Article: Regrets of a SAHM. Thoughts? - Page 3

[ScottyG]

Yes, choosing to stay at home with the kids is a risky venture.  So is choosing writing as a career.  So is graduate school.  So is marriage, for that matter.  I can't think of many big life decisions I've made over the years that weren't risky ventures, with a strong possibility of failure.  And sometimes I have failed, and had to find other ways to navigate my life.  I'm not sure why this is surprising, or really why she's chosen to only highlight the SAHM choice as a risk, instead of the part where she's a journalist by trade, or the part where she's searching for freelance writing jobs in a recession.  

I chose to be a stay-at-home parent (though I do a little part-time work here and there, like this author) and understand the risks... but really, life is about taking risks and jumping off cliffs and hoping everything goes right, and sometimes it doesn't.  That's not particular to at-home parenting; that's life.

[geekgolightly]

I can't speak for her, but the main difference in my mind is that being a SAHP requires trust that someone else will care for you financially, whereas with all of the other decisions that you mentioned (grad school choice of career) you have control of your own destiny. 

[CatsCradle]

I normally don't visit this thread but my interest was peaked when I saw this as one of the main posts on the SAHM forum.  My interest was peaked because I recently read a highly-read blog on the NY Times website about a SAHM (with six children) who was recently confronted with an unexpected divorce, and although her ex-husband was paying child support, he lost his job and there was no income coming into the family.  I think there are several prongs to this whole issue.  First, the author in the present article here is writing in hindsight, which is of course is  always 20/20, at least from an individual perspective.  No matter how much we try to spin her situation as one of simply a result of current economic times, or of her choice of trade, her personal choices and the way she views the results are valid to her, even if they don't make sense to us.  I've been alive long enough to reflect on choices that I may earlier in my life and whether or not my life could have different had I taken a different path.  I don't think her situation is sad, as some have inferred, I just think that reflection and hindsight is the human condition.

I also think that sometimes we make decisions in our life based on our values, but I don't think that compromise in how we implement those values or reflection on prudence of those decisions are necessarily a damnation of those values.  I think that people make due with their circumstances without sacrificing their values.  I think that reflection is important, and that is why I think that the author's piece is probably a work in progress.  She is coming to terms with decisions that she made in her own life.  Of course, we could censor her for feeling this way, and prohibit her from writing this stuff, because ultimately there is is an offensive element to her writing (to some).  But, it is her journey.  There have been myriads of others who have dissimilar experiences, and of course have written about.  My parents reflect and mentor me on a lot of things they have done and regretted in their life.  Even though I don't see their decisions as ones that are negative or even things that are applicable to my own life or something I can "relate" to, I respect their experience and reflection.  

I've been in the author's place many times, not about SAHMdom but in other areas where I feel that "what if I had done something differently."  It is the journey of life.  It is not a condemnation of others' decisions.  I tell other people what I know and what my experiences are.  If someone takes something away from it, then they have learned something new, found something else to think about.

[HannahW]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl 

Originally Posted by HannahW 

Hmm... I find it interesting that those who agree with this artical, are also afraid of getting divorced. I am a wahm. I do daycare. I see mothers going off to work everday. I do not envy them in the least. I am increadably blessed and happy to be where I am. I do not worry about getting a divorce because I love my hubby and he loves me. We would never do anything to end that.

I don't see the issue here so much as being afraid of divorce as being afraid of becoming socially irrelevant and unemployable if forced to take care of the kids alone. Your DH may never divorce you but he may loose his job or his life and leave you alone. Then what are you going to do with no job skills and a family to take care of? I think the point of the article is that being a SAHM when you are young is often a path to poverty when you are older. You have no safety net.

Again, I saw this happen to my own mother. She SAH until I was five or six and then was the primary caregiving parent until I left home. She never went to college and quit a stable job with tremendous potential to move because of my father's job. She moved 3000 miles away from her family and support network to be near his family. All it got her in the end was a divorce when I was 13. She got screwed out of the family house, didn't get any child support after I was 16, and we ended up living off of her credit cards. A large part of the issue was that her job skills only qualified her to work at low paying clerical positions (my dad made twice what she did but somehow was always too "poor" to help out). Today she has no retirement plan, no savings or property or anything. She lives paycheck to paycheck. And I know that because of all this someday she will be living with me. I don't see how else things can turn out. I see all this as a direct result of her unwavering commitment to her child (me) and it makes me sooo sad/mad/bitter that these are the rewards for putting family over career. So I think that my career is important, if for no other reason than to spare my child the burden of having to worry about me when I am older. Its not fair to him for him to be the back up plan.

