"blueviolet... So you're having your baby totally alone? Does your partner REALLY want to be there?"
Well, he really is outside of the experience to a certain extent, so it's not particularly compelling to him, it's just another bodily function. Now, meeting and holding the baby, that is something that is meangingful to him. Seeing me push the baby out is not. So he would be there as support for me if I wanted that, but he's not attached to the idea of being there himself.
From my side of it, he is superfluous. I'm by nature a solo birther, I don't want guidance, I don't want encouragement. So he's basically relegated to the role of observer, he's not inside it with me, so to some extent he is a distraction. Same with any private, creative act, like writing, or making some piece of art, or making music, meditation -- it's never been possible for me to go completely within when there's someone there simply watching me.
So nothing is set in stone, but I'm inclined to do it alone.
"My baby's father sure does. He thinks it's basically his RIGHT to be there."
I have to disagree. Yes, he has a right to see the baby, because the baby is partly his. But not your body, and not your experience of giving birth. Those things don't belong to him one bit. I think it really comes down to a simple question: do you want him there, for yourself?
"My mom is going to be there, (because she lives upstairs), but she told me that she doesn't want to be there alone. I have few options. I don't know many people around here, as I just moved. And I'd want someone that I really knew well to be at the birth."
In the end it's your choice, of course. But you shouldn't have to feel forced into anything because of *other* people's needs. You need to focus on your own. If having the baby's father there will be unpleasant for you, then he shouldn't be there. I understand your mom wanting support for herself, but surely she wouldn't demand that at your expense?
"My mom also mentioned that because of his ambivilance in the beginning of the pregnancy, that seeing the child being born, it would make him more connected to it."
I have known men to be at the baby's birth and then abandon the mother and baby, and I have seen men not be at the baby's birth and be totally devoted fathers. It is important for you and the baby to be together, because of the bonding hormones. But for him, the connection is going to have to be made in a different way. Does it really makes sense that that connection will depend on him seeing the baby exit your vagina?
"Are you going to labour in water?"
Probably! I found it really helpful last time. I did get out for the birth, though.