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UC support thread #3 (March 30- April) - Page 7

post #121 of 150
Originally posted by mollyeilis
"Sigh. That's what I tried to do, but friends took over and I got a "shower". I would much rather have had to purchase the presents I received and had the people I wanted to be there surround me with love, but it just didn't work out that way.
I guess I should have added to that....I didn't get anything this time, and haven't for mostof my babies. I don't have many IRL friends, so I didn't expect anything either, so no disappointment. Just a wish of mine. I did have a beautiful Blessingway with my 4th baby, first homebirth. It was mostly women from my church, and it was awesome.
post #122 of 150

baby update and pict link...

see my family here, including our newest one:


(hope the link works) I'll be adding more and maybe writing a birthstory soon. there just isn't much to tell..it was so NORMAL!

so we maybe regret going into the medical system with the peid check-up and all...we had a weekend of biliruben treatment at home (his level were up to 20, I can't decide if he REALLY needed the treatment or not based on that) and my poor baby has had 5 pokes in the heel in all his 10 days of life and now the lab calls back..they need to re-do the PKU because they messed up the card and the state won't accept it...my poor baby.

still, he's growing well, and now that his bili levels are down he's alert and eating well and we've made the switch to cloth diapers. (he was too small for his covers before) it's amazing how much pee such a little peanut produces.

he's extremely fussy today, so that's all for now. hope you enjoy the pictures.

post #123 of 150
Carrie, he's a cutie!! You have a lovely family!!
post #124 of 150
Aww Carrie! He's gorgeous! He looks a lot like you. Your other kids are beautiful too, and your dh looks so proud!
post #125 of 150
Congratulations, Carrie!

I'm not depressed. I know b/c I was depressed after my other births and during my pregnancies. I'm mostly just annoyed. :LOL

You know, I know I'm not weird. I know I'm "normal". But when so many others are delusional...it just feels difficult to endure.

My SIL actually thought I might be insane b/c I didn't pee the 3-4 hours she was at my house (2 days before I gave birth) and didn't have baby paraphanelia everywhere. She was like, "You wouldn't even know y'all are having a baby if you came to your house."

Um, so?

I just need to release all this stuff. My birth wasn't a big deal and that's a good thing. I need to focus on that, if anything. And, dh was wonderful after the baby was born. He helped soo much and took care of me and the house. It was very pleasant.

Gotta get out of my head. I spend way too much time up there and not enough time in my heart.

post #126 of 150
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by Chaka Falls
Gotta get out of my head. I spend way too much time up there and not enough time in my heart.
I know just what you mean! Sounds like me often times.

Congrats Carrie!!!!! Your son is beautiful.

post #127 of 150
"SIL actually thought I might be insane b/c I didn't pee the 3-4 hours she was at my house"

That's freaked out some of my friends too, and you should see the looks my Bradley teacher gives me if I don't try to go every 5 minutes. : Sometimes I gotta go, sometimes I don't. My friends are MORE than welcome to sit in my bedroom at night when I get up 10+ times...
post #128 of 150

My introduction

Hello, I would like to join this thread and any subsequent ones, and I thought I should introduce myself. I'm mainly a lurker on these boards, and so I've never done a formal intro, it makes me feel a little exposed.

We are planning our second homebirth/first UC and I am due in late November. I have a very close friend who has had two UC's and in talking to her (I met her after my daughter was born) I felt like I was on a journey towards UC. When I got pregnant I had planned to interview midwives, but I didn't love the ones in the area, so I never did, and my husband and I decided we were ready to do this alone.

I think I had this anticipation that the next time I got pregnant I would be the research queen I was last time, and I just can't seem to get myself into it. It's like I'm not interested in learning more stuff, and I think because my daughter's birth was so smooth and joyful, it's hard to imagine anything "going wrong." I feel like I'm not explaining myself well.

