or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Stay at Home Parents › Article: Regrets of a SAHM. Thoughts?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Article: Regrets of a SAHM. Thoughts? - Page 11

post #201 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by 4myfinn View Post

We will always find a way to pay the bills.  And a career is just that- a way to pay the bills.

 




Well actually I think the point of the PP was that for some women a career is not just a way to pay the bills, but instead vital to identity and well being. Obviously for women like this being a SAHM is not a good decision.

I'm guessing she made the assumption that hourly wage earners generally don't have the same sort of identity investment in their jobs and so are less likely to suffer alienation as a result of SAHMing.

ETA: Because the above is how I understand her line of thought I don;t see how its offensive. I think some folks are looking a little hard for reasons to take stuff personally.

 

Yeah, to me having a career is an essential part of who I am - I could never SAH - I need to have an identity outside of mom-hood, and I need to talk about things other than teeth and spit up occasionally.  SAHM would be drive me up the wall insane, and I would probably end up running away.  Not good for me, and not good for my baby.

 

see, i agree with everything else you said. but the above is pretty obnoxious.  just cause you're a SAHM doesn't mean that that is all you think about.  Do doctors only talk about their medical stuff? seriously?  i know that it is easy for some people to focus 100% on their kids.  but just cause i SAH doesn't mean i don't have a life outside of my kids, that i don't participate in other things that interest me outside of my family. anymore or less than a WOHM.  and that attitude is as much a part of the mommy wars as saying that you don't care as much as i do cause you WOH.

 


No one is saying that SAHM's are lazy - the one thing we ALL have in common is momhood, and I think I say that ALL of us know that mom's are NOT lazy.  Children don't raise themselves, whether mom works in the home raising kids full time, or kids go to daycare while mom works out of the home.

 

BUT - if you are a career woman, and you LOVE your job (heck, if you are hourly wage worker and you LOVE your job), think twice before quitting to raise kids, b/c you may not LOVE being a SAHM.  All mom's work hard.  ALL mom's work hard.  Some just choose a different path.  And if a mom LOVES her job before kids, she should probably think twice before leaving it, b/c in this economy, it may not be so easy to get it back.

 

ETA - this is not to say that someone who LOVED their job before quitting will regret quitting to become a SAHM, just that it shouldn't be a decision taken lightly or made spur of the moment.

post #202 of 242

"Yeah, to me having a career is an essential part of who I am - I could never SAH - I need to have an identity outside of mom-hood, and I need to talk about things other than teeth and spit up occasionally. SAHM would be drive me up the wall insane, and I would probably end up running away. Not good for me, and not good for my baby."

 

 

I'm pretty offended by that too. Just because I've been a stay at home mom for nearly 7 years doesn't mean my brain has turned to mush and I'm unable to carry on a coherent conversation about something other than vomit. I have an identity other than being a mom. I'm also a daughter, a sister, a friend, a neighbor, a volunteer, and countless other things. Yes, some days I feel like I'm going nuts and want to head for the hills but I'm strong and can get through the rough patches.

post #203 of 242
Y'all have been lucky then, because in most of the circles/playgroups I have been exposed to all people want to talk about are their kids (ie. teeth and spit-up). I'm like "hey, what do you think about what's going on in Egypt" and people are like, "Um. So did you know the Gap is having a sale on onsies?"

Ugg!

Disclaimer: This does not mean that all SAHMs have mushy brains as stated by a PP. I know that talking about mom-ish subjects too much makes my brain mushy though, as well as making me want to chew through the prison of my current circumstances with my teeth.

We all have the filter of our own experience. Seriously guys, stop taking everything so personally!
post #204 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherAtHome View Post

I know what she means. If you have an actual career that is your life's passion and very important to you, don't quit! (Or think twice about it) If you're working at a crappy, low paying job, chances are you can save more money by being at home and if you DID need to work again, it isn't that hard to get back into the grind. No advancement opportunities means 5-10-20 years later, you're working at the same level you were in the beginning, whether or not you took time off to be a SAHP. It sucks, but it's true. At least in the work I'm thinking of. 




What does that have to do with being an hourly wage earner? What about nurses and medical techs and hundreds of other jobs that require education, dedication, and still pay hourly? That's not "any old job", and some people love their factory jobs and waitressing jobs. They don't just take them because it's the first thing they find. And ambition isn't everything. There are ambitious nurses who make hourly wages and there are unambitious lawyers.


