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Weirded out by friend's dirty house - Page 5

post #81 of 582

I wouldn't go over there, and I definately would not accept any food that came from that house.

 

You can be tackful about picking other places to hang out, or be blunt and honest. If it's that gross, I'd go with blunt and honest.

post #82 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post

I say give her a break. I've been a single mom and it was much harder then keeping the place clean than now with 5 kids. Mac & cheese gets crusty after 5 minutes, IME, dust and grime in corners? Really, you were checking corners? I have pets and kids and the corners seem to suck up fur balls like black holes within seconds after vacuuming. Dusting I do rarely since, well, I don't care. Blood on the seat? I wouldn't care. Especially with kids in the house, I've seen that a number of times from my own reaching over with a bloody nose/smashed finger and still manage to miss every single drop. Cobwebs? My chandelier in the dining room was a Halloween specimen I just noticed and dealt with. We just never looked up until last week to notice it. I had pine needles in the house a year after I had a real tree one time-wall to wall dark carpeting and no vacuum (I was very poor and had to sweep it) until I moved out. I wouldn't think twice about pine needles. Tricky little suckers are impossible to get all up and it's one of the reasons we have a fake tree.

My point is-she's a single mom, give her a break. If you're that concerned, offer to help her out.
post #83 of 582

I was wondering about Depression also

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poddi View Post

Your friend's house sounds just like mine, and I'm a happily married SAHM. :D Maybe that's why I don't have many friends.  Although 3 people in the family are autistic and the other is borderline, so we're officially weirdo family and don't bother to hide it.   I do keep my kitchen clean, and laundry is always done on time.  But my kitchen and laundry room are in the back of the house and it's not obvious they're the only clean areas. Everywhere else is like messy and covered with dust most of the time.

 

We do clean once a month, though, it only stays clean for a couple days, so 90% of the time it'd be like your friend's home.

 

Your friend doesn't suffer from depression, does she?  I visited the homes of people with depression and they're all worse than mine, even without kids or pets to create mess.

post #84 of 582

Any one of those things, individually, wouldn't bug me (except the dead animal.)  Dirty dishes in the sink, eh.  My kitchen is covered in dirty dishes right  now because my 15 year old is in charge of them and she was "sick" last night (not really) and I let her go to bed without doing them but I didn't have time to because I was trying to get the baby to sleep and DH was dealing with the 2 year old and we both had had a REALLY long day.  Laundry, eh, I guess I grew up with PILES of laundry all over our basement because there were six of us and that's a lot of laundry.  Unvacuumed floor, it once took me 6 months to get a new vacuum after ours broke, yeah, the floor got trashed.  Even the blood on the seat, it could be that the 12 year old is new to her cycles and isn't yet all that observant about cleaning it up, I would just wipe it up and move on.

 

However, when you combine it all together, especially with the dead animal, then yeah, I think it gets gross.  I may have piles of dirty dishes in my kitchen, but my floor was vacuumed yesterday.  My toilet bowl might have been cleaned 2 weeks ago, but the trash was taken out just yesterday too.  And especially when she says "I was able to pick up" it makes me wonder what not picked up looks like.  To me, it's not about the individual issues...everyone forgets to take out the trash once in a while, has to leave the dishes, starts the 12 year old cleaning her room and then gets wrapped up in something else, whatever.  It happens.  It's when all of it is going on at the same time...and that's considered picked up, that I think it's an issue.

post #85 of 582

People keep mentioning the overflowing garbage, and it sounds like they're picturing a kitchen trash can dripping rotten food onto the floor or something. But this is what the OP said: "an overflowing trash can in the bathroom." An overflowing bathroom trash can is way different from what I picture when someone mentions "overflowing garbage" in general. Bathroom trash cans are tiny, and usually only have things like tissues in them, which are light and fluffy and fill up the can really quickly, and yeah, sometimes they'll sort of mound up on the top before I swap out the bag, but that (in an of itself, in an otherwise clean bathroom) isn't gross IMO. Also, my DH has the lovely habit of throwing away giant items (like the empty tissue box) in the bathroom trash can, so if you add even one tissue after that, guess what? It's overflowing. 

 

OP, despite what I posted above the sum total of what you describe about your friend's house would squick me out a bit too. I'd probably go to the dinner party (but eat a snack at home first so that if you're grossed out you don't have to eat much) to give her another chance -- maybe you came by on a particularly bad day and she'll clean up for the party. 

post #86 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post

People keep mentioning the overflowing garbage, and it sounds like they're picturing a kitchen trash can dripping rotten food onto the floor or something. But this is what the OP said: "an overflowing trash can in the bathroom." An overflowing bathroom trash can is way different from what I picture when someone mentions "overflowing garbage" in general. Bathroom trash cans are tiny, and usually only have things like tissues in them, which are light and fluffy and fill up the can really quickly, and yeah, sometimes they'll sort of mound up on the top before I swap out the bag, but that (in an of itself, in an otherwise clean bathroom) isn't gross IMO. Also, my DH has the lovely habit of throwing away giant items (like the empty tissue box) in the bathroom trash can, so if you add even one tissue after that, guess what? It's overflowing. 

