decision help needed re: pre-K for my anxiety-prone child

[SweetPotato]

My slow-to-warm-up 5yo dd has a miXed history with preschools, and I'm having a tough time figuring out how to best prepare her for kindergarten next year.  I'm not at all concerned about "academics", but purely with her social and emotional ajustment.  Last spring she toured preschools with me (looking for the current school year), and she was so excited about it that we ended up putting her on a waitlist and she got to attend a play-based program from mid-March through the end of the school year (MWF).  She loved it, but had a bad experience the last week of school that I didn't raelly appreciate until THIS school year started at the sam school (different class/teacher/etc.- and only T/Th) and she was just hysterical.  Things got progressively worse over the first month, until I found out that, on top of the unresolved anxiety from last year's incident, the current class had found themselves with 6 different teachers over that one month (my dd has always been very sensitive about new adults, so this was especially stressful for her).  I was trying to work (my first part-time gig since she was born) during her school time, and her snowballing anxiety coupled with the inconsistency of teachers led me to pull her out of the program.  (after observing, I also thinkg that the play-based format was a bit stressful for her.  The kids would get tossed out onto a very crowded playground for the first 45minutes or so, and she seemed to spend a lot of time wandering on her own and fixating on me not being there.  In contrast, her ballet class is very structured, and I think she's just too busy "doing" to worry about where I am- if that makes sense)

Fast-forward to the present, we've recently found out that she was selected in the lotto to attend one of the awesome public choice schools starting in kindy next fall-- and we've all be talking about it a lot and the whole family is excited.  Dd is now in a Monday morning ballet class that she enjoys, and a Wed afternoon art class (that has only met once, but she was very upset about separating from me on that first day nd the teacher invited me to stay in the classroom).  Just yesterday she told me that she wishes she could go to kindergarten now, and it led me to think about a different junior-kindy program that one of the private schools in town runs.  It's a much more structured format, which I think she would enjoy-- but it would be MWF, so would cut out ballet (including the big stage recital, which I do think is great for her confidence), and would also be from 8am-11:45 (including lunch)- so almost an hour longer than her half- day kindy next year.  Alternatively, she COULD go T/Th, but I worry that the long space between Thursday and teh next Tuesday is just too long to allow her to adjust quickly- if that makes sense.  I think going more often would make it easier for her.  I guess what I'm trying to figure out, is whether getting into a regular routine with the regular separation now will make things easier for her going to kindy next year.  Then again- I thought her going a little last spring would make this past fall a cakewalk, and instead a bad experience carried over and made it harder.  I really want her to have a good feeling about school, and I just worry that this might somehow make things worse instead of better-- or that it will be hard for her to adjust to yet another different school next year.  What do you think????  I do feel strongly that, if she starts this program, she will finish out the spring there-- I don't want to give her the idea that she can just start and stop school whenever she wants to (plus there would be a large deposit that we'd lose)  If we don't go into this program, then she'll continue dance all spring and art (for the remaining 3 sessions)-- and probably take some other short community ed classes.  The problem with that is that, other than ballet, the classes are all brief in duration (maybe a month) and have different teachers and different small groups of kids-- I almost think her own regular class with consisten teacher and kids all spring would be easier.  So torn!

Seriously-- please-- any thoughts would be appreciated!

[peaceful_mama]

I was a little worried about how my DS would do in kindy too.  In all reality, I think it'll work out fine when it needs to.  ;) 

At this point with half a year left....I think what I would do personally is let her stay with her ballet class where she is already comfortable and enjoys it.  I think that lots of change is only going to be more stressful, and she will adjust to the separation for kindergarten when the time comes.

Whether she goes to this preschool thing or not, the kindergarten will still be a whole new class again with new teachers again, new kids again....it is all going to be different.  Honestly, I don't think preschool will help much, she's going to have to adjust again anyway.

I have worked in quite a few preschool/daycare settings (starting as a teenager ;)) and I agree that the places with lots of turnover in adults, that can really stress out the kids.  I would've likely pulled mine too.

She is getting some practice with separation, and I think she'll adjust to kindy when the time comes.  Also, kids change QUICK....she just might do better because she'll be older too.

And I think you're right about the 'busy' keeping their minds off you not being there--kindergarten, IME will be good for that too....my son's class is constantly occupied, they have shorter 'recesses' and several of them, one 'free-play' session a day typically...not a lot of 'unstructured' time to wander around and be sad/scared/anxious or unoccupied at all! 

I think she'll do fine!

[chattyprincess]

im also in the don't stress about it camp. Seriously it sounds as though besides an odd flung comment, she is truly enjoying life now, art and ballet. Maybe instead of paying for private the rest of this year invest that money into doing a few more classes. Maybe join your local ymca. Ours offers tons of different classes and programs but alot of similar/overlapping teachers.

I would honestly just let her start kindy next year at the awesome public school and enjoy this last bit of time with her. Dd started junior kindy this year and i miss her SO much  I wish i had taken more time to spend with her going to museums, lunch etc before this....She will be in school the rest of her life so I really think just spending some fun "lazy" mama time is good...

[LynnS6]

My reaction would be NOT to to the private pre-K but keep her in ballet and art and other classes that she enjoys. In some ways, those will build her skills for separating more because she has to deal with a new teacher every 6 weeks or so.

The difference between 4 1/2 and 5 is pretty big.

[ElliesMomma]

i would take her comment that she wishes she was in kindergarden now, just "for what it's worth" and not rush to give her a kindergarden experience now. it was just an offhand comment, perhaps letting you know that she's starting to feel ready for kindergarden.

if anything, i would instead talk with her about kindergarden as a way of getting her ready/prepping her for what to expect in kindergarden. obviously put a good spin on it, and perhaps at the same time build her up in the areas that she might need some props. use the ballet as examples of some of what kindergarden is like (ie, separating from you, but you always reunite at the end), having a teacher, being with other students, making friends, all of that.