I used different wording. I made the split between career/life's passion and crappy low paying job. By that definition, nursing, med techs etc fall into "life's passion"/career. I'm sorry you weren't able to see that. My jobs have always fell on the crappy, low paying end. Telemarketing, manufacturing/seamstress, food service etc. The type of job that I, personally, did not enjoy. The type of job you can take off for 5-10-20 years and make the amount of money on reentry that you would if you had stayed on all those years without staying home. I hate them but it's the type of job I'd fall back on and appreciate. Not the type of job I'd stick with so that I don't get left behind. ;)

post #205 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post

Y'all have been lucky then, because in most of the circles/playgroups I have been exposed to all people want to talk about are their kids (ie. teeth and spit-up). I'm like "hey, what do you think about what's going on in Egypt" and people are like, "Um. So did you know the Gap is having a sale on onsies?"

 

I think I know what you are talking about.  It is the same in all the playgroups I go to.  But... I always chalked it up to the environment of playgroup.  You're around basically perfect strangers and all you have in common is the kids.  And you're expected to be friendly and social - not to get into strenuous debates about religion or politics.  So you talk about the kids. 

 

I am not suuuper interested in talking about potentially controversial topics in a playgroup among people I don't know that well when there's a potential for things to get really heated.  Too many opportunities for hurt feelings, gossip, faux pas, and me saying dumb things.  Talking about kids and parenting is controversial enough for me as it is and gives me anxiety, so I try to keep things neutral even with people I have been seeing off and on for well over a year.  I tend to assume the other moms/dads are feeling this as well. 

 

I save my thoughts about anything for my DP, my close friends, and MDC... lol.

post #206 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyclamen View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post

Y'all have been lucky then, because in most of the circles/playgroups I have been exposed to all people want to talk about are their kids (ie. teeth and spit-up). I'm like "hey, what do you think about what's going on in Egypt" and people are like, "Um. So did you know the Gap is having a sale on onsies?"

 

I think I know what you are talking about.  It is the same in all the playgroups I go to.  But... I always chalked it up to the environment of playgroup.  You're around basically perfect strangers and all you have in common is the kids.  And you're expected to be friendly and social - not to get into strenuous debates about religion or politics.  So you talk about the kids. 

 

I am not suuuper interested in talking about potentially controversial topics in a playgroup among people I don't know that well when there's a potential for things to get really heated.  Too many opportunities for hurt feelings, gossip, faux pas, and me saying dumb things.  Talking about kids and parenting is controversial enough for me as it is and gives me anxiety, so I try to keep things neutral even with people I have been seeing off and on for well over a year.  I tend to assume the other moms/dads are feeling this as well. 

 

I save my thoughts about anything for my DP, my close friends, and MDC... lol.

 

This.  It's a playgroup.  Ever noticed how people at the antenatal classes talk about their pregnancies.  I guess they crawl back under their rock when the baby is out and the only thing they could discuss is over...?  No.  Go to a book club or a debate group.  You will meet SAHM's who are terrifyingly intelligent and articulate and know ALL about Egypt.

 

 

 

post #207 of 242

I had a career that I loved before babies (midwifery), and when I had a baby, I lost the passion for it.  It was a rocky transition for a while, but now, 4.5 years into it, I can honestly say that I don't have the passion for it I once did.  I could not give myself to pregnant and laboring women the way that I used to. 

 

I did throw myself into mothering just as much as I used to throw myself into birth.  The passion shifted, but not without some growing pains along the way. 


And, for the PP that asked if doctors only talk about medicine.  Have you ever been around a group of doctors/care providers/nurses?  Yep, that is pretty much all that they talk about. 

post #208 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by elus0814 View Post

"Yeah, to me having a career is an essential part of who I am - I could never SAH - I need to have an identity outside of mom-hood, and I need to talk about things other than teeth and spit up occasionally. SAHM would be drive me up the wall insane, and I would probably end up running away. Not good for me, and not good for my baby."

 

 

I'm pretty offended by that too. Just because I've been a stay at home mom for nearly 7 years doesn't mean my brain has turned to mush and I'm unable to carry on a coherent conversation about something other than vomit. I have an identity other than being a mom. I'm also a daughter, a sister, a friend, a neighbor, a volunteer, and countless other things. Yes, some days I feel like I'm going nuts and want to head for the hills but I'm strong and can get through the rough patches.