I guess one question I have for those of you doing UPs is what are you doing to personally prepare yourself for your birth? Whatever that means to you. And I am also looking for really positive UC stories...I have been to Laura Shanley's site, of course, but other than that, does anyone know of a good place to go where I won't have to sift through lots of attended births?

Also, a fun side note...I hear from someone I met recently that there WILL be a UC story in the next Mothering...her husband wrote about their experience and apparently it's been accepted. So yay!!! I don't know her very well or her story at all, but I am excited that there will be something in Mothering Magazine!
post #129 of 150
Hi dancermom, ...........

I find myself in the same position about "reading up" about potential birth problems and solutions. When I was pregnant with my first, I was absoLUTELY abSORBED by pregnancy and birth books. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I don't have much time to myself these days, compared to before I had my daughter. (I remember endless days of just laying in bed feeling her move, and reading my books religeously, but that's another topic)

I would also like to have more links to show interested people about powerful, strong UC's. I was just talking to my mom today about it, as she is going to be around, and I would like to show her some posative stories.
post #130 of 150
Mamajaza and Dancermom, birthlove.com has lots of good UC stories, although it is a subscription site. Also, there is a yahoogroups site just for UC stories: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group...guid=157311507 Of course there's a bunch on www.ucbirth.com. And I have a few good ones on my site, below, although they're not marked as UC so you might have to wade through a few non-UC stories to find them. And there's mine, which is in the "Thoughts" section of my website.
post #131 of 150
I'm not doing any special preparation this time around either -- I've just gotten to the point where it's just birth, you know? It's just not that big a deal. I don't need to midwife myself, my body already knows how to do it.
post #132 of 150

For my UP, I did nothing out of the ordinary. Never checked anything, never worried. I just knew it all would be fine, and in my moments of doubt, I reminded myself that all would be fine and if it wasn't, I would know.

I didn't read stuff this last time, either. Most stuff just tends to lead to worrying, and who needs that?
post #133 of 150
Well, I dont really think of it as preparing, but I guess what I have been doing IS preparation....I have pretty much quit reading all of my mainstream pregnancy books that I have had for about 16 years now. I have gotten a few UC books and videos. I was especially curious to see how a woman would catch her baby by herself in a kneeling or squatting position. I knew I would just do it, one way or the other, when the time comes, but I am a visual person, so I liked seeing it.
Like Blueviolet said, it's just birth. I knew after my last birth that I wanted a UC....but my thinking has gone through a major shift since birth has become a reality for me. I find I can not watch or read about attended births, because it just seems....violated, or something.
Anyway, it could also be that I have less time, but also, that I am more relaxed over all about pregnancy and my body doing it's thing.
post #134 of 150
I just had a chance to catch up on this thread...here are a jumble of thoughts...

karenpl – I am also not finding myself ready to pull together “supplies” and such, even at 37 weeks. I think for me it has something to do with rejecting the model that I need “stuff” to give birth. Also the thought that I have at least a couple of weeks left to go, and little ones underfoot, and too much to do every day to think about anything but the usual without going to great effort.

DancerMom asked I guess one question I have for those of you doing UPs is what are you doing to personally prepare yourself for your birth? Blueviolet said – I'm not doing any special preparation this time around either -- I've just gotten to the point where it's just birth, you know? It's just not that big a deal. I don't need to midwife myself, my body already knows how to do it. Exactly. That is exactly how I feel. I keep checking in with my body and my intuition, asking myself if I really feel comfortable and safe doing this, and each time I ask the answer comes back a resounding YES! If that changes, my plan will change, but so far it has felt very clear to me that all I have to do is listen to my body and all will be well.

