How can I help my nursling adjust to abrupt separation from me?

[babygrey]

Mamas, it hurts me to even write this, but I need some advice. I have a 21mo nursling who nurses anywhere from 2-5x/day and is NOT nightweaned (we cosleep)

2 weeks ago, STBXH walked out on us and disappeared. I've heard nothing from him until today when I got a call from his attorney stating he wants standard weekend overnight visitation w/ DD. He wants to start this weekend. I have legal counsel. In my state, bc DD is over 18mo, that is apparently standard (what 18mo is ready to be sep from mama for a whole weekend??) I've asked if they might make an exception bc of the nursing, and have been told it doesn't seem likely. There are some other factors in my specific case that might cause a judge to not grant him standard visits, so I'm not looking for legal advice right now...

What I'm looking for is nursing advice. Let's say worse-case scenario happens and DD has to go this weekend Friday eve-Sunday eve. How can I best prepare her nursing-wise? She and I are really not ready to wean AT ALL, esp with the stress of all this, she's been nursing a lot more. I was planning to just tandem her with the new babes. Would it be kinder to her to spend the rest of this week weaning? She's never been away from me for 24 hours- will she lose interest in nursing? My supply is crappy bc of the pg and the only thing keeping even a tiny trickle of milk is her suck. Will three days be enough for me to be totally dry? I'm not sure pumping at 29wks pg is the worlds best idea?

Ugh. This hurts. All I can picture is her awake all night crying for me and her milks. Any advice is welcome. 

[Siera]

I'm so sorry. I really have no advice, but I couldn't read your post without responding with a big "hug"!  That really sucks.  I don't know what I would do or suggest.  I hope some more experienced moms out there can help you.

[JMJ]

Big hugs, mama.  I wouldn't change anything until you have a permanent solution.  Sometimes, the easiest way to make that adjustment (if it has to be made) is to have you not there and to be with someone else she trusts.  If things really go that terribly, would he be willing to bring her back to you.  It sounds like it's all happening really fast.  You're her mama and can make the best decision for her.  I just wouldn't jump into something permanent like weaning before permanent decisions are made.

[lisko15]

Man, this stinks. I couldn't not respond... and I'm just really, really sorry.

My DD's dad and I split when she was 7 months, and we started overnights at 13 months once she was weaned, so I can't answer how to help with that. (Although with you NOT there it will be easier on her. Does STBXH have a crib or a safe place to stay with her? If not, that could be a reason not to start them YET.)

However, with the overnights we did, DD was only away from me from early afternoon until late morning. Would your STBXH be willing to do that instead? Maybe Saturday to Sunday????

I can't believe they are doing a full weekend visit abruptly like that. XH and I had planned to start full weekend visits once DD was like 3. (These never happened, because of issues with XH, overnight visits were completely taken away and have never been given back...)

My heart just breaks for you and DD, and those little babies in your tummy. I've been there and given the "other issues" you mentioned, I can only imagine what you are going through.

Big Hugs...

[Super~Single~Mama]

Ok, I get that you aren't looking for advice with the courts, so I won't give you that.  I am a single mama, and my ds spends EOW with his dad, along with one week night each week - it works out to 3 day weekends EOW, and one night the off week.  He just turned 2, and has been doing this since he was 11mo.  We nursed until just recently (he asks to nurse about 2-3x/week right now), and he was just fine on overnights without me.  The first one was the worst.  That one was bad (but he was 11mo, not 21mo - totally different ball game!!), but after that he was fine.  Like, didn't phase him a bit.

He always just picked up nursing right away, and would be slightly clingy the rest of the night - but b/c he has a very loving relationship with his daddy, he was completely fine.  I would just talk to her about it - tell her that she is going to daddy's, that she will come home after 2 nights, and that you will see her soon.  I highly doubt she will lose interest in nursing just yet.  I went on a weeklong trip out of the country when my ds was her age, and he wanted to nurse like crazy after I got back (he stayed with his dad, I couldn't take him since it was for school).

And, here I go with a little bit of advice - you don't have to agree unless a judge makes you.  I would NOT agree unless there is a court order that states what time she is coming back - at this point you both have equal rights to her and either one of you can just up and take her (unless a court action has been filed - then that changes thing).  I would not agree though unless you have something in writing from either him, or his attorney, about when he is bringing her back.

Have you been to the single parenting forum here?  It's great.  I love it.

ETA - if there are other factors that might make a judge hesitate to give visitation - DO NOT AGREE.  I know you aren't looking for legal advice, I'm sorry I'm giving it to you.  BUT - if YOU agree to visitation, and then ask for no more, it WILL NOT BE TAKEN FROM HIM.  (barring extraordinary situations like abuse DURING the visit you granted) - you agreeing to him having visitation before a judge orders it shows that you feel safe with her having visitation.  If you want him to have supervised, offer that now and don't agree to anything else (it will count against you).  You said you have legal counsel - make his atty communicate with you through your attorney - he's not allowed to speak with you directly since you are represented.