Well, when I was staying at home (on break from school) my brain DID turn to mush, or at least it felt like it.  I HATED staying at home, never doing anything, never seeing my non-mom friends, not using my brain to think about anything other than the next diaper change.  I'm sorry it offended you, but thats what SAH was like for me.  Maybe its different for you, but I could not do that.  It is NOT something I could do, or want to do.  My child is better off when I have a life outside of them - and not just when my partner isn't working.

 

I've seen many people post that they "are like a single mom" b/c their partner works 24/7 and so they get no help, and I just am not interested in that at all.  It would be a NIGHTMARE for me.  Truly.  It's not for some, for some people thats what they want to do, and SAHM is what they're good at, and what they love.  I love my child and live for him, but I could not SAH.  It would not be a pretty picture.

post #209 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by elus0814 View Post

"Yeah, to me having a career is an essential part of who I am - I could never SAH - I need to have an identity outside of mom-hood, and I need to talk about things other than teeth and spit up occasionally. SAHM would be drive me up the wall insane, and I would probably end up running away. Not good for me, and not good for my baby."

 

 

I'm pretty offended by that too. Just because I've been a stay at home mom for nearly 7 years doesn't mean my brain has turned to mush and I'm unable to carry on a coherent conversation about something other than vomit. I have an identity other than being a mom. I'm also a daughter, a sister, a friend, a neighbor, a volunteer, and countless other things. Yes, some days I feel like I'm going nuts and want to head for the hills but I'm strong and can get through the rough patches.


Well, when I was staying at home (on break from school) my brain DID turn to mush, or at least it felt like it.  I HATED staying at home, never doing anything, never seeing my non-mom friends, not using my brain to think about anything other than the next diaper change.  I'm sorry it offended you, but thats what SAH was like for me.  Maybe its different for you, but I could not do that.  It is NOT something I could do, or want to do.  My child is better off when I have a life outside of them - and not just when my partner isn't working.

 

I've seen many people post that they "are like a single mom" b/c their partner works 24/7 and so they get no help, and I just am not interested in that at all.  It would be a NIGHTMARE for me.  Truly.  It's not for some, for some people thats what they want to do, and SAHM is what they're good at, and what they love.  I love my child and live for him, but I could not SAH.  It would not be a pretty picture.


No offense or anything, but why are you in this forum, then? I doubt it'd be taken well if I went into the Working Parents forum and went on about how much I hated WOH and would never do it. Right?

And I agree-it's a playgroup. In most I've been to there's a bit of a taboo against talking religion/politics because it's for the kids to play and it almost always ends with harsh feelings when those topics are brought up. And it's not just SAHPs who talk a lot about their kids. All parents do that. It's not that they have nothing better to talk about. Just like when I was a philosophy major, all I wanted to talk about was philosophy. Not because that's all I knew or was interested in, but that was at the top of my mind. And having worked at two hospitals in several different professional roles, yes, doctors and nurses do often talk almost exclusively about medical things. That and gossip about relationships. lol.gif
post #210 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post




Well, when I was staying at home (on break from school) my brain DID turn to mush, or at least it felt like it.  I HATED staying at home, never doing anything, never seeing my non-mom friends, not using my brain to think about anything other than the next diaper change.  I'm sorry it offended you, but thats what SAH was like for me.  Maybe its different for you, but I could not do that.  It is NOT something I could do, or want to do.  My child is better off when I have a life outside of them - and not just when my partner isn't working.

 

I've seen many people post that they "are like a single mom" b/c their partner works 24/7 and so they get no help, and I just am not interested in that at all.  It would be a NIGHTMARE for me.  Truly.  It's not for some, for some people thats what they want to do, and SAHM is what they're good at, and what they love.  I love my child and live for him, but I could not SAH.  It would not be a pretty picture.



No offense or anything, but why are you in this forum, then? I doubt it'd be taken well if I went into the Working Parents forum and went on about how much I hated WOH and would never do it. Right? And I agree-it's a playgroup. In most I've been to there's a bit of a taboo against talking religion/politics because it's for the kids to play and it almost always ends with harsh feelings when those topics are brought up. And it's not just SAHPs who talk a lot about their kids. All parents do that. It's not that they have nothing better to talk about. Just like when I was a philosophy major, all I wanted to talk about was philosophy. Not because that's all I knew or was interested in, but that was at the top of my mind. And having worked at two hospitals in several different professional roles, yes, doctors and nurses do often talk almost exclusively about medical things. That and gossip about relationships. lol.gif


b/c I read the article and gave my thoughts.  You're welcome to come over to working parents and read our books/articles too, and give your thoughts.

post #211 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post




Well, when I was staying at home (on break from school) my brain DID turn to mush, or at least it felt like it.  I HATED staying at home, never doing anything, never seeing my non-mom friends, not using my brain to think about anything other than the next diaper change.  I'm sorry it offended you, but thats what SAH was like for me.  Maybe its different for you, but I could not do that.  It is NOT something I could do, or want to do.  My child is better off when I have a life outside of them - and not just when my partner isn't working.

