Toddler and Newborn... TV watching -- help!

[mel_mama]

Hi all!  DS is 2.25 and I also have a newborn who is 4 weeks old. During the past 4 weeks, since lil' DS arrived, we have been checking out cartoon videos from the library and my toddler has basically become obsessed with watching them.  We never really watched TV at all before and don't have cable. But since I have a newborn and have my hands full, I end up often times just popping in a video a couple times a day...and I don't want to keep this up. Any advice from people who have been there before (toddler and newborn)? Other activities I can have DS do while having my hands full w/ a fussy newborn?  I'm so exhausted and sleep-deprived and tired right now, it's so hard to have a lot of energy to put into keeping DS occupied.  Thanks!!

[principii]

Hey there!

My DD1 was 2 years 8 months when our second was born, so I can relate! Things are looking up now as Sammi is 3.5 months old.

Soooo... yep. I'd stick in a DVD too. And yep, she was ENAMORED of them! She'd ask & ask ... & it's hard to resist, when you know that it occupies them, keeps them out of your hair and weary head...!

My armory of verbal responses include:

• "not right now, sweetie" (followed by a redirect)
• "you already watched one today" (I limited myself to once, if she asked, and if she didn't, we really tried to keep it to zero)
• "in a little bit" I know, I hate making promises, b/c I'm not always good at keeping them. But this one, I really tried hard to keep. I would initiate the video later, when she hadn't asked for it. That way you're providing, preventing begging, making it seem more of a treat, and reassuring them that you do care for their interests (even though you may -- in principle! -- not want them watching too much!)
• "no, no Winnie the Pooh now. But we can sing the songs!"

My bag of tricks/alternatives include:

• checking out the books that correlate to the films, if possible. "Finding Nemo" as a book seems to occupy my DD longer than say, Pinocchio (which she hasn't seen). So if there are books that correspond to the cartoons you're watching, try those! If not, when you do check out a flick, maybe try to get a new one... that's based on a book, or a story you know. Which brings me to...
• (this could fit with the above list too) verbally rehashing the story of the cartoon, helping him learn how to tell a story, while occupying his little mind actively... I don't know what his verbal prowess is, but with DD I'd say, "Ooooh! Dory! What did she say? And then what happened?" Also helping with the forward-thinking/action-reaction/consequences-of-life train of thought.
• Sleep deprived much? Who isn't. When I was totally flat-out on my face exhausted, I would bring out the Big Guns: special things from top shelves. :-) Ours are Play-Doh, Thomas the Tank coloring books, the PENCIL SHARPENER, hehe, eraser, and magazines that she can rip pages from and glue (or try to) to thick paper with her glue stick. So long as I'm in the area & remind myself that making a mess is part of the fun & ergo occupying her, then it seems to go really well! Just make sure the Big Guns get put away, otherwise they won't be special any more. ;-) (voice of experience!! lol)
• Unsupervised play / Mommy's busy with baby. DD colors on her own, reads on her own, etc. etc. She IS needier than she was before DD2 but that has improved over time already. So long as I was nearby & she felt "included" she didn't ask for TV as much. "Included" for us means - for every smile you give the infant, give the toddler two. For every touch, every caress, every question regarding the babe, you encourage. For every "no" find two "yeses" (SOOOOO HARD!!!!!!!)... at least, two positives. "No, no cartoons now." Then once he's coloring, initiate: "Wow! You color so well! Look at that! Isn't brown a pretty color?" yadayada. 

HTH some? I know, every family is different. Bottom line, ultimate goal: make it through the day without too much TV. Without too many meltdowns. You're doing right by your kids, mama. Hang in there!!!!

[CinCanada]

Originally Posted by principii 

Hey there!

My DD1 was 2 years 8 months when our second was born, so I can relate! Things are looking up now as Sammi is 3.5 months old.

Soooo... yep. I'd stick in a DVD too. And yep, she was ENAMORED of them! She'd ask & ask ... & it's hard to resist, when you know that it occupies them, keeps them out of your hair and weary head...!

My armory of verbal responses include:

• "not right now, sweetie" (followed by a redirect)
• "you already watched one today" (I limited myself to once, if she asked, and if she didn't, we really tried to keep it to zero)
• "in a little bit" I know, I hate making promises, b/c I'm not always good at keeping them. But this one, I really tried hard to keep. I would initiate the video later, when she hadn't asked for it. That way you're providing, preventing begging, making it seem more of a treat, and reassuring them that you do care for their interests (even though you may -- in principle! -- not want them watching too much!)
• "no, no Winnie the Pooh now. But we can sing the songs!"

