UC support thread #3 (March 30- April) - Page 6

[laurashanley]

Tracy wrote:
This is why I kind of don't like saying we had a UC. The implication is that ATTENDED birth is the standard (which it is), but I don't think it should be. I should be saying "birth" for this birth and should have to qualify my last bith as a "hospital birth" or "attended birth".

Laura responds:
Exactly! The same can be said for "uncircumcized" men. As if circumcised penises are "natural" or "normal."

I do think there will come a time when "unassisted" birth will be the norm. Until then I suppose I'll keep saying "unassisted" as it's the only way most people will understand what I'm talking about.
Laura

[karenpl]

Hmmmm, I just realized that I will be 36 weeks on Tuesday and I don't have anything ready yet! I had a lot of losses after my last living baby, and I think that has in a way colored my thinking, making it hard to believe that this pregnancy actually was going to work out. But it is, and birth is imminent, so I guess I really should make an inventory of what I have and what I still need to get ready for this baby.

Of course, it doesn't help that the weather just is so nice, and the only thing I really want to do is to be outside and garden. Planted plum trees, blueberry bushes, asparagus roots, and raspberry bushes this weekend, and am working on setting up a raised bed for strawberries.

This is my first planned unattended birth, and it sure does freak out people. I tell them that I feel much safer at home than in the hospital, with scalpel wielding ob hovering over me. We had two unplanned unattended births, and I got the 'Weren't you afraid????' question a lot. It always puzzled me, what should I have been afraid of? The baby came out and we caught her, nothing scary in that. I wasn't ready for a planned unattended birth back then, but was happy with the way my unplanned UC worked out. This time I am ready to just do it on our own, I am really looking forward to this birth! If only I had more time to get the practical stuff ready LOL

Karen

[LavenderMae]

Originally posted by karenpl
We had two unplanned unattended births, and I got the 'Weren't you afraid????' question a lot. It always puzzled me, what should I have been afraid of? The baby came out and we caught her, nothing scary in that. I wasn't ready for a planned unattended birth back then, but was happy with the way my unplanned UC worked out. This time I am ready to just do it on our own, I am really looking forward to this birth! If only I had more time to get the practical stuff ready LOL

Karen

My first was an unplanned UC (back then I had never even heard of anyone doing it, no internet then) and a lot of people asked me if I was s scared too. I told them I was little too busy birthing a baby to be scared. My MIL said to me "You're way more woman than I am", which she didn't really mean btw. I was so happy though about how my dd's birth turned out. I really wanted a home birth but medicaid didn't cover them in my state. I cried so bad when I realized I wouldn't be having a mdwife/home birth. Of course I got even better than that!!! I wasn't ready back then to fully recognize the incredible gift my dd's birth was. I am fully ready to embrace it now, especially after my ds's pitocin induced hosp. birth. I can't wait to have another baby!!

[cottonwood]

Hi all -- well, it looks like I am going to be giving a talk about unassisted birth to a group of midwives. I'm trying to write up an outline of things to cover, and right now I'm focusing on the effects of feeling observed on the process.

So tell me, what points or issues would you want to bring up if you had a chance to talk to a group of midwives? What would you hope they would get out of it?

[CincoDeMama]

ucing with this baby's birth

just thought i'd post to this thread, as it's the only uc thread i've seen since discovering this forum, lol

[citizenfong]

Finally finished my UC birth story (it's long).
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...39#post1352239

[wildthing]

Originally posted by blueviolet
Hi all -- well, it looks like I am going to be giving a talk about unassisted birth to a group of midwives. I'm trying to write up an outline of things to cover, and right now I'm focusing on the effects of feeling observed on the process.

So tell me, what points or issues would you want to bring up if you had a chance to talk to a group of midwives? What would you hope they would get out of it?

Wow Blueviolet, what an opportunity....

What would I bring up? I would want them to leave thinking about their roles in birth. I don't want to offend any midwives, really.....but I would want them to see that they are not necessary to the birth process. Gosh, that sounds so negative. I guess it is really hard to put into words what I am trying to say.

I think it is an awesome chance to spread the word about UC. I hope it goes wel.

