Help, struggling here. Right brained child.

[floiejo2]

So I am homeschooling my 6 yo dd this year. Her birthday is Sept 2 so she is technically in kindergarten, we are following our local public school's schedule as far as when we start/end school and the year she'd be in. She is a right brained (maybe whole brained) child, very stubborn, perfectionist, very artistic, creative, outside the box thinker. I am a left brained, stubborn, not that creative of a person. We think completely different. I did well in school because it was how my brain worked. It is not how her brain works. That is half the reason I decided to homeschool her, I thought I could tailor the learning to her and how she works. My problem is that I'm not sure I'll be able to homeschool her forever so it is very important that she stays where she needs to be in case we have to send her to public school in the next few years.

I believe right now she is mostly where she needs to be. We've done a mix of things so far, I don't use any one curriculum or learning style. We've been experimenting this year with many things. Right now I am mostly following the Learn at Home K book. It does seem to be a little too easy for her in most of the areas. She is a very beginning reader, we use phonics, reading eggs, starfall...but now after reading a bit about right brained learners I'm wondering if that's the best approach. She knows her numbers through 100 relatively well, she really gets confused with the teens. I also wonder if she's dyslexic on a daily basis. She wants to read from the right and is constantly mixing up words and numbers. I remind her every day that we always start on the left, she says that feels backwards to her. She can count to 100, write all the numbers depending on the day and her mood, and can do basic addition and subtraction using manipulatives. Sometimes she can figure out smaller addition problems in her head. We read tons and tons of books, mostly me reading to her. If she's in the right mood, she'll read me a bob book or something similiar. But if she doesn't know it right away, she's immediately mad and frustrated and done. She is practicing writing, we do some copy work and she also tries to write little notes on her own often. She can write her whole name. We do science experiments and are getting ready to learn about dinosaurs. Science things are usually her favorite. 

Our main problem is if something's new or feels hard to her and she doesn't get it right away, she's mad and fights me and it's really a battle. She says she hates school work and doesn't want to do it almost every day. I try to stay positive and back off if it's really a battle, but at the same time, I need her to stay where she needs to be. We both get frustrated and angry and it's just soooo mentally exhausting every single day. This is soo the opposite of what I wanted our experience to be like when we started homeschooling. I wanted it to be a fun, child lead learning experience that we both enjoyed. I think I believe more in the unschooling or very lax schedule but since we may put her in school, we can't really do that.

The only book i've read so far on right brained learning is Unicorns Are Real, a Right Brained Approach to Learning. That really is what made me decide that I'm pretty sure she's a right brained learner, she fits everything to a T. Can anyone give me some other good tools to use? If you have a right/whole brained learner, what curriculum do you use or what learning style works best for them? I need something that is relatively easy for a beginning homeschooler to use, it can't take all day, she doesn't have the attention span for that. I also have a 3 yo and a baby on the way this spring. How can I turn this around and make it a good experience for both of us, I really hate the fact that she seems to hate "school" and learning right now.

[Leersia]

Hi!  I have 8-year-old twin boys, and one of them is very RBed (I'll call him my RBS).  He is very much like your daughter, and it has been a struggle, especially in the earlier years when my expectations may have been somewhat out of line with what he was able to do.  I have a couple of ideas that might be helpful. . .

Math - we used RightStart Math when the boys were younger, but it became too cumbersome and time consuming when we got to Level C.  Now we do Singapore, and the lessons go a lot faster, so I have time for more "fun" math stuff that my kids like, and also more drill, which they need.  My RBS prefers Singapore, even though it is workbook based.  Interestingly, my RBS is much better at the oral math drill stuff (e.g., flash cards), because he has a good visual memory, but it does take him a long time to do his written work.