 

I've seen many people post that they "are like a single mom" b/c their partner works 24/7 and so they get no help, and I just am not interested in that at all.  It would be a NIGHTMARE for me.  Truly.  It's not for some, for some people thats what they want to do, and SAHM is what they're good at, and what they love.  I love my child and live for him, but I could not SAH.  It would not be a pretty picture.



No offense or anything, but why are you in this forum, then? I doubt it'd be taken well if I went into the Working Parents forum and went on about how much I hated WOH and would never do it. Right? And I agree-it's a playgroup. In most I've been to there's a bit of a taboo against talking religion/politics because it's for the kids to play and it almost always ends with harsh feelings when those topics are brought up. And it's not just SAHPs who talk a lot about their kids. All parents do that. It's not that they have nothing better to talk about. Just like when I was a philosophy major, all I wanted to talk about was philosophy. Not because that's all I knew or was interested in, but that was at the top of my mind. And having worked at two hospitals in several different professional roles, yes, doctors and nurses do often talk almost exclusively about medical things. That and gossip about relationships. lol.gif


b/c I read the article and gave my thoughts.  You're welcome to come over to working parents and read our books/articles too, and give your thoughts.

I don't want there to be hard feelings. I really like your posts and see you a lot on here. I just see that general sentiment on both sides of the boards when I've posted in the past on the WOH parents boards and on here. I used to WOH as a parent, so btdt and don't want to go back to that. At least not except very part time in the distant future. wink1.gif
post #212 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post


I don't want there to be hard feelings. I really like your posts and see you a lot on here. I just see that general sentiment on both sides of the boards when I've posted in the past on the WOH parents boards and on here. I used to WOH as a parent, so btdt and don't want to go back to that. At least not except very part time in the distant future. wink1.gif


no hard feelings.  :)

post #213 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post




Well, when I was staying at home (on break from school) my brain DID turn to mush, or at least it felt like it.  I HATED staying at home, never doing anything, never seeing my non-mom friends, not using my brain to think about anything other than the next diaper change.  I'm sorry it offended you, but thats what SAH was like for me.  Maybe its different for you, but I could not do that.  It is NOT something I could do, or want to do.  My child is better off when I have a life outside of them - and not just when my partner isn't working.

 

I've seen many people post that they "are like a single mom" b/c their partner works 24/7 and so they get no help, and I just am not interested in that at all.  It would be a NIGHTMARE for me.  Truly.  It's not for some, for some people thats what they want to do, and SAHM is what they're good at, and what they love.  I love my child and live for him, but I could not SAH.  It would not be a pretty picture.

No offense or anything, but why are you in this forum, then? I doubt it'd be taken well if I went into the Working Parents forum and went on about how much I hated WOH and would never do it. Right? And I agree-it's a playgroup. In most I've been to there's a bit of a taboo against talking religion/politics because it's for the kids to play and it almost always ends with harsh feelings when those topics are brought up. And it's not just SAHPs who talk a lot about their kids. All parents do that. It's not that they have nothing better to talk about. Just like when I was a philosophy major, all I wanted to talk about was philosophy. Not because that's all I knew or was interested in, but that was at the top of my mind. And having worked at two hospitals in several different professional roles, yes, doctors and nurses do often talk almost exclusively about medical things. That and gossip about relationships. lol.gif

Well this (bolded) makes the pretty erroneous assumption that everyone who SAH enjoys it or chose that as their lifestyle. I can assure you that is not the case.

Do I not have a right to be in this forum because I hate SAH? I'm still a SAHP regardless... eyesroll.gif

And as to the playgroup thing...that is exactly why I need to get my job back. I'm a historian for freaks sake...talking about the world is in my blood (and talking about kids is hella dull).

