Nightweaning 3 yo?

[kdaisy]

I could really use some support right about now.  :(  It is 3 am and I have had to remove myself from our bed just so people will sleep!  My nearly 3yo nurses at least 3 times a night, some of those sessions lasting around 45 minutes.  I find sometimes if I just get up out of frustration and leave him he instantly falls asleep.

He has never slept through the night, has always been an intense nurser.  It has been only until recently that he has stopped fully waking in the middle of the night and wanted to get up.  And frankly, I have been too chicken to even attempt nightweaning.  He has completely lost it on times when I have refused it.  I have read guides on nightweaning and always thought..."yeah, but you don't know my kid..."

We have a 6 mo now, who sleeps great.  But it makes his nursing much more uncomfortable for me as he is draped over my ribs and side to reach me.  He fidgets and pinches and scratches me in a way that comforts him, but drives me crazy.  And even though tandem nursing has been going ok, it is during the night that I really have aversions and it really makes me not so nice.

His sleep is affected by all of this nursing.  He sleeps in late because he is tired from nursing all night.  Which gives him a late nap, which pushes his bedtime to midnight some nights!

But I just don't know how to nightwean him when we are already nursing in bed.  And DH has always been resistant to nightweaning.  The current system works just fine for him (except for the late evenings.)  Sometimes he will be woken by DS and say to him, "have some milk and go to sleep."  Argh!  He still worries that DS is hungry at night, like an infant breastfeeding.

I am so sorry this post is so rambling and makes no sense.  I know I sound like a crazy woman.  I remember when I was pregnant with DS and reading about the difficult sleepers.  I would shake my head and say, "jeesh, that will never be me."  I hope all of those people are getting some sleep now...

I said last year, that when he turned 2 we were going to nightwean...now it is year later and I am saying the same thing.  I guess I just want someone to tell me to do it, and that it will work and that everyone won't be traumatized.  I guess I am also writing this so that tomorrow night I just don't take the path of least resistance and do what we do every night. 

If you have read all of this, thanks for reading!

[bodhitree]

You can do it! And he probably will sleep better once he knows that he can't nurse all night.

[JuliMummy]

Does he respond well to rewards? You could have a sticker chart or something like that to encourage night-weaning. He's definitely old enough to be reasoned with. You could explain to him that he's a big boy now and big boys don't nurse at night, and then let him do some big boy things he enjoys during the day.

I assume you all share a bed? Have you considered a toddler bed for him? He might even like the idea of a "big boy bed". And this might make night-weaning him a lot easier when he is not right next to you while you're feeding the baby.

[Rlin]

I understand. Really I do. But you need sleep to be a patient mom and he needs sleep as well.

I nightweaned DS very slowly. And sometimes I let him nurse at night still. But he knows it is the exeption now. DS is 2,5y old. I started around his 2nd birthday with the endless nursing sessions that irritated me. I told him he could nurse, but for 5 minutes and then he should go back to sleep. And just tried it over and over again until it worked (took about a week). This made my life so much better that I left it at that for a few months. He woke about 3 times.

The next step was that I told him he could nurse before I went to bed (around 11pm)  as often as he liked, but when I wanted to sleep he couldn't nurse, but I would cuddle (and co-sleep). When it starts to get light (or for us, when the tram starts driving again) he can nurse (around 5am). I told him I would nurse him during the day if he asks me, but I need to sleep at night. We had a few rough nights, where he cried and he was angry. I also made sure he ate something after dinner before bed so he wasn't hungry. He sometimes still gets angry, but it doesn't last long (5mins). I try to keep things practical, he sometimes wakes at 4:30, and I nurse him then. He now goes back to sleep within 5 mins and sleeps until he wakes up for the day around 7am. I don't make him wait half an hour, just because it isn't 5am yet. He started sleeping better. He wakes up around 12/1am, I go to him (his bed is in our room), cuddle him back to sleep and he sleeps until 5am. 7 out of 10 times it is without any crying, just a cuddle and he sleeps. This works for me now. Two wakings, nursing once. He used to nurse for a while before he would get up with DH, but he dropped that morning session on his own. He goes to DH, cuddles and kisses and then gets up with him to get breakfast.

Good luck!