I do see your point. I sometimes forget that I am in a better financial place that most people these days. Before my husband and I even got married, we saved like crazy. We now own our home and our car debt free. So if something did happen to him, I would not have the major money isses that others would. We live simply, and I guess that would be my saving grace.

[frugalmum]

Being a married SAHM comes with a massive financial risk.  If you end up divorced, chances are you'll be financially screwed, and your loss of work experience will never be regained in terms of earnings.  To be a SAHM you have to be willing to risk being poor--- really poor-- because while your H may support you now there is no guarantee he will in the future.  For me the choice was a no brainer.  But I would never expect other women to make that choice.  I worry a lot for my daughters! 

[ScottyG]

     Quote:

Originally Posted by geekgolightly 

I can't speak for her, but the main difference in my mind is that being a SAHP requires trust that someone else will care for you financially, whereas with all of the other decisions that you mentioned (grad school choice of career) you have control of your own destiny. 

I'm not sure I can see the distinction.  If you go to college, and fall in love with journalism, make a career out of it, and then the market crashes... what control of your destiny do you have?  Your job is gone, you're too old to start a new career very easily, you have a set of skills that are no longer valued, and you think, "how can I possibly support my family?"  Sounds a lot like being a SAHP to me, with "the market crash" replaced by "the divorce."  You're still trusting that "someone else will care for you financially" it's just that instead of trusting one person (your spouse) you're trusting a bunch of people (your company, your peers, your industry).

For me, being a SAHP was a choice made in part for positive financial reasons: we moved for my wife's work, and my job isn't very easy to make much money at in our new location.  Child care would be more expensive for us than the money I could bring in.  So it was a smart financial decision.  That's not why I made the decision (I LOVE being a SAHP) but it was a nice bonus.  And I know it comes with risks, but I'm willing to take those risks for the "job" I love.  Just like a journalist is willing to take risks for the job he/she loves.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

Originally Posted by MamieCole 

What I do know is that right now I have two small children that I chose to bring into this world and I feel it is my responsibility to raise them. It is our choice that our family be the main influence and role model for them in their formative years (and hopefully beyond). I'll make any sacrifices necessary to see that happen. 

This is so offensive its unreal.  I also believe that it is my responsibility to raise the children that I bring into the world.  I AM raising my son - just as much as you are raising yours.  Truly.  I know that SAHM's don't think WOHM's raise their kids - but we DO.  Finding a job that supports us in that, is very very difficult - but we have to try.  SAHMing isn't practical for many people for many reasons - and while its great that its what you want to do, and that you've been able to make that happen - not everyone can.  Saying that WOHM's don't raise their kids is terrible - we do.  Just not by ourselves b/c thats not how its meant to be either, we employ a village and hope it works out.  Just like you hope it works out for you to stay home.

As for waitressing - its not profitable everywhere.  Where I live, you don't make hardly anything unless you work the busy shifts with high tipping customers b/c all your income is based on tips (restaurants here are allowed to pay like $2-3/hour and expect you to make it up in tips, AND report your tips - not a lot of money in that).  It CAN be very profitable, but its not everywhere.

Let's not paint everyone in the same brush. I used to WOH and now SAH. Since when do all stay at home parents think WOH parents don't raise their kids?

[geekgolightly]

Originally Posted by ScottyG 

     Quote:

Originally Posted by geekgolightly 

I can't speak for her, but the main difference in my mind is that being a SAHP requires trust that someone else will care for you financially, whereas with all of the other decisions that you mentioned (grad school choice of career) you have control of your own destiny. 

I'm not sure I can see the distinction.  If you go to college, and fall in love with journalism, make a career out of it, and then the market crashes... what control of your destiny do you have?  Your job is gone, you're too old to start a new career very easily, you have a set of skills that are no longer valued, and you think, "how can I possibly support my family?"  Sounds a lot like being a SAHP to me, with "the market crash" replaced by "the divorce."  You're still trusting that "someone else will care for you financially" it's just that instead of trusting one person (your spouse) you're trusting a bunch of people (your company, your peers, your industry).

For me, being a SAHP was a choice made in part for positive financial reasons: we moved for my wife's work, and my job isn't very easy to make much money at in our new location.  Child care would be more expensive for us than the money I could bring in.  So it was a smart financial decision.  That's not why I made the decision (I LOVE being a SAHP) but it was a nice bonus.  And I know it comes with risks, but I'm willing to take those risks for the "job" I love.  Just like a journalist is willing to take risks for the job he/she loves.