What is so controversial about events in Egypt anyways?
post #214 of 242

I think it is ok to have doubts and insecurities about being a SAHM.  Especially if it is a recent decision, because it takes a long time to find a rhythm and a routine that works for you personally.  I think there is so much put out there (media. books, shows, etc) that moms are supposed to feel good all the time about being a mom.  There is a loss of identity that takes time to adjust to as a new mom and a new SAHM.  I left a profession I was not really happy about, but I am missing the structure it gave me.  I am not a structured person and I need validation (it is the type of person I am).  I want to see a product of my day's work.  I need someone to say, "Excellent work today.  You are on top of things.  Look at this data."  I know that spending time with my son and playing games and peekaboo and reading him books and all I do during playtime is worthwhile and eventually I can see a product ( a happy baby).  But I like to wash the floors not because I like washing floors but because I can SEE that day's work with the clean floors. 

 

I was reading in a book called "The Myths of Motherhood" by Shari Thurer and this quote I found very interesting: "The public does not warm to mothers who are otherwise engaged, especially when they don't have to be.  We grudgingly accept it when a woman "has" to work, meaning that her family's survival depends on her income.  It is when a woman chooses to pursue a career that a shadow is cast over her motherliness.  After all, what kind of mother could leave a shiny new baby unless her bottom line depended on it." 

 

I'm going through a lot with my transition to being a SAHM.  I am going through a lot transitioning to being a mom.  And still, I always feel no matter what I say, someone will judge me.  Is that the judge in myself that manifested with the placenta.  I don't know. 

 

I also was talking to a friend of mine who found herself at parties and people asked her what she did and she said "I'm a stay at home mom."  Then they would say, "Oh, that is so wonderful." and move on to talk to the next person.  She started called herself a domestic engineer when people asked.

 

Got to go cook lunch. 

namaste.gif

post #215 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post




Well, when I was staying at home (on break from school) my brain DID turn to mush, or at least it felt like it.  I HATED staying at home, never doing anything, never seeing my non-mom friends, not using my brain to think about anything other than the next diaper change.  I'm sorry it offended you, but thats what SAH was like for me.  Maybe its different for you, but I could not do that.  It is NOT something I could do, or want to do.  My child is better off when I have a life outside of them - and not just when my partner isn't working.

 

I've seen many people post that they "are like a single mom" b/c their partner works 24/7 and so they get no help, and I just am not interested in that at all.  It would be a NIGHTMARE for me.  Truly.  It's not for some, for some people thats what they want to do, and SAHM is what they're good at, and what they love.  I love my child and live for him, but I could not SAH.  It would not be a pretty picture.

No offense or anything, but why are you in this forum, then? I doubt it'd be taken well if I went into the Working Parents forum and went on about how much I hated WOH and would never do it. Right? And I agree-it's a playgroup. In most I've been to there's a bit of a taboo against talking religion/politics because it's for the kids to play and it almost always ends with harsh feelings when those topics are brought up. And it's not just SAHPs who talk a lot about their kids. All parents do that. It's not that they have nothing better to talk about. Just like when I was a philosophy major, all I wanted to talk about was philosophy. Not because that's all I knew or was interested in, but that was at the top of my mind. And having worked at two hospitals in several different professional roles, yes, doctors and nurses do often talk almost exclusively about medical things. That and gossip about relationships. lol.gif

Well this (bolded) makes the pretty erroneous assumption that everyone who SAH enjoys it or chose that as their lifestyle. I can assure you that is not the case.

Do I not have a right to be in this forum because I hate SAH? I'm still a SAHP regardless... eyesroll.gif

And as to the playgroup thing...that is exactly why I need to get my job back. I'm a historian for freaks sake...talking about the world is in my blood (and talking about kids is hella dull).

What is so controversial about events in Egypt anyways?

That's not what I meant. But going in to a forum and saying how you would hate to do (SAH, WOH, bf, whatever) can make people defensive and is a bit unnecessary to the conversation, right? Of course you have a right to be here even if you hate SAH. I'm certainly not the SAH forum police. lol.gif

On facebook there was a heated discussion on Egypt and the Israel connection and USA's role in stepping in. That got nasty.
post #216 of 242

I have an MA in history.  I am not getting why the only place you are able to go/have conversations is a playgroup...?  I have many stimulating friendships, i do a lot of interesting things.  I don't see why people who SAH are unable to do such things simply because they SAH.  When i last worked out of the home i had to listen to people wittering on about Big Brother and other trashy tv, and gossiping about what was going on in the office bitch stakes.  Very very little of the conversation was about the task in hand.

