I am irritated with the teacher; am I just expecting too much? or maybe I'm just a teacher's...

[dbsam]

This is not a big issue, but I am irritated.   Am I over-reacting?

I’ve been irritated by many little things, and some huge things, at my children’s school and am wondering if the accumulation of irritations is causing me to over-react to today’s events.  We switched teachers in Nov and I have not voiced any of my complaints about the new teacher.  She is a huge improvement over the first teacher and I didn’t want to be a chronic complainer with unrealistic expectations.

Anyway, my son started crying while doing homework tonight.  He said he didn’t learn the lesson today because he got in trouble.  The teacher was explaining something and having the children do the calculations on their dry erase boards.  Her rule is…nothing but the lesson is to be written on the board.  My son broke the rule by drawing a line on his board.  (My niece and daughter are in the same class and tell the same story as my son.)  So, the teacher yelled at him. (My niece said she was very mean, went on and on, and embarrassed my son. – I’m not sure exactly what the teacher said.  My niece brought this up to my sister; we didn't want to question her and make a bigger deal out of it.  I volunteer several times/week in the classroom and have a good idea of how the teacher reacted.)  The teacher also told my son he couldn’t use the dry erase board or write on anything else and had to do the lesson ‘in his head’; which he was unable to do.

So, I understand that the teacher cannot have twenty children doodling on their dry erase boards.  I also understand her making my son put his board away.  I do not like the shaming in front of the class but am beginning to realize that this seems to be standard practice.  What I don’t understand is why she couldn’t allow him to write his work with pencil and paper.  Why does part of the punishment include him missing the opportunity to learn the work?  The dry erase boards are sort of fun and special to six-year-olds.  Making him use pencil and paper w/h still been a ‘punishment’ but w/h allowed him to learn the lesson.

So, are all the issues adding up resulting in my over-reaction?  or would this bother you?

[Chamomile Girl]

It would bother me. In fact hearing about it does bother me quite a bit. Because the teacher is not allowing for the fact that different children have different learning styles and for some doodling will actually help them learn the material.

Making learning punitive is never the way towards retention.

I would call her on it, but as a teacher myself I don't think being silent about classroom issues does anyone any favors.

[Owen'nZoe]

I totally agree with Chamomile Girl. I'm always worried about becoming 'that parent', too, but I'd definitely be contacting the teacher about this one. There is no reason, as you said, that she couldn't have nicely asked him to put the board away and continue the lesson on paper. He's 6 for heaven's sake - I'm 30 years older and can't get through a meeting at work without doodling. ;)

[dbsam]

Chamomile Girl,

I agree with you about being silent helping no one.

I was afraid I've brought up so many issues in the past (with the first teacher, the school in general, etc.)  that I am getting a rep as a complainer.  I was also starting to think I expected too much - actually I've been told that by the principal.  (I want a wonderful school experience for my children; but I'm afraid my dream for the school might have been unrealistic.)

Thanks for responding.  It's nice to hear, from a teacher, that I am not expecting to much.

Owen'n'Zoe..I'm a doodler too and I know how tempting those dry erase boards can be!!

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Owen'nZoe 

I totally agree with Chamomile Girl. I'm always worried about becoming 'that parent', too, but I'd definitely be contacting the teacher about this one. There is no reason, as you said, that she couldn't have nicely asked him to put the board away and continue the lesson on paper. He's 6 for heaven's sake - I'm 30 years older and can't get through a meeting at work without doodling. ;)

I would say something too.

In my son's class (1st grade), when a fun tool is used for a lesson there are also opportunities to use it for fun--the dry erase boards being one example.

[melissa17s]

I would ask the teacher what happened.  Also, let her know what your kids said, and how it affected your ds.  Maybe she would be willing to try a different approach.  

[dbsam]

Originally Posted by melissa17s 

I would ask the teacher what happened.  Also, let her know what your kids said, and how it affected your ds.  Maybe she would be willing to try a different approach.  

I sent an email this morning asking her what happened.  I started to go into all the details but figured I would keep it simple (which is difficult for me because I ramble ) and just hear her version first.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emmeline II 

In my son's class (1st grade), when a fun tool is used for a lesson there are also opportunities to use it for fun--the dry erase boards being one example.

Adding a little fun w/b great!  Last night my son asked if he could do his homework standing up - becasue he said they rarely get to stand in school .