The distinction is that you are in the driver's seat. You are not hoping and praying that your partner will make the decision you want them to make. You can not control their career decisions in order to ensure your destiny. Yes, life throws curveballs, that is part of life, but what is NOT a normal part of life is just blindly trusting that someone else will make sure that you will be cared for financially. 

That she was out of the full time tiger attack on her career and instead on the mommy track, which meant that her career was not developed and she is now hobbled. Her ex husband is not bearing the same issue. He is doing well career wise/financially I assume he is faring better than she ever will again. 

It was her choice to trust him to take care of her. I am having a hard time coming to terms with trusting someone to care for me in that manner. And for very good reason. There are many stories like these and IMHO, anyone who chooses to stay at home and does not ensure their own financial security, either by prenup, postnup, or some other way of solely owning monies for all the work she or he does at home is cutting off their own legs. I plan on sorting this for myself.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by frugalmum 

Being a married SAHM comes with a massive financial risk.  If you end up divorced, chances are you'll be financially screwed, and your loss of work experience will never be regained in terms of earnings.  To be a SAHM you have to be willing to risk being poor--- really poor-- because while your H may support you now there is no guarantee he will in the future.  For me the choice was a no brainer.  But I would never expect other women to make that choice.  I worry a lot for my daughters! 

Maybe this is part of why articles like this one don't resonate with me. As a single mom, I was in better financial shape than I was when I was married to my (theoretically gainfully employed) ex. If dh and I did get a divorce - can't imagine that at all - I'd probably have to go find a minimum wage job and my financial situation would suck. But, it's sucked before, when I was a WOHM. So far, the most financially secure period of my adult life has been the years that I've been a SAHM. I have no idea what the future holds for me or for dh. I used to be a planner. My plans have been knocked sideways so many times that I don't even really make them, anymore.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by geekgolightly 

The distinction is that you are in the driver's seat. You are not hoping and praying that your partner will make the decision you want them to make. You can not control their career decisions in order to ensure your destiny. Yes, life throws curveballs, that is part of life, but what is NOT a normal part of life is just blindly trusting that someone else will make sure that you will be cared for financially. 

That she was out of the full time tiger attack on her career and instead on the mommy track, which meant that her career was not developed and she is now hobbled. Her ex husband is not bearing the same issue. He is doing well career wise/financially I assume he is faring better than she ever will again. 

It was her choice to trust him to take care of her. I am having a hard time coming to terms with trusting someone to care for me in that manner. And for very good reason. There are many stories like these and IMHO, anyone who chooses to stay at home and does not ensure their own financial security, either by prenup, postnup, or some other way of solely owning monies for all the work she or he does at home is cutting off their own legs. I plan on sorting this for myself.

I'm well aware that the "mommy track" is a real phenomenon. However, if this article is a good sample or her writing, she may well have been knocked off the "tiger track", because her writing isn't very impressive. Maybe her ex is also a better journalist, yk?

And, in my case at least, it has nothing to do with blind trust. It has a lot to do with wanting to be SAHM for a long time, and being willing to take the hit if things completely blow up at some point. DH gave up his friends, family and a good job to come here and live with me and be a stepfather to my son. When he did that, he was the SAHP for the first couple of years, for a variety of reasons. He didn't ask for a prenup or postnup, and he was taking at least as many chances as I was when I became a SAHP. That's just not the way he and I see things.

[HannahW]

Unlike a lot of people, we were not two-income dependent prior to having our babies. We consciously made decisions that would enable me to stay home with them before we had them. The entire time my DH was out of work, we consciously chose to find a way to NOT have me go back to work and we did what we needed to do to make that happen. Avoiding daycare and having me be the stay at home parent is hugely important for us.  More important than "being in a better financial place"  right now. My going back into the workforce was and is our last resort. It is totally worth the "crapshoot" for us. As long as we are able to provide a warm home, food and good quality of life for our boys, we will continue to find ways to allow me to be a stay at home mom for them while they are little and hopefully a homeschooling mom for them as they get older. Does that mean that they may have to take out student loans to go to college? Maybe. Does this mean I might have a hard time getting back into the workforce when my boys are grown? Maybe. Does this mean we might not be able to retire as early as we'd like? Maybe. I don't know what the world is going to look like in 10-20 years. I don't know what is going to happen to the economy or our family situation down the road.