 

In my playgroup (where kids meet, in a group, to play) the moms are of very mixed backgrounds and interests.  Only one other mom besides me actually has any sort of degree.  Some of them are not even aware there is anything HAPPENING in Egypt.  That is not because they are idiots who only talk about teeth and vomit, it is because they aren't interested in world politics.  The benefit of WOH in a specific career is the somewhat higher possibility of meeting like-minded people (not many doctors HATE talking about medicine for example) but there are plenty of options for talking about such topics OUT of work.  There are message boards, voluntary organisations, the web.  You can research and write articles to submit for publication without an employer telling you what to be interested in.  If you were a surgeon i could see how, for example, you might miss doing surgery - it's really hard to find an opportunity to do ANYTHING surgical out of the work context (i'm imagining you sewing the banana skins back up after the picnic!).  But as a historian there should be plenty of scope for you to have discussions, do research, write, whatever, whether you SAH or not.  

 

There is a perception that SAH eclipses everything else.  Why is that?  Work-life balance is important even if one SAH's.  Why is SAHMing so incredibly time-consuming that you cannot do anything interesting or stimulating?  This week i have sewn cloth high-chairs, assisted in the writing of a conference presentation on mixing agile and model driven design in software development, critiqued presentation techniques of the person who will be doing the presentation, designed artwork for a website, planned blurb for said website and had numerous discussions, online and IRL, about an incredibly wide range of topics (none of them teething or vomit).  And i have done all of it with at least one kid in tow, usually both.

 

Most of us managed to get pregnant despite WOH, i'm sure most of us can manage to have some kind of intellectual life, despite SAH.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



 


Well, when I was staying at home (on break from school) my brain DID turn to mush, or at least it felt like it.  I HATED staying at home, never doing anything, never seeing my non-mom friends, not using my brain to think about anything other than the next diaper change.  I'm sorry it offended you, but thats what SAH was like for me.  Maybe its different for you, but I could not do that.  It is NOT something I could do, or want to do.  My child is better off when I have a life outside of them - and not just when my partner isn't working.

 

I've seen many people post that they "are like a single mom" b/c their partner works 24/7 and so they get no help, and I just am not interested in that at all.  It would be a NIGHTMARE for me.  Truly.  It's not for some, for some people thats what they want to do, and SAHM is what they're good at, and what they love.  I love my child and live for him, but I could not SAH.  It would not be a pretty picture.



No offense or anything, but why are you in this forum, then? I doubt it'd be taken well if I went into the Working Parents forum and went on about how much I hated WOH and would never do it. Right? And I agree-it's a playgroup. In most I've been to there's a bit of a taboo against talking religion/politics because it's for the kids to play and it almost always ends with harsh feelings when those topics are brought up. And it's not just SAHPs who talk a lot about their kids. All parents do that. It's not that they have nothing better to talk about. Just like when I was a philosophy major, all I wanted to talk about was philosophy. Not because that's all I knew or was interested in, but that was at the top of my mind. And having worked at two hospitals in several different professional roles, yes, doctors and nurses do often talk almost exclusively about medical things. That and gossip about relationships. lol.gif



Well this (bolded) makes the pretty erroneous assumption that everyone who SAH enjoys it or chose that as their lifestyle. I can assure you that is not the case.

Do I not have a right to be in this forum because I hate SAH? I'm still a SAHP regardless... eyesroll.gif

And as to the playgroup thing...that is exactly why I need to get my job back. I'm a historian for freaks sake...talking about the world is in my blood (and talking about kids is hella dull).

What is so controversial about events in Egypt anyways?
post #217 of 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post




Well, when I was staying at home (on break from school) my brain DID turn to mush, or at least it felt like it.  I HATED staying at home, never doing anything, never seeing my non-mom friends, not using my brain to think about anything other than the next diaper change.  I'm sorry it offended you, but thats what SAH was like for me.  Maybe its different for you, but I could not do that.  It is NOT something I could do, or want to do.  My child is better off when I have a life outside of them - and not just when my partner isn't working.

 

I've seen many people post that they "are like a single mom" b/c their partner works 24/7 and so they get no help, and I just am not interested in that at all.  It would be a NIGHTMARE for me.  Truly.  It's not for some, for some people thats what they want to do, and SAHM is what they're good at, and what they love.  I love my child and live for him, but I could not SAH.  It would not be a pretty picture.



