Can't catch up, whiney kids, crabby mama.

[sunnygir1]

I'm just having a lot of rough moments right now and could use some fresh ideas and support.

I feel like I can't keep up with housework, projects, paperwork, etc.  I am lucky if dd's room and the toy room get cleaned up every week or two, much less every day.  There are days that I don't see the kitchen counter.  The clean laundry may get folded and put away once every week or two (and we don't have room to store it in the laundry room, so it's usually stacked up in our living/dining room).  I think I've forgotten what a mop looks like, and I don't remember the last time I had a clean window in my house (or my car!).

I just FINALLY got out some bigger clothes because the kids had outgrown so many, and am in the process of sorting and moving out the too-small clothes and hopefully some toys (we have way too many after Christmas).

I am having trouble being nice to my almost 4yo daughter.  She whines things like, "I'm hungry," about ten times as often as she remembers to ask me nicely for what she needs.  She is demanding and not very nice about 1/3 to 1/2 of the time.  She is great when she's eating and when I'm cuddling with her or reading to her.  She does play nicely on her own, and she does speak to me politely, but she also gets very whiney and mean.

Ds is 16 months and screams a lot, he kicks and screams for about half of his diaper changes.  He and his sister scream at each other over toys.  He wants everything he can't have, and gets really mad about it -- laptop, telephone, markers, other dangerous items.  Dd has taken to piling toys up on the window sills so he can't get them...the back of the couch, the piano, and the table are generally covered as well.

I am fed up with the mess and the whining.  I don't always respond in the best way to my children.  I feel like a failure for not being able to do a better job at housekeeping and taking great care of my children.  I mean, they are well fed and nurtured and have everything they need, but I also yell at them sometimes and don't always think of the best and most appropriate response.  Am I alone here?  Really, I wonder how people do it.  I don't like complaining all the time, but this list of complaints is pretty consistent with me lately.  Help me get out of my rut!  If I focus on the kids, the house goes even more in the toilet.  If I focus on the house, I yell at my kids.  How do you find the balance?

[K1329]

I think you're at the toughest stage right now - for me when ds was 18 mos. and dd was 4 was a difficult time. Kids that age are more demanding of their parents time, and, less able to help and do self care. Remind yourself that it does get easier. What helped me was the occasional break - do you have a regular break? Dh would stay home so I could get out for awhile, my parents provided the occasional break, my older child was enrolled in (and loved) preschool. Also, I just couldn't do it all. I had to lower my standards. I decided to keep my house "drop in ready". Not necessarily clean/perfect, but, good enough so that I wouldn't feel embarrassed if someone dropped by for a visit. I gave up on alot of expectations and just judged the success of my day on if it was a "positive" day - if I kept the mood of the house positive - not by what got done or (more than likely) didn't get done. When I found myself really frustrated, getting out of the house often worked to lighten the mood - a walk around the block, trip to the store, etc.

Good luck, I don't miss those days. But, now, at 7 and 4, my kids play together for hours at a time and I (finally!) have some time back to myself to relax and recharge. Hang in there!

[pianojazzgirl]

Oh yeah, my kids are 3 yrs apart and when they were 1(ish) and 4(ish) it was the most difficult time I've had of parenting yet.  But, like the pp now that they are older (they're 6 and 3) they play together for hours and my house has never been so clean (not that it's spotless... I'm a slob by nature, lol... but I can get around to laundry, picking up toys, doing dishes and all that fun stuff every day), and I even get to sneak time on MDC, lol!  So, try to forgive yourself the messes.  Trust that it will get easier and easier as the months pass.

I think the pp's idea of nurturing yourself is probably the best thing you can do right now.  And de-cluttering is your friend too.  Minimizing toys = minimizing mess. 

[newbie_mary]

Have you thought about getting a sitter a couple of hours a week?  In my experience, even 2 or 3 hours of time for myself (even just to catch up on house stuff!)  makes a world of difference in my sanity.  It's all well and good for people to say, "oh, don't worry about the housework, they're only little once", but the truth (for me, at least) is that you never, ever get caught up unless you schedule time for it, and my mental state can be very affected by the physical state of my surroundings.

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by newbie_mary 

Have you thought about getting a sitter a couple of hours a week?  In my experience, even 2 or 3 hours of time for myself (even just to catch up on house stuff!)  makes a world of difference in my sanity.  It's all well and good for people to say, "oh, don't worry about the housework, they're only little once", but the truth (for me, at least) is that you never, ever get caught up unless you schedule time for it, and my mental state can be very affected by the physical state of my surroundings.

Yes, I've thought about it.  I have them in daycare 2 days a week while I work (my work almost pays for the daycare!) and I recently put them in another half day so I would have a few hours to run errands, have tea with a friend, cook, clean, read a book, take a bath, work on the taxes, sort kids' clothes and toys.

Thanks for the reminder about the clutter.  I am terrible about this.  I have trouble getting rid of things that I think I/we will use or should use or whatever.  I also have trouble finding the time to sort through things and dispose of them properly.  I can't bring myself to throw useful things in the garbage, so I'm forever passing them on to other people, giving stuff to the Goodwill, giving clothes to a local organization that gives them away to people who need them, etc.  So, I have to sort our things for what we need/use and what we don't, then I have to sort the outgoing stuff into the appropriate bag and then deliver it to the right place.  I am on the brink of moving another load out, and our chest freezer is covered with bags and boxes almost ready to head to their new homes.

Thank you all for your thoughts and support.  I WISH I could get my house "drop in ready" I dont' feel very close to that right now either.  Maybe I should just bite the bullet and either take a week off work or hire a sitter to come play with the kids so I can get caught up.