What I do know is that right now I have two small children that I chose to bring into this world and I feel it is my responsibility to raise them. It is our choice that our family be the main influence and role model for them in their formative years (and hopefully beyond). I'll make any sacrifices necessary to see that happen. 

I feel that we are kindred spirts.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by ScottyG 

     Quote:

Originally Posted by geekgolightly 

I can't speak for her, but the main difference in my mind is that being a SAHP requires trust that someone else will care for you financially, whereas with all of the other decisions that you mentioned (grad school choice of career) you have control of your own destiny. 

I'm not sure I can see the distinction.  If you go to college, and fall in love with journalism, make a career out of it, and then the market crashes... what control of your destiny do you have?  Your job is gone, you're too old to start a new career very easily, you have a set of skills that are no longer valued, and you think, "how can I possibly support my family?"  Sounds a lot like being a SAHP to me, with "the market crash" replaced by "the divorce."  You're still trusting that "someone else will care for you financially" it's just that instead of trusting one person (your spouse) you're trusting a bunch of people (your company, your peers, your industry).

I'm no longer primarily at home, but I do want to comment on this part. The assumptions on this thread about journalism are really, really wrong. They're based on media stories about the trends in our field, but there actually are more opportunities out there right now for the vast majority of freelance writers. (And for the person who said that the only freelancers she knows would be happy to make any money, you don't know professionals. You know hobbyists. Plenty of people earn a full-time income with freelance writing. I don't know anyone who does it as a professional who cannot earn money.) I'm younger than the woman who wrote the article, but even for me, journalism as I know it now has changed from when I was just starting out. It hasn't disappeared. Print has disappeared, but journalism has not. Please, please stop trying to blame all of this woman's issues on the fact that she's a writer. The assumptions simply aren't true.  

[raelize]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

Originally Posted by geekgolightly 

The distinction is that you are in the driver's seat. You are not hoping and praying that your partner will make the decision you want them to make. You can not control their career decisions in order to ensure your destiny. Yes, life throws curveballs, that is part of life, but what is NOT a normal part of life is just blindly trusting that someone else will make sure that you will be cared for financially. 

That she was out of the full time tiger attack on her career and instead on the mommy track, which meant that her career was not developed and she is now hobbled. Her ex husband is not bearing the same issue. He is doing well career wise/financially I assume he is faring better than she ever will again. 

It was her choice to trust him to take care of her. I am having a hard time coming to terms with trusting someone to care for me in that manner. And for very good reason. There are many stories like these and IMHO, anyone who chooses to stay at home and does not ensure their own financial security, either by prenup, postnup, or some other way of solely owning monies for all the work she or he does at home is cutting off their own legs. I plan on sorting this for myself.

I'm well aware that the "mommy track" is a real phenomenon. However, if this article is a good sample or her writing, she may well have been knocked off the "tiger track", because her writing isn't very impressive. Maybe her ex is also a better journalist, yk?

And, in my case at least, it has nothing to do with blind trust. It has a lot to do with wanting to be SAHM for a long time, and being willing to take the hit if things completely blow up at some point. DH gave up his friends, family and a good job to come here and live with me and be a stepfather to my son. When he did that, he was the SAHP for the first couple of years, for a variety of reasons. He didn't ask for a prenup or postnup, and he was taking at least as many chances as I was when I became a SAHP. That's just not the way he and I see things.

yeah that storm bride.

i realize that with divorce and all, marriages aren't a gaurentee like they were a couple of generations ago, but i don't feel right being married and feeling like i have to protect myself constantly, always have my foot out the door.  should i also always use protection when we have sex? i mean, there is always the chance that dh could cheat and leave me, right? so, should i protect myself by always using condoms cause he might stray? 

adn i agree with scotty also.  nothing is a gaurentee, everything is a gamble. even if the gamble is whether i picked a lucrative field of study for college. its entirely possible that she could have worked instead of staying home and lost all her retirement in a 401k stock market crash.  my mother did that.  

i would say, the best choice is the one you are comfortable with.  and try to find a field of study/skill that you can keep up with and return too.  i have a good friend who graduated with a bachelor's in english. she is now considering joining the plumber's union cause there is no work for her.

