I have on biological son who is 3 and another one on the way. I have decided this will be our last pregnancy. It has really torn our family apart. I am really okay with that, I had only ever planned to have 1 biological child any ways. We would love more children though. I always assumed adoption but now that I have to think about the details I would love some stories of how it actually works in the real world.
To be very frank race is one of the things that worries me. I don't care what color my children are but that doesn't mean other people will all feel the same, including them. Both DH and I are white. I always assumed I would adopt a child that needed us and would still love to do that. Here is my concern, and part of the reason I would like to hear more stories is because this is only one story. My best friend and her little sister where adopted growing up. Her parents where also both white, she was Vietnamese and her sister was mixed black, south east Asian and native American. Where we live some how Asian people who speak good English seem to get clumped with white people very easily and she always felt very at home with her Jewish parents and friends. Her sister didn't and had a really hard time with it in high school as she grew very tall and looked very different from her family. She ended up having to go to a boarding school for kids that where struggling with emotional stuff to catch up on all her school stuff as well.
My parents adopted my brother who is of Jamaican decent when he was 17 and he never had an issue with it but he spent most of his life in Canad and Norway so he was really used to it.
We live in a very racially diverse city but I do feel like there is quite a lot of racial tension here and I really want to look at how it is going to affect the lives of the children and how we can best deal with what may come.
The other thing is age. Nursing has been one of the best bonding experience in our lives. My son only just weaned since I got pregnant because all the milk dried up. This is something I would love to share with my adoptive children as well. I could easily go from nursing this baby that is coming when they are 3 or 4 to tandem nursing an adoptive child as well, but would that mean I would have to get a new born or I guess if I get an older baby I could express milk and give a bottle but that wouldn't accomplish the bonding quite as well.
Thanks for any advice you are willing to share. I have just started to think about this more seriously and have a lot of questions.