Melissa17's and Emmeline II, you both responded on another post of mine about my daughter's mirror writing.  So, in the past ten days, I sent the teacher three emails...one about the mirror writing, one requesting she review their report cards because there were some obvious errors (like comments about my daughter on my son's card and vice-versa.  I wanted to be sure there were no grades switched on their cards.) and now this request.  I feel like a PITA, but have been careful to word the emails in a nice way so she doesn't feel attacked.   I haven't rec'd responses yet.  I volunteered in the class for several hours yesterday morning, but do not bring up issues while volunteering.  ugh - often I think it w/b easier to homeschool!

[Emmeline II]

Gotta do whatcha gotta do ; I think those are all legitimate issues. Having two children in the same class may make it feel like you have a ton of issues, but some concern one child and some the other. Sometimes it is better to do discuss things in person in conference.

Are there any other schooling options in your area like open enrollment or charter schools? We moved ds from a regular public school to a charter (for several reasons, the attitude of the principle being part of it) and the tone of the administration and teachers is completely different.

[dbsam]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II 

Are there any other schooling options in your area like open enrollment or charter schools? We moved ds from a regular public school to a charter (for several reasons, the attitude of the principle being part of it) and the tone of the administration and teachers is completely different.

This is a charter. But it is the first year of operation so the school is still finding it's direction.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by dbsam 

Originally Posted by Emmeline II 

Are there any other schooling options in your area like open enrollment or charter schools? We moved ds from a regular public school to a charter (for several reasons, the attitude of the principle being part of it) and the tone of the administration and teachers is completely different.

This is a charter. But it is the first year of operation so the school is still finding it's direction.

Ah, well it seems that they are going the wrong way.

[Lisa1970]

You need to do something about it. Plus, in Texas, it is illegal to humiliate a child in the public schools.

[melissa17s]

I do not think you are being a PITA with your emails.  It is totally reasonable to follow up with concerns, especially when you have two kids in the same class.  If you are catching errors, they need to be resolved.  I also think your approach of working with the teacher is the good;this year, I started going once a week just to talk to my ds's teacher about his behavior and performance.  Although she always looks stressed when she sees me, we do talk about his situation and I think he is making better progress than he did when I was less active.  I regret not asking more of ds's teachers earlier.

I hope it all resolves easily and you all feel better about school.  

[journeymom]

Definitely ask her.  Just ask her to explain what happened.  You may have had unrealistic expectations for the school.  But that doesn't mean this doesn't warrant a casual investigation.  So many situations could be defused and solved satisfactorily if people would simply ask for clarification immediately and not let resentment simmer.  As well,  by simply asking the teacher about it you're letting her know that you're aware of it.  Frankly you may not have to say or do anything beyond that.

[labdogs42]

I feel your pain.  I'm worried about becoming "that mom", too.  But, I agree that you should say something.  It is hard, but you're right to speak up.  I'd also start checking into new school options, just in case.  I came here today to look for some advice about schools, too.  I have to get my thoughts together, but you'll probably see a thread from me soon on a similar topic!

[One_Girl]

I think you should just e-mail her and say that your son was very upset about what happened in class and didn't learn the material from the lesson then leave it at that unless this is an ongoing thing between this teacher and him.  I do think you need to worry about being the complainer mom to some extent because a charter school is a school of choice and in many states they can kick you out if you aren't working out for the school.  I don't think you should put up with your children being humiliated though and if you truly feel like this was a very humiliating thing for him to have to go through then I think you should pursue it. 

No matter what schooling choice you choose you will still run into teachers who don't always handle every situation well and principles who won't go all that far to back you up, especially when you are labeled as the problem parent and they have a lot of people who want in.  If you have the resources to pursue it, homeschooling can be a great way to make sure your children get the education you want them to have.

[dbsam]

Quote:

Originally Posted by One_Girl 

I think you should just e-mail her and say that your son was very upset about what happened in class and didn't learn the material from the lesson then leave it at that unless this is an ongoing thing between this teacher and him.  I do think you need to worry about being the complainer mom to some extent because a charter school is a school of choice and in many states they can kick you out if you aren't working out for the school.  I don't think you should put up with your children being humiliated though and if you truly feel like this was a very humiliating thing for him to have to go through then I think you should pursue it. 

No matter what schooling choice you choose you will still run into teachers who don't always handle every situation well and principles who won't go all that far to back you up, especially when you are labeled as the problem parent and they have a lot of people who want in.  If you have the resources to pursue it, homeschooling can be a great way to make sure your children get the education you want them to have.

I wish I w/h done as you suggested (bolded).  She never responded to my email asking her what happened.