My bag of tricks/alternatives include:

• checking out the books that correlate to the films, if possible. "Finding Nemo" as a book seems to occupy my DD longer than say, Pinocchio (which she hasn't seen). So if there are books that correspond to the cartoons you're watching, try those! If not, when you do check out a flick, maybe try to get a new one... that's based on a book, or a story you know. Which brings me to...
• (this could fit with the above list too) verbally rehashing the story of the cartoon, helping him learn how to tell a story, while occupying his little mind actively... I don't know what his verbal prowess is, but with DD I'd say, "Ooooh! Dory! What did she say? And then what happened?" Also helping with the forward-thinking/action-reaction/consequences-of-life train of thought.
• Sleep deprived much? Who isn't. When I was totally flat-out on my face exhausted, I would bring out the Big Guns: special things from top shelves. :-) Ours are Play-Doh, Thomas the Tank coloring books, the PENCIL SHARPENER, hehe, eraser, and magazines that she can rip pages from and glue (or try to) to thick paper with her glue stick. So long as I'm in the area & remind myself that making a mess is part of the fun & ergo occupying her, then it seems to go really well! Just make sure the Big Guns get put away, otherwise they won't be special any more. ;-) (voice of experience!! lol)
• Unsupervised play / Mommy's busy with baby. DD colors on her own, reads on her own, etc. etc. She IS needier than she was before DD2 but that has improved over time already. So long as I was nearby & she felt "included" she didn't ask for TV as much. "Included" for us means - for every smile you give the infant, give the toddler two. For every touch, every caress, every question regarding the babe, you encourage. For every "no" find two "yeses" (SOOOOO HARD!!!!!!!)... at least, two positives. "No, no cartoons now." Then once he's coloring, initiate: "Wow! You color so well! Look at that! Isn't brown a pretty color?" yadayada. 

HTH some? I know, every family is different. Bottom line, ultimate goal: make it through the day without too much TV. Without too many meltdowns. You're doing right by your kids, mama. Hang in there!!!!

Thank you!!!!  These are GREAT tips that I'll have to keep in mind for the spring.  DD will be 2yrs 8mos when my new one arrives too & this has been a big concern of mine.  Thankfully our tv is in the basement which helps to keep it out of sight out of mind but also much less convenient for when I actually do need a few minutes of occupied time. 
 

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Don't beat yourself up over it.  My DD became obsessed with movies for a while after YDD was born, but it we were able to phase out of it as I was more and more able to interact with her.  I just let it happen naturally.  As my time was freed up more (baby taking more regular naps, not needing CONSTANT attention, etc) I was able to interact with ODD more and keep her from wanting to watch movies. 

Then, I set up a time of day that she understood that became movie watching time.  For us it was when she woke up from her nap.  That way if she asked in the morning I could just tell her to pick out what one she wanted to watch after she woke up from her nap.  That seemed to help.  Now she only watches PBS a little bit in the morning, but the obsession with needing to watch something all the time has subsided.

It really will get better though.  I promise.  You aren't ruining his development and future by letting him watch some movies right now so that you can maintain your sanity.  Do what you need to do for the next couple of months while you adjust to having 2 children.

[mel_mama]

Thank you so much ladies.  Your replies are SO helpful and really make me feel hopeful and optimistic that I CAN do this and we WILL get through it...in one piece.  Haha.  Thanks so much!

[YayJennie]

There's already been some awesome tips here!  I will second having a "top shelf" item that is special.  We have a wallet for my son with old credit cards and gift cards and a few coins and he LOVES that, so I know it will by me a few minutes of taking care of the baby or just sitting when I really need it.  And we also are now collecting "Charlie and Lola" books, because that's the show my son watches.  I bought 6 of those books and it works really well now to say "we can't watch Lola but we can read Lola!".  So if your toddler has a favorite show, definitely try that.

I will also say that, from my experience, the obsession can be broken.  We don't even own a TV and I don't think my son had seen more than 5 minutes of any shows before my daughter was born.  But after she came, I let him watch some of the Charlie and Lola DVDs we took out of the library and he quickly became obsessed.  He started begging for "Lola" all the time and would just zone to it.  Now my daughter is 9 weeks old and we're slowly weaning back off the DVDs now that I have a better handle on things.  I'd say he still asks to watch it every morning, but he's not begging for it multiple times a day, and we're only watching maybe 20 minutes 4-5 times a week.

But more than anything, take it easy on yourself.  I've decided that, although we are a TV free house and I really strive for 0 screen time, when I need a break, I'm glad to have the DVDs to give me a few minutes.  Especially because it is winter and it is COLD here (-23 degrees F yesterday!).  Once summer hits and my newborn is a bit older, I'm positive we'll go back to being TV free.  But do what works for now.

[principii]

Originally Posted by CrunchyChristianMama 

It really will get better though.  I promise.  You aren't ruining his development and future by letting him watch some movies right now so that you can maintain your sanity.  Do what you need to do for the next couple of months while you adjust to having 2 children.

Hear hear!!