Reading - my RBS is just learning to read fluently after many earlier attempts and false starts.  We tried phonics, Headsprout, sight words, etc.  Now we are using the BRI books and it is the only thing that has really worked well.  Most of it is his age, I think.  He just couldn't put the sounds together to make words when he was younger.  They say that for RBed kids, 8-10 is the age where they usually start learning to read.  As far as your DDs reversals and mix-ups, I guess it could be dyslexia.  But I have heard (and experienced) that this is much more common with the visual-spatial learning style, as they can see things from 3 dimensions and so flip number and letters around easily.  The advice that I heard (from a book I'll mention below) was to get a child tested for dyslexia if they haven't picked up reading by the end of third grade (but I don't know if I'd wait that long if I really thought there was a problem).

Other - We use HWT for writing, and Ambleside Online for everything else (history, geography, literature, etc.).  We love Ambleside - it has been the greatest thing ever as it works well for BOTH of my kids.  They love the read alouds, the mapping, the art and music appreciation. It is do-able in a limited amount of time (Charlotte Mason believed in keeping lessons short). And it's free!  You just have to buy all the books. 

Cooperation - I couldn't get my RBS to do a darn thing when he was kindy age, and he still complains, but the main things that have helped us are 1) more maturity (it really does get easier)  2)  a somewhat predictable routine and 3)  letting him interject things that he really likes to do.  For example, today he really wanted to do some mapping with dinosaurs, so we did and he made a key and everyone was happy.  Oh, and games help too.  And positive reinforcement (he can play on Google Earth for a bit after all his work is done).  And visual media. 

Support for you - There is a Yahoo group called Homeschooling Creatively where parents discuss HSing RB kids.  Also, I really enjoyed a book called "Right-Brained Kids in a Left-Brained World"  Don't let the ADD subtitle throw you off - this is very much about parenting a RBed kids whether clinically ADD or not.

You're doing a great thing for her by HSing  - enjoy this time with her! 

[floiejo2]

Thank you Leersia! I will definitely look into the books and sites you recommended! At this point, anything that helps right brained kids would be great. I've been really trying to loosen up and be more flexible with how our days go, but at the same time, I've tried to implement more of a morning schedule where we get up, get dressed, eat, and then start right into learning. I've found if I give her too much free time to play or do art/projects then she's seemed to have taken up all her concentration on that and really struggles with schooling stuff. So we do the "important" stuff first and then she's allowed to have free play time, outside whenever possible, and do all of her artsy things she loves to do. I appreciate your reply!

[laohaire]

I'm the left-brained mother of a whole- or right-brained 5 year old! Hello!

I'm obviously no expert (since you have a 6 year old, you're more experienced than I am), but as a kindred spirit I'll just see what I can come up with.

Phonics - my DD is not catching on to reading like I figured she would. I don't think it's a "problem" but it's just not what I expected. DD does seem to have some ability to hear phenomes, so I continue to do phonics with her. I personally believe that phonics, if it can be learned, is the best method because it enables a person to decode and encode new words. "Sight" reading requires knowledge of every single word, and the ability to learn to read or write new ones is limited. What I've done to adjust, however, is to stop my instinctive inclination to ensure that she actually IS decoding. Previously, if she read a word, I'd be thinking "oh, she just guessed that due to context, I need to make sure she's LOOKING at the letters" or "Oh, we've read this before, she's probably memorized it." But now I'm realizing that if she is memorizing a passage or guessing on context, she's still learning in a valid way, and it WILL help her to read.

Since DD does have some ability to grasp phonics if I exaggerate the pronounciation of a word, and especially if I emphasize the specific letter I want to hear, I keep doing it. Her ability to discriminate among vowel sounds is... well, pretty nonexistent at this point. All I'm doing is relaxing about it. My top priority is to keep it fun. DH (who is also whole- or right-brained) tends to shut down if pushed into something, and DD might be the same way. I'm not even going to experiement and find out :)

Mirror writing and similar - Yes, DD does this. She seems to have very little regard for the left-to-right concept. While she does not encode, she loves to write (I'll spell out words for her, which is her favorite way to write, or she'll copy my words). But she will start in the middle of a paper and if she runs out of room she'll start wherever she wants - above the last sentence, whatever. I'm sure a big part of the problem is that we're not using lined paper. She likes to draw pictures (we have unlined paper for that) and then she'll add a caption, so it's a little different. I plan to buy some lined paper and enforce (nicely :)) that we start at the top left, then go to the right, then the next line starts *here*, etc. At age 5, I do not even comment on mirror writing yet. Oh, and DD is left-handed, so I can see why things can feel backwards to her.