Blueviolet asked, So tell me, what points or issues would you want to bring up if you had a chance to talk to a group of midwives? What would you hope they would get out of it? I would hope they would get that UC is a valid and responsible option, not to be scoffed but to be respected. I’d want them to know that it’s not going to put them out of business or anything, but that there are solid, legitimate reasons why someone might choose a UC over having a midwife present. Maybe talking about different things that motivate people to choose UC might help them understand that UC is not necessarily about rejecting midwives. I would hope it would get them over any defensiveness and start them thinking about possible ways they can support UC-minded moms who aren’t coming to them as clients but who might seek them out as a resource of another kind. I think a lot of midwives must have a hard time finding a way to feel good about that kind of situation, and I wonder what it would take to change that. It may not be possible to change their thinking, but even so I think it would be good to plant those seeds.

Even my midwife/friend, whom I love dearly, has all kinds of last-minute unsolicited advice for me, and has vowed to be available by cell phone in case we have questions during the birth or need her to come. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is an absolutely wonderful gift that she is supportive and willing to come help out if we ask her to, and I think it’s a rare midwife who will offer to do that (given that I’ve had an unassisted pregnancy as well) but although she is an extremely hands-off midwife as far as midwives go, I can just tell from our conversations that she can’t completely 100% let go of the idea that we will need someone else to turn to.

I really liked LizD's reply, about midwives backing up UCs like OBs back up midwives, and how that relationship isn't always easy but it is important.

Chaka Falls said, It seems that I miss the abnormality of birthing in a hospital. I miss birth as something monumental and absurd. I'm trying to figure out why I feel this way. Is it b/c no one really pays me attention except when I'm pregnant? If so, why does that matter to me? I thought I liked that aspect of my life. I miss the validation of going along with the thing other people think is right, good, and valued. It is so hard to swim upstream, and even harder still when the other fish are glaring at you and wagging fins at you and complaining that you’re threatening their peaceful little group-mentality existence. It’s lonely to choose the path less traveled. Yet I’m finding that inside this loneliness I’m more free to be me, and I’m finding ways to validate myself where I used to look outside myself for validation.

Today I told a close mainstream friend about our UC plans. I have only told a few people so far. She admitted that she was worried for me. I didn’t think of this until after our phone conversation was over, but I was so worried for her last fall when she birthed in a hospital with an OB. I imagine we had similar feelings of worry – and I intend to tell her so next time we talk, so maybe she’ll understand that it goes both ways.

blueviolet – I hear you about feeling like everyone else is the weirdo. It took getting out of my old environment and into a new one for me to realize that, and my DH talk about it all the time. I felt like a “supreme weirdo” (as Chaka so eloquently put it) where we lived before, in my hometown. We moved last summer to a more rural area in a place where people are more of the live-and-let-live type. I like the solitude and the space. I like that everyone kind of seems to be doing their own thing and expecting others will, too. It was a very healthy change for me. It means I have fewer people around me celebrating my pregnancy, but I also have fewer people judging my choices and making me feel out of place.

DancerMom – Try www.birthlove.com; it’s well worth the cost of joining. Lots of UC stories and articles.

mollyeilis - I’ve always wished for a blessingway, and hoped this time that someone would figure out to give me one, but it didn’t happen. I have friends who have made me food and given kind thoughts and one even knitted a little baby sweater for the newling, but it’s not quite the same as a blessingway – I have hosted a few blessingways for friends and they were truly magical. I had hoped for one the last time (my first homebirth), and this time (my first UC), but I'm over it I guess.

I think that is all I have to add - sorry this is so long!
post #135 of 150
Great thoughts, Amanda. Thanks for sharing.

I know a friend who's doing her own blessingway. Maybe that could be an option for you?
post #136 of 150

shoot, I love this group!!

I thought I was an oddball!! this is the first pregnancy where I DIDN'T re-read the very, very few good pregnancy and birth books out there. I just had no interest. I felt like I already knew everything. I mean, I HAVE been absorbing every scrap of info for the last 6+ years right?? It was also my most enjoyable pregnancy. anyone notice they seem quicker with each subsequent child?

