My son is now 2 years old, but I still feel traumatized by one aspect of his birth-- the long and complicated stitch up. I birthed in the hospital with midwives, but I feel I did more "purple pushing" than I really should have. Also, my son had a nuchal hand, which made the pushing quite hard.
After he was born I felt none of the bliss I expected to feel from natural childbirth. In fact, a few minutes into the stitch up, I was literally asking if I could get an epidural after not wanting one at all during the labor or delivery. It was so painful. I could NOT enjoy holding my son or looking at him or nursing him. The photos of the two of us after the birth are painful for me to look at b/c all I remember is the searing pain of the stitch up.
It was a 90 minute stitch up and my midwives consulted with 2 different OBs to get the job done properly. I cringe writing this b/c it ruined the moments I was so looking forward to as a new mother. I had expected to just "fall in love" with my baby. Instead I was just crying in pain and trying to hold myself together as they stitched.
I am grateful it was only a 2nd degree tear, but I am so fearful that my next birth will be like this. I am due on August, and hoping to give birth in the water (will this help?) in a birth center or at home.
It took me a full year to have sex without pain. At 6 months it was still too painful.
I don't want to dwell on this any longer, and I also do not want it to happen again.
Any suggestions for the next time around? Any suggestions to help me stop worrying/thinking about it.
Thanks for listening,