 

I was thinking this, too. I didn't get a mental image of overflowing trash all over the place or anything.

 

OP, despite what I posted above the sum total of what you describe about your friend's house would squick me out a bit too.

This. After the second post, I kind of went "hmm". Mind you, my place isn't much better right now. We really need to get all this stuff out of the living room/office space, because it's impossible to vacuum right now. Of course, ds2 has dumped both my vanilla and a bottle of chili powder so far this morning. *sigh*
 

post #87 of 582


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by starling&diesel View Post

To the OP ... If it bothers you, that's okay.  But let me tell you that as a paramedic who goes into people's homes with no notice, that is NOTHING compared to what I see on a daily basis.  The filth, the junk, the rot and mold and animal feces, and bathrooms with excrement and piss and dirty tampons and used condoms everywhere, cockroaches and overflowing ash trays, bathtubs with festering water in them, blood on the walls and ceilings, litter boxes that have *never* been cleaned, the fung of sheets that have *never* been changed, carpets black with dirt, walls yellow with nicotine, heaps of dirty disposable diapers chucked in the corner, food dripping out of broken refrigerators. And it's not like we're always barging in there to do CPR ... folks often are calling us for minor tummy aches or sprained ankles and still let us in to their squalor rather than haul their sorry butts to a local clinic.   And yes, very often children live in these environments. (And yes, I am a mandated reporter for anyone who's about to hit quote to ask.)

 

And to philomom ... I can't make the quote thing work tonight for some reason, but you commented: "Poor kids. Their permanent memories are being made in that house. They will most likely grow up to have nasty houses just like their parents. So sad."  I can say from my own experience that many, many children who grow up in filth become adults with lovely, clean homes.  I don't let my toddler go to my parents' house to visit because of the conditions there, but my home is clean and uncluttered and quite gorgeous, thanks to not wanting to perpetuate the cycle.  

I think I'm going to be sick thinking of that....ewww. 

 

To the OP, I would probably not be able to eat in a house like that.  I am not a neat person at all and a few days of my laundry can look like a month's worth (6 people and a bedwetter), but I don't allow people to come into my house until all bathrooms have been cleaned and my kitchen is presentable.  I had some friends who had a clean house, but 6 Labradors and I couldn't eat at their house because of the smell.  I get grossed out easily when it comes to food.    
 

post #88 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom View Post
 I had some friends who had a clean house, but 6 Labradors and I couldn't eat at their house because of the smell.  I get grossed out easily when it comes to food.    

 

 

Yeah.....there's doggy smell, and then there's DOGGY smell. Labs tend to reek....I grew up with Golden Retrievers. The thing is, people who have big smelly dogs are often like people who smoke....they can't smell it. The woman who watched my boys when they were little had a small home daycare and her house was tidy, the kids were fed good food, and they were clean when I picked them up....but they smelled so strongly of Black Lab at the end of the day that I'd bathe them almost as soon as we got home. lol
 

post #89 of 582
Dog smell makes me sick, too. We have a bc/lab mix and even having had her for 4 years the smell still makes me nauseous. No matter how much I clean it's always there...
post #90 of 582



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by starling&diesel View Post

To the OP ... If it bothers you, that's okay.  But let me tell you that as a paramedic who goes into people's homes with no notice, that is NOTHING compared to what I see on a daily basis.  The filth, the junk, the rot and mold and animal feces, and bathrooms with excrement and piss and dirty tampons and used condoms everywhere, cockroaches and overflowing ash trays, bathtubs with festering water in them, blood on the walls and ceilings, litter boxes that have *never* been cleaned, the fung of sheets that have *never* been changed, carpets black with dirt, walls yellow with nicotine, heaps of dirty disposable diapers chucked in the corner, food dripping out of broken refrigerators. And it's not like we're always barging in there to do CPR ... folks often are calling us for minor tummy aches or sprained ankles and still let us in to their squalor rather than haul their sorry butts to a local clinic.   And yes, very often children live in these environments. (And yes, I am a mandated reporter for anyone who's about to hit quote to ask.)

 

That is disgusting. I can't even imagine.

 

I'm grossed out by smells. Dog smell, cat litter box smell, smoke smell, garbage smell, etc. I'd rather be in a home that smells nice and has some clutter/laundry/dishes than an immacualte one where the people smoke inside or have big dogs. (or both, like some of my family members)

 

post #91 of 582

I would be have a hard time working up a good appetite in the house. But I'm overly sensitive to that kind of thing. I can't even stand people talking about unpleasant things while I'm eating.