[LizD]

I think as we ask obstetricians to be flexible about backing up midwives, and having an equal relationship with them, so we should define a place for midwives to back up unassisted birth, as some do. I think some would be more inclined to consider planning unassisted birth if they felt at ease consulting or calling in a midwife for any questions or problems that could be handled by such a professional. Midwives who have an automatically negative attitude about unassisted birth might remember that many doctors have this bias against midwives. With these gradations and attitudes in place women are not being served as optimally as they could be and really, doctors and midwives are more limited in their practice than they might know.

[yoga]

blueviolet, have you read The Farmer and the Obstetrician? That book brings up great points about being observed during birth.

Thanks everyone for your congratulations. As I process this birth more and more, I find it difficult to be as happy about it as others are for me. I feel almost indifferent about it. It was birth. Birth as it should be, IMO. The most natural of births.

But, I'm not sure it was at all satisfying for me. The more I read and discuss with others who have had UCs, the more I realize that feeling like I do is "abnormal" (for lack of a better word). I'm almost embarrassed to say how I feel about it. (of course, most ppl aren't asking me how I feel, just how it all went down.)

I thought I'd feel different after this UC experience. Mostly, I just feel alone. I don't feel empowered or excited or particularly happy...just alone. I find it hard to feel proud of myself, as I never doubted I could do this.

It seems that I miss the abnormality of birthing in a hospital. I miss birth as something monumental and absurd.

I'm trying to figure out why I feel this way. Is it b/c no one really pays me attention except when I'm pregnant? If so, why does that matter to me? I thought I liked that aspect of my life.

I'm just very confused right now.

[mollyeilis]

"I find it hard to feel proud of myself, as I never doubted I could do this."

That's actually pretty cool. It might not sound as impressive as shouting from the rooftops that you did it, but it's still a powerful sentiment.

"This is just birth, it's supposed to just happen, it's normal and natural."

That's how I translate what you said. Hope it's not too off base.

And, even though I have not yet given birth anywhere, I think I can understand you missing the hospitals. It's what our culture shows and talks about. If you don't have all the silliness that goes on in a hospital, how do you relate to most other people?

That's how I feel sometimes. I almost miss the idea that I won't be having some hospital food delivered to me, no matter that they'll try to serve Jello and meat broth to a vegetarian, no matter that it may or may not taste good. That I won't get the obligatory diaper bag filled with formula that I won't use. That I won't hear the beeping down the hall, have to fight to get what I want, etc.

I actually am pre-missing that.

So I think I get what you're saying. I think.

I still think that the fact you never doubted yourself is supremely cool.

[majazama]

You know, Chakafalls, I think I know what you are going through. In this culture of ours, the western one, women are expected to get out of bed right after they give birth (well a few days after, anyways) and start scrubbing the floors. That's just not right. We deserve to be pampered and seen as goddesses after doing what we have done! We bring life into the world. People need to give us massages, bring us food, water, clean diapers... everything.

I just finished reading this very interesting book by Sheila Kitzinger called Rediscovering Birth.... and she goes into detail how in all these other cultures (jamaican, various african tribes, mayan, japanese, chinese...) a woman pregnant with a child, in labour, or post-partum, is treated to all these "special" activities and rituals. In our western culture, the normal ritual is to go to a hospital to get our jello and beef broth (and everything else..)

So I hope that you have people to take care of you right now... you need it, and deserve it. Get friends to bring cassaroles, and free massages...

[cottonwood]

I think mamajaza is right, we seem to have this built-in need for ritual and tradition. If we reject the traditions and rituals of our culture (even if there is very good reason for doing so) we set ourselves adrift, and that can feel very lonely and dull.

[yoga]

I'm glad people understood what I was saying. I was hoping I didn't upset anyone.

I do have friends bringing me food, and I really appreciate it. I just feel so out of the loop. I think this whole experience from the beginning has conjured up my "Chaka as supreme weirdo" issues and I guess it'll take a while before I've dealt with them. There are support issues, definately. I had way more "how weird" vibes than "how wonderful" vibes during my pregnancy. And, now, people are calling me superwoman and telling me I should write a book.

I just want to cuss someone out. I just want to say, "Hey! There's nothing abnormal about what I did. You can do it/could have done it, too!" I just want to scream, "I'm a normal person!"