I don't think the teacher went overboard on the 'humiliation'.  I don't love her methods and wish teachers wouldn't motivate via shame but it does seem to be the norm and this teacher is not nearly as bad as many others.  My son is very sensitive and shy; he gets embarrassed very easily.  My daughter and niece both said she 'yelled and was mean' but since neither my sister or I are yellers, simply raising a voice is considered yelling to our children.  I was mostly upset that she did not allow him to use a pencil and paper to learn the lesson.  I didn't want to make this into a huge deal, involve the principal, etc.  I thought by mentioning it to her, she would see how it affected my child and probably other children and consider a different way to handle situations like this.

I also understand that teachers may sometimes act/react in a less than desirable manner and every choice a teacher makes cannot be the right choice or the way I would handle a situation.  I do not always handle things the way I wish I would have either!

I think this school has potential.  However, I am also considering homeschooling or going back to the Montessori school where the children attended Kindy.  I'm trying to find the best fit for my children and realize I might just need to make a decision and make it work.
 

[One_Girl]

I don't know if this is any help, but I had a very hard time with my dd's transition from the hands on, family focused, preschools that fit in with my parenting and discipline philosophy to public school even though her K teacher was really mostly awesome and her second grade teacher has been amazing in almost every way.  It has been very hard to get used to less control and less say in what goes on and how things are handled.  My dd struggled a lot at the beginning of the year and I was very concerned, but I found that when I made myself act as though my dd's teacher and I get along and agree with each other 100% my dd actually started enjoying school and doing really well and my anxiety and worry about things has gone down.  When I do approach her teacher it is in the spirit of just being curious about something or bringing something to her attention and that has helped her take me seriously (at first this wasn't how it was going).  My dd loves her teacher, is doing really well, and looks forward to school again by Sunday and the change in both of our views on school really did happen when I made myself accept the loss of say and control and let many little things go while seeming to be on the same page.  I didn't brush my dd's words aside, but I did help her see why her teacher might have made the decision she did or might have been annoyed by something my dd did.  That probably also helped a lot because she began to understand how her actions affected her learning, her teacher, and her classmates.  Sorry this is rambly.  I know that it is very hard to not have the exact experience you want and the loss of say is very hard, especially when you are used to it for so long.

[dbsam]

Quote:

Originally Posted by One_Girl 

I don't know if this is any help, but I had a very hard time with my dd's transition from the hands on, family focused, preschools that fit in with my parenting and discipline philosophy to public school even though her K teacher was really mostly awesome and her second grade teacher has been amazing in almost every way.  It has been very hard to get used to less control and less say in what goes on and how things are handled.  My dd struggled a lot at the beginning of the year and I was very concerned, but I found that when I made myself act as though my dd's teacher and I get along and agree with each other 100% my dd actually started enjoying school and doing really well and my anxiety and worry about things has gone down.  When I do approach her teacher it is in the spirit of just being curious about something or bringing something to her attention and that has helped her take me seriously (at first this wasn't how it was going).  My dd loves her teacher, is doing really well, and looks forward to school again by Sunday and the change in both of our views on school really did happen when I made myself accept the loss of say and control and let many little things go while seeming to be on the same page.  I didn't brush my dd's words aside, but I did help her see why her teacher might have made the decision she did or might have been annoyed by something my dd did.  That probably also helped a lot because she began to understand how her actions affected her learning, her teacher, and her classmates.  Sorry this is rambly.  I know that it is very hard to not have the exact experience you want and the loss of say is very hard, especially when you are used to it for so long.

Thank you for your response - very good advice.  My parenting and discipline philosophies are very different than those of the school (and I realize I am only dealing with two children!).  I think you have summed up much of what I am feeling.

[BabyBearsMummy]

Originally Posted by dbsam 

So, the teacher yelled at him. (My niece said she was very mean, went on and on, and embarrassed my son. – I’m not sure exactly what the teacher said.  My niece brought this up to my sister; we didn't want to question her and make a bigger deal out of it.  I volunteer several times/week in the classroom and have a good idea of how the teacher reacted.)  The teacher also told my son he couldn’t use the dry erase board or write on anything else and had to do the lesson ‘in his head’; which he was unable to do.

This is inaproriate and unethical behavior for a teacher period. Add to that the punishment resulted in your sons inability to learn the leason concepts and I would certainly speak with the teacher if I was in your situation.

I do not feel in anyway you are over reacting. As parents we must be our children's strongest advocates.