What would you do if you suspect a family member has an eating disorder?

[Beppie]

I should also say that right now I am not doing anything.  But I worry about her.  I'm not sure if I should say anything. And if so, what should I say, and who should I say it to?  My brother?  Or SIL directly? Please help!

Here's the overview.  She is my SIL, and we used to be very close.  About 15 years ago we were very close confidantes, and she confided in me that in high school she had an eating disorder.  She got so thin that her parents put her in the hospital, and eventually after that she recovered a bit.  That would have been about 20 years ago now.  When we were close, she no longer had an eating disorder.

She met and married my brother.  She is very successful in her career. They have 2 small kids.  Lately she is looking WAY too thin.  She is avoiding my family in a very noticeable and almost rude way.  I won't go into the specifics, but it is very odd.  She seems to have control issues, even with her immediate family.  We asked my brother to be Godfather for our second child (and asked her to be Godmother, but she refused), and then he told us he couldn't come to the baptism because she was anxious about him not being home for her (they live in another state). 

We are no longer confidantes, obviously.  Recently my mom raised her suspicions to me that something wierd was going on, with SIL snapping at my mom on several occasions.  And that she could see SIL's bones "sticking out" --- I don't know if Mom knew that SIL struggled with an eating disorder in the past.  Also, Mom said that SIL told her she doesn't get her monthly periods.  Likewise, we witnessed her acting very odd around food (before I suspected that she has the eating disorder again).  We were just chatting with our brother and SIL was going crazy eating the food, and kept commenting things like "I jsut can't stop eating." etc.  It was strange that she was even talking about it constantly.  If it were me, I would just enjoy eating and not think of commenting on my behavior. 

Another thing, she and my brother LOVE cooking.  They are very good cooks!  Also, SIL is obsessed about exercise.  She runs, bikes, and swims.  When we are scheduled to chat on the phone or via Skype, she is never home (odd!) and brother just says, "oh, she went running." (or biking, or whatever).

Now alarm bells are going off in my mind.  I'm worried for her and my brother.  Is there anything I should say, or is it none of my business? 

thanks so much for your input, mamas.

[Marnica]

If it were me, I may ask my brother if she was ok....and mention to him that I was concerned about her. But beyond that I wouldn't do anything.

I don't think talking to her would do anything but put her on the defensive.