleeps in a bunk bed at home).  We took care to teach the 2yo how to climb on and off safely before we left them alone.

So no, it wouldn't freak me out at all.

[~cassie]

We have bunk beds and while my 2 1/2 yr old does get up there, he isn't allowed up when other children are on. Way too dangerous. I'd mention to your friend that it really worried you and you would really prefer she not be up there.

[bluedaisy]

Thanks for all the replies...my friend told me about this so casually that I was wondering if I was making a big deal out of nothing.

DH was really upset, and he's even more laid back about bumps and bruises than I am.

I am considering not sending dd there anymore - I had been thinking about that anyway and I guess this incident was like "the straw that broke the camel's back".  My friend has no control over her 3 year old, and I have a hard time watching her 3 year old when I have her kids.  She and my dd fight constantly, and it's really stressful having them both together.  My dd is definitely part of the problem, it's not just her kids, but she acts differently around them than around any other kids so I think their personalities just clash or something.

FDD is very high energy and is always doing things like jumping off tables, which my dd then tries to copy.  When I went to pick up my dd on Monday her daughter was jumping off a table onto a bean bag chair.  When my dd went to copy her, I stopped her and my friend commented that she had already tried it, and then my daughter jumped off head first when I was preoccupied talking to my friend.  My friend doesn't see anything wrong with these kind of things but there is HUGe difference physically between a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old.  Her dd can jump off a table and land on her feet and be fine, my dd can't do that yet and she doesn't seem to realize that.

But i know my friend is struggling financially and she tutors while I watch her kids nad the free childcare helps a lot.  I'm honestly not sure if this would end the friendship but if anything happened to dd while at her house, I would be devastated.

[colsxjack]

I would def. freak out too.

I had bunk beds as a kid and was seriously injured twice at age 6! Once splitting open my knee and needing stitches and another time splitting open my head and needing several stitches and getting a concussion. Probably less seriously injured more times too.

I think sometimes people with kids a bit older have a hard time remembering that their kids are older and better able to do some things.

[kasey08]

if anything happened to dd while at her house, I would be devastated.

Your friend would probably be devastated too! I think if you're doing the free childcare swap, it should be because it benefits everyone involved. It doesn't sound like the happiest situation right now. Just tell her it's not the right fit for you anymore, but you'd love to still have playdates and hangout.

As for bunkbed safety, I've heard tons of stories of broken arms and whatnot, even for kids who are 5+. Just because a kid 'usually' knows how to use the ladder, doesn't mean something can't happen.

[GoBecGo]

Originally Posted by kasey08 

if anything happened to dd while at her house, I would be devastated.

Your friend would probably be devastated too! I think if you're doing the free childcare swap, it should be because it benefits everyone involved. It doesn't sound like the happiest situation right now. Just tell her it's not the right fit for you anymore, but you'd love to still have playdates and hangout.

As for bunkbed safety, I've heard tons of stories of broken arms and whatnot, even for kids who are 5+. Just because a kid 'usually' knows how to use the ladder, doesn't mean something can't happen.

But something can always happen, no?  I tripped and twisted my ankle on the stairs last week, and i've been negotiating them mostly safely for 29 years!

OP if you were already unhappy with things it think you're right to follow your gut on this one.  But i will say i have a very high-energy, HN little girl, i can hear her climbing on to and jumping off of her top bunk upstairs as i type.  She is a daredevil, and yet she has only once had to go to the hospital due to an injury, and she got it running and tripping and hitting her head on a doorframe.  Not a table, bunk or etc. in sight.

I do think keeping kids safe is important, but equally i don't want to knock my DD's confidence by teaching her to fear every activity or situation where injury is possible.  I ask her "do you think that's safe" but if she says "yes" then unless it's something like running in the road i let her try it.  My father used to quote "a childhood without broken bones is a wasted childhood".

[sunnygir1]

I agree with the above poster, except perhaps the part about broken bones! 

First of all, if you are unhappy with the situation and ready for a change, you should follow that instinct.  You definitely should not continue with a childcare situation that really isn't working for you or your children just because your friend needs it.  Trust that something else will come along for both of you.

I think your reaction to the bunk bed thing might depend on your history with your friend.  My dd was a great climber at 2, and I let her climb lots of things.  I probably would not have been concerned in that situation, but, as you eluded to, the personalities of the children involved and their relationship to one another certainly are factors in their safety.  So, I think as pps said that you should talk to your friend about your comfort level with your dd climbing, ask her not to let it happen again, and let it go.

As I have let her explore, my dd has rarely (if ever) tried to get down from something and been unable to do so.  She will call for help rather than try it herself if she can't do it.  It definitely depends on the child's personality, physical ability, and cognitive development, but my dd was wired to run, jump, and climb pretty much as soon as she started walking.

I do have limits, though -- I had to remove all the little kid chairs from my home because my (not yet walking) nearly 1yo baby was using them to get on top of the table, on top of the piano, on the kitchen counter, etc.  I didn't want him to fall, and I didn't want him to get into dangerous things -- I couldn't keep things away from him once he figured out how to climb!

[peaceful_mama]

I have bunkbeds and my oldest is 6.  The 3 older kids all climb up there once in awhile--it's gotten a little boring now that they're used to it.

That said, I don't let visiting friends up there, even DS1's.  They can easily get too crazy jumping and moving around, and I'd hate to have something happen on my watch!

I definently would not let a 2 year old I was babysitting up there, even if mine does it.