Welcome Dancermom! undefined

thanks to everyone for saying that my Eli is cute1 i've been feeling constantly guilty and self-concious because of his smallness.

post #137 of 150

I recently tested positive, but have no clue when I'm due LOL My last baby was a UC and I will likely choose UC this time as well...though I haven't embraced the idea yet.

I look forward to getting to know you all.
post #138 of 150
Most incredibly useless birthing advice from a neighbor upon being informed of our plans to homebirth... "Well...do make sure there is someone there who knows what they are doing." Um, thanks. OMG, I am still cracking up over this one. We didn't even tell him we were planning to UC - just wanted to warn him that we were homebirthing because I tend to be quite loud at the end and if the weather is nice I could be outside. Let's see...I don't suppose...(gasp) I might possibly know what I'm doing?! Just had to share that - maybe it will make you chuckle, too.

I'll be 38 weeks tomorrow. I've got a bad cold which has me feeling crappy, and the kids are sick too so they're high-needs, but other than the cold I am doing well. Lots of head pressure in my pelvis, a little foot or knee that is perpetually stretching out the same spot on my belly (will I always have a lump there? LOL), and my breasts are on schedule with making colostrum and even leaking a bit. Still nursing DD and expecting to tandem again (I've had a few weeks' break from tandeming as DS#2 just weaned earlier this month). A friend of mine just had her fourth at 38.5 weeks...yikes...I still have to gather some birth stuff together and get the tub set up. It's so hard to get motivated when I'm feeling so laid back, but maybe this weekend we'll get it done.

Oh, yeah, and tomorrow is my birthday (31). I told DH that all I wanted was to get out for several hours by myself without the kids...I nearly always have one or more with me, and I've only been out alone for up to about 2 hours at a time since DD was born. I'm not even sure what I'm going to do, but I'm very excited at the thought.

How is everyone else doing?
post #139 of 150
I'm doing well. Eating my green clay Looking forward to birth. I posted on the pregnancy and homebirth forums about the "pain" of labour and how to counteract it.... loving the responses.

I'm ****finally**** going to be moving ****tomorrow****. I've been living with my mom in her upstairs suite, but her renter is moving out today, and I'm going to have my own space. It's hard when I've been feeling unsettled for months, and I'll finally have a home that's mine. I WANT TO NEST!!!

I guess you are getting pretty close, hey amyamanda? How are you going to weigh the baby once he/she is born? I've still been wondering what I'm going to do about that... I want accuracy.
post #140 of 150
Hey, Mamajaza...enjoy your move! I know how incredibly exciting it can be to go from an insufficient place to a place of your own. Wow. I will be thinking of you!

About weighing the baby, I haven't felt the need for extreme accuracy, although I think often hospital/pediatrician scales are not terribly accurate themselves. (At least from what I hear from moms who are concerned about baby's weight gain in the first days and weeks, and they keep getting weird inconsistencies between hospital and ped weigh-ins). Anyway, I have a 10 lb digital postal scale, and I expect we'll weigh the baby that way in probably a cardboard box or small basket (you set the scale to ignore the weight of the box first).

I'm not expecting a baby over 10 pounds - mine have been 5-11, 6-11, and 7-7 in that order, but my friend who had a 6lber, a 7lber, and then a surprise 10.5lb UC claims that she only got really big in the last two weeks of her pregnancy, so you never know. I figure the weight is more for the birth certificate than anything else, unless you are really worried about milk supply and baby's weight gain - if that is a concern (for example, if you've had breast reduction surgery or major low-milk-supply issues in the past) I'd recommend hooking up with a qualified LC (IBCLC) who has a Medela scale and having her come to your home to do weighings. Or you can rent a Medela scale to have on hand, but it is possible they are $$.

Anyway, if we have a baby over 10# we'll probably just trot over to the food co-op and use their scale... You can get baby scales on Ebay but I wonder about their accuracy...I suppose you could test/reset them with a 5lb bag of flour or something. Sorry, I'm not all that helpful as it hasn't been a big concern of mine.

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