This is pretty new to me, so I'm just looking to put it out there, hear some thoughts and experiences, etc.
So i'm in a new relationship with a lovely adoring man, and already we've built big and beautiful dreams about more children, living in the bush in a hand-built home, and all the little lovely things that fit into that picture (travelling with our brood, maybe homeschooling, a little permaculture garden, goats, a little community of like-minded folks nearby or even sharing on the property..)
The new thing here, is that there's every likelihood that I'll be the breadwinner of the family.
He has worked before and since he was 15, in a variety of jobs, but sketchy non-traditional jobs (activism, fruit picking, chef, musician, etc). What has kept him from working recently was major illness (over now), and depression (ongoing), and simply a loathing of having to crush your soul just for money.
He would work if he really had to, but unless it's a job that really suits his personality and strong values (he's a strong left-wing feral type), it would slowly crush him to do so.
He's good with money in that he spends very conservatively and would never get into irresponsible debt.
He's bad with money in that he hates working with it, having it. He would rather barter his substantial skill set for life essentials, live off the economic grid as such.
I on the other hand, have a stable job (in research/data management) that i quite like, and with easily reliable future career prospects. I might not ever earn that much, but comfortably around the $50-60k mark if full-time, potentially more if i got opportunities to develop it.
My field of work would centre in or around the city, so if we lived in the bush I'd probably have to commute; but because I like working, I could easily work in any office admin / customer service / retail / hospitality position in any town nearby.
Also, in regards to future children, while I loved being a SAHM, i also found it so damn hard (i'm a strong introvert, and find it draining), even with lots of help, and I can't decide for future children whether I'd want to do that for more than a year, IF they have a great homeschooling SAHD, and if i worked part-time and was home about half the time.
Plus, while i love having a beautiful tranquil home and productive garden, i suspect i might hate doing the work involved to maintain it. i'd much rather be working in an office than at home/garden.
(oof, i feel so obnoxious saying this. but i do think some people prefer one over the other, and that it's probably quite evenly divided).
In this scenario, the plan would be that - while i worked and commuted, he would be the homemaker and SAHparent, maybe homeschooling, cooking and keeping house, gardening, and (especially before the kids came along) building our dream home. He would supplement our income by bartering garden-grown produce, and bartering from his skill set (building, writing, drumming), maybe occasionally doing odd bits of income-producing work as they came up.
So, there it is. Sometimes i think it could work and be nice, other times i worry about whether i'd end up doing the income-producing work AND the cooking AND the parenting, especially if he was having bouts of depression (there have been frequent times like this already). Also i wonder whether i'd change my mind and resent the burden of being the income-earner.
I wonder too, if he and I were to each work just a little and scale back our income to say $20k a year, whether we could then get by just living simply in the bush, if our land and building materials were bought outright (possible), and we handbuilt our own home, and grew a lot of our food (he's vegan, i'm mixed). I'd like to have that flexibility in not having to work full time.. I would like among other things to be able to just potter around in peaceful quiet, sewing, thinking and reading..
All this is new to me, having lived a very middle class and gender-traditional life so far (yet always having feral dreams and values).
I'm sure everything depends on my particular situation and future unseens, but,