No offense or anything, but why are you in this forum, then? I doubt it'd be taken well if I went into the Working Parents forum and went on about how much I hated WOH and would never do it. Right? And I agree-it's a playgroup. In most I've been to there's a bit of a taboo against talking religion/politics because it's for the kids to play and it almost always ends with harsh feelings when those topics are brought up. And it's not just SAHPs who talk a lot about their kids. All parents do that. It's not that they have nothing better to talk about. Just like when I was a philosophy major, all I wanted to talk about was philosophy. Not because that's all I knew or was interested in, but that was at the top of my mind. And having worked at two hospitals in several different professional roles, yes, doctors and nurses do often talk almost exclusively about medical things. That and gossip about relationships. lol.gif



Well this (bolded) makes the pretty erroneous assumption that everyone who SAH enjoys it or chose that as their lifestyle. I can assure you that is not the case.

Do I not have a right to be in this forum because I hate SAH? I'm still a SAHP regardless... eyesroll.gif

And as to the playgroup thing...that is exactly why I need to get my job back. I'm a historian for freaks sake...talking about the world is in my blood (and talking about kids is hella dull).

What is so controversial about events in Egypt anyways?


The playgroup thing... I think it's great if you can find like-minded people in a playgroup.  But I think it's alot like going to a required 101 course vs a highly specialized graduate seminar.  You're going to meet more people in the grad seminar, even if it's smaller, who are going to want to talk about the same kinds of thing.  Because that's the nature of it.  I find myself far less frustrated when I look to find like minded people in places where like minded people may gather, whether that's at the library or on the internet.

 

I do happen to think talking about kids is freaking exciting.  I've been on a kick reading about the sociocultural and anthropological history of childhood and mothering.  (Mintz's Hucks Raft and Sarah Hrdy's Mother Nature in case anyone is interested.)  There's a lot to talk about there.  Just, for me, not at playgroup.

 

In my limited experience, mothering is so fraught with accusation, guilt, and justification - not to mention the often persistent feeling that it's only okay to do what we "have to" rather than what we "want to" or "choose to" (maybe this is only in my local area??) so it is common to get shrill and defensive about our choices - perhaps because they are so often criticized and accosted - that I often feel it's hard to have a conversation about anything within the context of being a mother without someone getting their feelings hurt, me included.  I think that says more about the climate surrounding how we think about mothering than it does about any one individual.

 

But perhaps that is why I only feel like I can say somethign like that on the internet, and never on the playground.

post #218 of 242
Quote:

Originally Posted by memomuse View Post

I was reading in a book called "The Myths of Motherhood" by Shari Thurer and this quote I found very interesting: "The public does not warm to mothers who are otherwise engaged, especially when they don't have to be.  We grudgingly accept it when a woman "has" to work, meaning that her family's survival depends on her income.  It is when a woman chooses to pursue a career that a shadow is cast over her motherliness.  After all, what kind of mother could leave a shiny new baby unless her bottom line depended on it." 

 

I'm going through a lot with my transition to being a SAHM.  I am going through a lot transitioning to being a mom.  And still, I always feel no matter what I say, someone will judge me.  Is that the judge in myself that manifested with the placenta.  I don't know. 

 

First paragraph: Yes, absolutely!  And yet I believe it also extends to SAH.  I'm sure it's been said upthread but people also grudgingly accept SAH as a "we had to, it saved money" whereas, a choice to SAH is met with skepticism... and a sense that the woman might be lazy, or not thinking things through.  Freeloading if she doesn't have "skills"  and foolish if she is leaving a "career."  We don't trust women to make good choices, our society makes it hard to make choices at all, and calls things choices that aren't.  I'm generalizing... gotta baby in my lap.

 

And the second paragraph: oh god yes. 

post #219 of 242

GoBecGo, can we start a spinoff thread for work life balance for SAHPs?  Because I think I need to read more about how people strive for it.  I know for me personally, that working on my time management and organization, and learning to "do it now" have helped tremendously.  In some way, I'm more productive having a kid than not, as I've managed to write a master's thesis, sew countless projects, completely clean and organize my house, and a lot of other stuff I never could get a handle on before having DD.  But I still have days where I am like, "AHHH I cannot DO all this."  Ain't that every parent's life though?

post #220 of 242

start th thread about worl life balance.  At our core we are all mamas and women and we got to stick together and support each other. 

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Stay at Home Parents
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Stay at Home Parents › Article: Regrets of a SAHM. Thoughts?