[peainthepod]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom 

(And for the person who said that the only freelancers she knows would be happy to make any money, you don't know professionals. You know hobbyists. Plenty of people earn a full-time income with freelance writing. I don't know anyone who does it as a professional who cannot earn money.) I'm younger than the woman who wrote the article, but even for me, journalism as I know it now has changed from when I was just starting out. It hasn't disappeared. Print has disappeared, but journalism has not. Please, please stop trying to blame all of this woman's issues on the fact that she's a writer. The assumptions simply aren't true.  

Um, no, I know professionals--journalists and otherwise. I'm glad your career prospects are so rosy, but journalism is a rough field--has always been a rough field--and it's dog-eat-dog out there right now. I was a writer for years and do know a bit about it. I find your assumptions and tone rather offensive and off-putting. Maybe you didn't mean it that way, but yikes.

[ScottyG]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom 

I'm not sure I can see the distinction.  If you go to college, and fall in love with journalism, make a career out of it, and then the market crashes... what control of your destiny do you have?  Your job is gone, you're too old to start a new career very easily, you have a set of skills that are no longer valued, and you think, "how can I possibly support my family?"  Sounds a lot like being a SAHP to me, with "the market crash" replaced by "the divorce."  You're still trusting that "someone else will care for you financially" it's just that instead of trusting one person (your spouse) you're trusting a bunch of people (your company, your peers, your industry).

I'm no longer primarily at home, but I do want to comment on this part. The assumptions on this thread about journalism are really, really wrong. They're based on media stories about the trends in our field, but there actually are more opportunities out there right now for the vast majority of freelance writers. (And for the person who said that the only freelancers she knows would be happy to make any money, you don't know professionals. You know hobbyists. Plenty of people earn a full-time income with freelance writing. I don't know anyone who does it as a professional who cannot earn money.) I'm younger than the woman who wrote the article, but even for me, journalism as I know it now has changed from when I was just starting out. It hasn't disappeared. Print has disappeared, but journalism has not. Please, please stop trying to blame all of this woman's issues on the fact that she's a writer. The assumptions simply aren't true.  

I think you're misunderstanding me.  I'm not blaming anything on her being a writer.  But being a freelance ANYTHING is, by nature, a riskier career path than working in a field where people are salaried, and have regular benefits, and have prescribed career trajectories.  I should know: before I became a SAHD I worked full-time as a freelance musician for 5 years.  And it was totally possible, and I could do it again... but it was a risk.  If I had wanted less risk, I could have taken a desk job with included benefits and a contract.  I got offered one, actually, and turned it down.

I'm not laying blame on anything.  I'm just saying that life in general is a series of decisions about how much risk you want to take for how much benefit.  And choosing to be a freelancer has a lot of benefits, but also some real risks.  Same with choosing to be a SAH parent: some wonderful benefits, but also some risks.  That's life: sometimes you make a less thrilling choice because it's safer, and sometimes you make a more thrilling choice despite the risks.

[Everrgreen]

I don't necessarily regret being a sahm, however I am definitely screwed because of it.  My stbx had a mental breakdown, an affair, and has now run off.  We were totally in love and had a healthy relationship until he had his mental breakdown.  I find it very naive of those of you saying 'oh well my dh and I are in love so we will never divorce'.  Bad things happen in life and you can't always prepare for it.  I graduated from university but was never able to focus on my career because we moved around for my 'then dh''s work, then I had my son and was thrilled to be able to be a sahm, I wanted to have more babies and maybe even homeschool.  Now I'm a single mom, with no job, no work experience, and no support from my stbx who because of his mental breakdown is now unemployed.  I will be going back to school as that's the only way to get myself a career with a decent income.  And I will *never* stay at home again, it's too much of a risk.

[geekgolightly]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

Originally Posted by geekgolightly 

The distinction is that you are in the driver's seat. You are not hoping and praying that your partner will make the decision you want them to make. You can not control their career decisions in order to ensure your destiny. Yes, life throws curveballs, that is part of life, but what is NOT a normal part of life is just blindly trusting that someone else will make sure that you will be cared for financially. 

That she was out of the full time tiger attack on her career and instead on the mommy track, which meant that her career was not developed and she is now hobbled. Her ex husband is not bearing the same issue. He is doing well career wise/financially I assume he is faring better than she ever will again. 

It was her choice to trust him to take care of her. I am having a hard time coming to terms with trusting someone to care for me in that manner. And for very good reason. There are many stories like these and IMHO, anyone who chooses to stay at home and does not ensure their own financial security, either by prenup, postnup, or some other way of solely owning monies for all the work she or he does at home is cutting off their own legs. I plan on sorting this for myself.

