Ugh... so I've been trying to stand my ground with ex because over the last few weeks he has kicked it into high gear to depserately regain control over me and has taken to upping his verbal abuse towards me again.
So last week he tells me he is ready to take the kids both Fri. & Sat. nights EOW now. Pick-ups and Drop-offs have still been kind of wishy washy and I'm trying to make a clear arrangment so it's not in question. Since he has not done a Friday night since before DS was born, I texted him to discuss the plans.
He texts me back that he actually cannot take the kids both days that he can only take them Sat. - Sun., but only if I do both drop-off and pick-up because he has no money for gas, and no money to feed them longer than that.
Seriously?? He just got a large bonus in Decemeber, and was showing off his new $500 camera at Christamas. Not to mention that he now picks up his eldest DD every day after school and gives her dinner.
So I'm PISSED! I asked where the bonus money went, specifically the money he told me that he set aside just for the kids. He says he spent it on bills and this is what happens when you have more going out than coming in... (I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him, because he still hasn't given his CS check from last week, and! He KNOWS he is only paying me half of what I should be getting right now because he gives me the sob story everyday how he knows he will be in the arrears when we go to court next week... um... then maybe you shouldn't have went so splurge happy on yourself with your bonus money? UAV UAV UAV!!!!)
So my first reaction was to stand ground and I said, as per the agreement, you will do ONE of the transportation needs, either drop off or pick up. He told me how messed up I am to not be helping him because he has come down here to help me a few times, and now that he needs it, I'm giving him the middle finger.
(Um, he came down Black Friday so I could go shopping for the kids, he came down last week so my Mom could sleep instead of staying up all day watching OUR kids, and he took DD ONE extra day while I was in the hospital... wow... sign him up for Father of the Year award! He SO has not gone above and beyond in helping in anyway.)
So I got defensive and told him, that fine, he could not have the kids this weekend if he refused to pick them up.
I was SOOOO upset. This also meant me cancelling plans that I have had for a month. I was fuming about how he always gets to pick and choose when to be a parent, and it's so infuriating. But DD LOVES him. :( And she asks about him all the time, and she lights up when he comes to pick her up... So I have all these tangled thoughts in my head.
I ended up texting him back that I will do drop-off and pick-up, but it will have to be from Fri. - Sun. and if he needs me to provide dinner for Friday, I will do so. All of a sudden he has something on hand and I don't have to worry about it, but yes, he will take the kids those days as long as I do all transportation.
He may have felt he won... I don't know... but I know I felt like he had more control over me by flaking on his kids and making me cancel plans, and then I'm at home all weekend dealing with a heart broken 2 year old.
I just wish I could beat him. It's like he has gotten worse... And it HURTS!! He has never ever once cancelled on his eldest DD... but yet he flakes on my two kids ALL the time! I don't undertand!! This is the same man that would yell at me about favoritism and make sure I had the exact number of pictures out of each girl.
I just don't know what to do... I know a big part of me giving in had to do with I didn't want to cancel my plans either... and perhaps that makes me as selfish as him? I don't know... but his last weekend that I was planning on FINALLY getting some rest, DS ended up getting sick, and we were in the hospital the whole weekend, definitely not restful.
I just really need a break. And maybe it's totally un-mother like to feel that way... because my parents are telling me everyday that it is. But I'm on ALL the time, with minimal help from anyone. On top of that I'm dealing with both of my parents emotional abuse and ex's!!! That's three freakin people kicking me down constantly!!!!
So yeah... I needed this weekend away to get some breathing room for a time...
What would you have done? Any ideas for future? I just feel in a very "damned if you do, and damned if you don't" kind of place.