But, then, I've felt this way my whole life. For some reason, this pregnancy and birth experience are bringing it to the foreground much stronger than it's been in a while. I almost want to cocoon myself away. At the same time, I want to confront the idiocy/ignorance head-on.

I need a mommy. A loving mommy to hug me and tell me how wonderful I am and how I'm not weird.

This has become my post-UC support thread. :LOL I'll leave you all alone now.

[ChildoftheMoon]

Ah Chaka, let me count the ways that your post struck my heart strings! I am a weirdo, and have been all my life. The only person that makes me feel halfway normal is my dh and that is just because he is abnormal too. I just don't fit in. You don't have to leave us alone, I love reading your posts. I have been feeling very similar to you during this pregnancy. I just want to be left alone, but crave normalcy. I am sick of hearing how wonderful it is what I do, but that they could never do it themselves. I am made to feel like I am the exception to the rule. I want to share how I feel out of the joy I feel for this babe inside of me and because babies are magical and wonderful, but my brain gets in the way and I get upset that how I feel is not normal and divine at the same time. Birth in our culture is so scewed. Sending you a mommy hug, in case you don't have one that will give you one. You are not weird you are just right. Enjoy your newborn, you have plenty of time to crusade against the idiocy and ignorance. Don't let them steal your precious moments.
Brandi

[majazama]

Chakafalls~~ Have you thought that maybe you are depressed? It takes many different forms. Check out the PPD forum. There is a checklist in the "sticky" at the top. I had depression with my daughter's birth, which I hope to avert by taking my placenta in capsules (drying in dehydrator and then grinding in coffee grinder). Yes, I'm weird too!~~

[cottonwood]

I'm not the weirdo, it's everyone else that's weird! :LOL Seriously, though, I feel that what I am doing is completely normal and everyone else is in this weird twilight zone mindset. Like our whole culture has been brainwashed.

[LavenderMae]

Chaka, youre not weird!

I have always felt like an outsider and guess honestly I am. Even with other non mainstream people I am still more weird. The way I think and believe just doesn't flow with most people. It can be quite a lonely road.

[laurata]

Originally posted by Chaka Falls
I need a mommy. A loving mommy to hug me and tell me how wonderful I am and how I'm not weird.

I can so relate. With a teething 2yo, a stomache bug passing through, and all-day pregnancy sickness, I could really use a Mommy too. Preferably one who will do the dishes for me and hold back my hair as my gagging and dry heaves subside.

Alas, my mom is 2500 miles away and doesn't even know I'm pregnant yet. She's totally going to freak when she finds out because of my choosing to go UC. :-/

[wildthing]

Aww Chaka, like everyone else says, you are not weird at all. think about this...you said yourself that you feel that your birth was perfectly normal, but yet everyone else thinks you are a superwoman. Could that be because they do not have the same concept of normal as you? Of course you should continue posting here! I want to hear what you have to say. Here's a hug from me to you...I wish I had a mommy to give me a hug sometimes too.

Birth and the roituals surrounding it in our culture are skewed, as Brandi says. They are skewed because of money. Definitely not trying to offend anyone, but think about it...every *ritual* that a pregnant or new mother goes through in our culture costs money. Doctor visits, hospital birth, testing, testing, testing, childbirth classes...these are things that seem to be what our culture values as being important to childbirth.

I have read "Rediscovering Birth" many, many times. I would MUCH rather have a period of time after my birth where I was pampered and looked after while my baby and I fell deeply in love. During pregnancy, I would MUCH rather spend time talking to a close friend or *wise woman* over tea for an afternoon than going into an OB's office to be just another chart. Maybe a get together with friends where they each bestow a blessing, prayer or thought on the pregnant mother would be just as welcome as a traditional baby shower, without the requiste purchasing of material things that are necessary for a baby.

I know many of us are able to do these things, but it is still not the cultural norm. I also feel like I am rambling now, and I need a nap, so I am going to stop. I hope no one is offended by my statements.

[mollyeilis]

"Maybe a get together with friends where they each bestow a blessing, prayer or thought on the pregnant mother would be just as welcome as a traditional baby shower, without the requiste purchasing of material things that are necessary for a baby."

Sigh. That's what I tried to do, but friends took over and I got a "shower". I would much rather have had to purchase the presents I received and had the people I wanted to be there surround me with love, but it just didn't work out that way.