I'm well aware that the "mommy track" is a real phenomenon. However, if this article is a good sample or her writing, she may well have been knocked off the "tiger track", because her writing isn't very impressive. Maybe her ex is also a better journalist, yk?

Yet another person attacking her writing. She has won awards. She gave it up. She was the one who took the career hit.

I really hope that no more strawman arguments come up.

[Drummer's Wife]

Newspapers and magazines are laying people off like crazy - heck, whole newspapers are shutting down, even in big cities. There are still opportunities to write online, sure, but that is even more competitive if you want a living wage b/c you don't need a journalism degree or even an impressive resume to write web content... you have to be familiar with keywords and SEO's and all that over stuff that drives web traffic. The outlook for journalism students in college right now is not good - whether they hope to break into TV reporting or get a good writing gig. It's just one of the many fields that has changed drastically in the last decade; so it absolutely is a big piece of the author's struggle with finding a job.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by geekgolightly 

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

Originally Posted by geekgolightly 

The distinction is that you are in the driver's seat. You are not hoping and praying that your partner will make the decision you want them to make. You can not control their career decisions in order to ensure your destiny. Yes, life throws curveballs, that is part of life, but what is NOT a normal part of life is just blindly trusting that someone else will make sure that you will be cared for financially. 

That she was out of the full time tiger attack on her career and instead on the mommy track, which meant that her career was not developed and she is now hobbled. Her ex husband is not bearing the same issue. He is doing well career wise/financially I assume he is faring better than she ever will again. 

It was her choice to trust him to take care of her. I am having a hard time coming to terms with trusting someone to care for me in that manner. And for very good reason. There are many stories like these and IMHO, anyone who chooses to stay at home and does not ensure their own financial security, either by prenup, postnup, or some other way of solely owning monies for all the work she or he does at home is cutting off their own legs. I plan on sorting this for myself.

I'm well aware that the "mommy track" is a real phenomenon. However, if this article is a good sample or her writing, she may well have been knocked off the "tiger track", because her writing isn't very impressive. Maybe her ex is also a better journalist, yk?

Yet another person attacking her writing. She has won awards. She gave it up. She was the one who took the career hit.

I really hope that no more strawman arguments come up.

I really don't give a crap why she's broke, and it's not a "strawman". I think her writing sucks. I wasn't aware that I was under an obligation to like it, just because she's won awards. (I don't always like Oscar winners, either.) I'm astonished that she ever made a living with her writing, let alone a good one. (And, yes - I know my writing sucks, too - but I'm not expecting anyone to pay me for it.)

Where can I see what awards she's won, btw? I was busy with dd2 when I read the article, but I've noticed several people have referred to that, and I didn't notice it. It honestly astonishes me.

[geekgolightly]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife 

Newspapers and magazines are laying people off like crazy - heck, whole newspapers are shutting down, even in big cities. There are still opportunities to write online, sure, but that is even more competitive if you want a living wage b/c you don't need a journalism degree or even an impressive resume to write web content... you have to be familiar with keywords and SEO's and all that over stuff that drives web traffic. The outlook for journalism students in college right now is not good - whether they hope to break into TV reporting or get a good writing gig. It's just one of the many fields that has changed drastically in the last decade; so it absolutely is a big piece of the author's struggle with finding a job.

This appears to be true as far as I know. A close friend who graduated from Harvard and worked in print journalism for numerous years was laid off. She is an incredibly hard worker and has bounced back and is now working in city gov't, but she did lose her job and it wasn't for performance reasons. 

Really though, although this has to do, in part, with how hard it is for this woman to go back to full time journalism, she voluntarily gave up her career in order to do what she thought was best for her family. She martyred herself. I am not interested in being a martyr. 

At the same time, like a couple of other people have posted, I am really uncomfortable with the whole postnup scenario because I am a romantic and wish for things to be lovely and for our marriage to be without these horrible law documents. And there was a good point made. Are condoms another thing I should insist upon? Where do I draw the line for self protection? 

For me, though, I can see my husband leaving me before he cheats on me. He has a pretty strict moral code and I doubt he could be dishonest like that. I do not doubt though, that he would leave me if I turned on him, or whatever other life circumstances come about. We are not religious and have no reason to stay other than our desire to remain faithful to one another. I think religious people have a bit more edge here? I don't want to assume, but I can see how this might give them more faith in the institution of marriage as it is central to their system of faith.