 

I will say, the lizard doesn't freak me out. Maybe it really is mummifying under the light. What's so wrong with that, assuming they took good care of it while it was alive?  I have a mummified horned lizard on my shelf that I found in the desert. I also have a collection of animal skulls, snake skins, and a tarantula shell.

post #92 of 582

I'm sooo glad I don't have carpeting. DD hates the vacuum and we couldn't even keep one rug clean because of that.

post #93 of 582

Apart from the blood on the toilet and overflowing trash can I don't see the problem ~ and I'm a person who hates clutter and mess.  The house sounds a little unkempt and cluttered, but as long as it's not raging filth shrug.gif

post #94 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

I'm sooo glad I don't have carpeting. DD hates the vacuum and we couldn't even keep one rug clean because of that.



Carpet is evil. We're renters, and aren't allowed to change the flooring, and we have carpets in the dining area! It drives me nuts, especially since I'm on my second toddler in this place. Disgusting.

post #95 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

Carpet is evil. We're renters, and aren't allowed to change the flooring, and we have carpets in the dining area! It drives me nuts, especially since I'm on my second toddler in this place. Disgusting.


I agree. When we lived in an apartment with carpet in the dining room I put a large throw rug under the table so that I could take it up and clean it (which was a pain, but at least doable). And that was pre-kids! Our last place had carpet in the bathroom, which completely grossed me out as well. 

post #96 of 582

The blood on the toilet could very well have been an accident that nobody had noticed yet, gross but it happens. Laundry piled up - come to my house, there is a constant pile of laundry. It seems that as soon as I finish my laundry, there is already a new load to be done. The dead lizard is gross... but I'm of the opinion that stuff like this may not gross other people out. Carpet is pretty gross in general imo - even when you vacuum, it still harbors dust and whatever else. Like others have said, I would try and see her for the person she is, and not for her clutter/uncleanliness.

post #97 of 582

On Saturday I went to a friend's house and totally thought of this thread.  We were over for a play date and while the kids were playing we were in the kitchen.  I put my hand down on the counter and was met with tons of crumbs.  Eh, what are you going to do?  Her granite totally hides stuff like that (I didn't see the crumbs at all) and I would never judge based on something like that.  I assume it got missed or a kid came along and did it after she cleaned the last time.

 

And my husband just took down the living room tree last night.  So what is currently in my living room?  Yep, needles.  How I can get that many needles from a fake tree I'll never understand.  And you see it right away when you walk in the door.  You know, through the two giant ladders currently up in the foyer for tree removal.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

Carpet is evil. We're renters, and aren't allowed to change the flooring, and we have carpets in the dining area! It drives me nuts, especially since I'm on my second toddler in this place. Disgusting.


I agree. When we lived in an apartment with carpet in the dining room I put a large throw rug under the table so that I could take it up and clean it (which was a pain, but at least doable). And that was pre-kids! Our last place had carpet in the bathroom, which completely grossed me out as well. 


We have carpet in both our dining rooms.  WHO DOES THAT???  Drives me fricking insane.  Cannot wait to be able to rip it out.

post #98 of 582
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristyMarie View Post

On Saturday I went to a friend's house and totally thought of this thread.  We were over for a play date and while the kids were playing we were in the kitchen.  I put my hand down on the counter and was met with tons of crumbs.  Eh, what are you going to do?  Her granite totally hides stuff like that (I didn't see the crumbs at all) and I would never judge based on something like that.  I assume it got missed or a kid came along and did it after she cleaned the last time.

 

You are lucky it was just crumbs!

 

I'm a decent housekeeper, but we have granite counter tops and kids old enough to get their own food. It does not work. It is totally disfunctional. It's making it me weirdly obsessed with wiping off all the counters every time I walk into the kitchen because of the number of times I've sat something down only to discover it's now in something sticky, buttery, etc.

 

My DH went in to make himself some toast and and started screaming "I hate these f*cking* countertops"

 

(It's a beautiful kitchen with tile floors, stainless appliances, etc., but it's driving us bonkers!)

post #99 of 582

 

Quote:

Honestly, it squicked me out so much I had to go clean something in my own house.

 

That's me. When I get home from a dirty house, I have to clean ours'.

post #100 of 582

Reading this thread made me realize that there are things that I might notice in other people's houses that I don't even see in my own, since I just get used to overlooking things I see every day. Like the food drips my DH left on the front of the stove, and the sticky spots on the kitchen floor under the kitchen table from kid juice drips. After reading this thread, I had to scrub my kitchen floor on hands and knees- it was getting pretty yucky. I'm okay with my house looking somewhat 'cluttered'- given my DH's tendencies, that's kind of unavoidable unless I want to fight him every single day- but I don't want it to look 'dirty'.

 

Oh, and I will second what starling&diesel said re: being a paramedic and seeing some REALLY bad houses. I had to do a home health clinical in nursing school, and some of the houses I had to go into had cat ammonia smell so strong it would just about knock you down, garbage everywhere, you name it. Maybe that's why I'm kind of relaxed these days about things like crumbs on the floor or some dirty dishes on the counters, in an otherwise reasonable picked up house. Seeing hoarder-type houses gave me some major perspective on my own house- it's really not that bad by comparison to those.

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