Her handwriting is actually quite nice, but her strokes tend to be the opposite of mine - going from the bottom to the top, or right to left. The letters look nice so that's fine, but I wonder about fatigue. Right to left strokes maybe are ok, but I just want her strokes to be organized. This may be the "handwriting without tears" method (I'm not sure, it was just described to me by another mom I know): I happened to see a little chalkboard slate at Michael's. It's, I dunno, 3 inches wide by 5 inches tall, with a wooden frame around it. I have some pencil-sized chalks (not the big fat kinds). Some letters are grouped into "jump-up" letters, like B or D or E etc - you start from the top left, you go down, then you jump up and finish the letter. DD loves the jump-up concept. Showing her on the chalkboard seems so much more effective than just a piece of paper. Though it's a little early for me to see if it's translated into paper writing for her.

Um, frustration. I've taken the no-pressure route. I find myself asking her a question and she'll say "I don't know." And I'll ask her to guess, because I'll be thinking it's something she already was comfortable with. But that doesn't go over well. Believe me, it's not because I'm punative in any way if she guesses wrong. But it does go better without pressure. When we're doing something new, even if I think it's just the next progression and should be pretty easy for her, I will ask her but if she doesn't know I won't dwell on it - just say "it ends in T, right?" That tends to kind of perk her back up, when there's no pressure. She DOES seem to learn even though my personality would be to push her to guess. Another tactic is that if I feel she really should know the answer to the question, I'll supply a totally wrong answer. "Oh, that says banana, right?" Then she'll laugh and say "No! It says rat!" That satisfies me since I know she's paying attention. (If it backfires and she just nods yes, I'll just make a joke of it - "Yeah? Banana starts with an R? Ranana?" - cue laughter and she'll still be with me). I try hard not to dwell on any particular item. If I show her once and she's not ready to do it on her own, I'll do the next one with her too. And the third one. I've learned I can trust that she will do it on her own when she is ready, and she won't constantly need me to do everything for her. She IS motivated to master things.

So with your DD reading and not knowing a word right away, I am thinking just smoothly coming in when she's stuck might help. She'll be reading and come to a word and stop. You just say "that's 'dinosaur,' right?" and she can say "yeah, dinosaur" and move on. She WILL see the word and learn it. If it's a hot button for her I'd envision this needing to be repeated a few times before she felt safe, and maybe even a direct discussion where you tell her that from now on, if she's stuck, you'll just say the word, no fuss and no fanfare. I think with our right-brained kids, making them figure it out just backfires even though to our left-brained selves we are afraid that if we always tell them what they don't know, they'll never figure it out on their own. But I think they are really motivated to do so as long as they don't shut down before they get to that point.

It's a perfectionism thing. I realize at some point they are going to have to get beyond it, but I've come to believe that age 5 and 6 is probably pretty early for them to have that equipment. They need a foundation before they can push their own safe boundaries.

You fear being laid back since she might have to go to school. My thought is that now is the time to let her get as far ahead as she can with the way she can learn. Instead of imposing the school ways now. And maybe incorporate school style as part of the discussion, and some tactics to deal with it. For example, "DD, if you were in school and you couldn't ask me what this word was, what would you do?" Then try to work with her on whatever methods that might make sense, even if they aren't perfect - just coping mechanisms. Right-brained learners are more likely to learn something when they see the reason to learn it. Learning phonics might seem utterly pointless to them, but if they realized they could be caught in class having to decode a word, they are more likely to be able to see the value in knowing the sounds the letters make. They would not have to decode every single letter, but if you could get through "dino--" aha, right? (OK that example was bad and simplified and also left-brained, but maybe it's a thought).

OK, I gotta go, lol. 

[floiejo2]

Thanks for the reply laohaire. It is nice to know there are others with the same issues as I'm having. Our dd's sound pretty similiar. My dd also can grasp phonics to a level, that's how she's been learning to read and it's very slowly working. She just has to sound out each and every word, even if there's the same word over and over, she has to sound out each part of it each time. She doesn't remember that she's just read it. But we continue to do that and we've also been doing some sight words on her marker/chalkboard. She doesn't seem to be grasping the learn it by sight method any easier than phonics so far.

As far as handwriting, we've used the HWT workbook quite often, my dd just gets bored of it rather quickly, I think because she already knows how to write all upper and lower case letters, so maybe it's time to move onto the next book. But at the same time, I got the kindy one because she needed to review all the letters, they weren't always correct. But my dd does write completely opposite of what is "normal" and I'm surprised she is actually right-handed. She goes from bottom to top and right to left and says often she thinks that all words should be written from right the left and books should be the same way. So I constantly remind her that we have to start everything at the left. I don't care how she forms her letters as long as they end up correct, which they do. I also have her do a lot of her writing and reading and math on the chalkboard/markerboard because that really seems to work better for her than sitting down. She can't sit still for any length of time and seems to concentrate and learn better when standing up and being able to move a little.

I like your suggestion for the no pressure. I do find myself asking her things and getting somewhat frustrated even though I try to not to show it and I think she does feel pressured at times when I do not think I'm pressuring her. And she's the same with that, if she's pressured at all, she just shuts down. So I will definitely work on that. My husband is also right/whole brained and now a lot of our life is making better sense for me learning about all of this. ;)

And finally I agree about letting her learn in the best way she can right now even if we eventually have to send her to school. I believe she's right where she needs to be, even half a grade above in most areas for our local public school, so I just need to relax and do what works for her. I think I often get caught up in the worry that it's all on me and am I doing a good enough job, am I failing her....on and on because this is all so new to me and I'm still figuring it all out. And because I really don't have a lot of support from family or friends,(I have one other rl friend who homeschools) I feel like I need to prove to them that she is really smart and doing really well.

So thank you momma's for your replies, they make me feel much better. And if anyone else has suggestions, I'm very open to learning anything I can. Thanks!

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by floiejo2 

I also have her do a lot of her writing and reading and math on the chalkboard/markerboard because that really seems to work better for her than sitting down. She can't sit still for any length of time and seems to concentrate and learn better when standing up and being able to move a little.

That's awesome about the chalkboard. Mine isn't wiggly but I have read another suggestion for wiggly kids that's supposed to be effective - at least for kids who REALLY have a hard time sitting still but needing to do desk work. And that is to have two chairs for them. Anytime they want to, they can switch to the other chair and just bring along their worksheet or book or whatever. From what I've heard, they are able to keep concentrating on the work even though they are moving back and forth.

Also I read on this board recently a suggestion to use a yoga ball instead of a chair to sit on. It may just plain be more comfortable to certain kids, but also you can sort of bounce while working and both get some energy out and also kind of focus your thinking with a rhythm.

Again, thinking about maybe having to send her to school, maybe you're thinking "no way will the teacher allow this, so I can't let her get used to it." I think if it works, use it. But I'd probably mention to her that if she has to go to school, they probably won't let her use two chairs, or a yoga ball, or whatever. And point out other methods she might use instead if she must - jiggling her foot, for example. But if you DO send her to school, and a particular thing seems to really help, I'd at least try to get that concession from them. I don't know the likelihood but it's worth a shot.