or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › Homebirth › UC support thread #3 (March 30- April)
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

UC support thread #3 (March 30- April) - Page 5

post #81 of 150

just a qick note...

Congrats to anyone who's given birth! I don't reaaly have the time to sit and read too much, just thought I'd post this quick note:

(I'm quoting myself LOL)
"Perfect UC experience. I even orgasmed as she was coming out. LOL

I was all alone...the house slept. She was born Sunday, 4/11/04 at 5:10am. She was 8 lbs. 8 oz. and 21 inchs long. I birthed the placenta an hour after she joined this side, and our labor was only about 4 hours long.

It was all very wonderful. I as able to get over myself a few times and really feel happy and "pain-free" during parts of the labor. At one point, I caught myself smiling and feeling very happy...then, became self-concious and all the bliss kinda went away (and the "pain" came back). LOL

That's what happens when you live in your head too much, I guess.

Baby is content and nurses well. Eliminating wonderfully. I'm just able to sit on anything other than my bed (with the aid of a doughnut). LOL I'm healing rather well. "

I'm off...
post #82 of 150
Chaka, congratulations! I'm so, so happy for you!
post #83 of 150
Okay, I've put together a roll call for us UCers, let me know who I'm missing, please, or if any info is wrong or should be added:

andrea88 -- UC 8/03 story
Whit -- UC 11/03 story
2much2luv -- UC 1/04
thechrysalis -- UC 1/04 story
Mothernature -- UC 1/04 story
indigolilybear -- UC 3/04 pics
citizenfong -- UC 3/04 pics
Carrieanders -- UC 4/04 7 lb. 4 oz.
Chaka Falls -- UC 4/04 8 lb. 8 oz.
bookwormmama -- May/June
ChildoftheMoon -- mid July
Mamajaza -- mid summer
wildthing -- June
Hathor -- June/July
amyamanda -- May
JesseMomme -- August
violet -- August/September
Karenpl -- late May, early June
madrone -- August
blueviolet -- late September
post #84 of 150
Thank you for getting the role call together blueviolet. That is very nice to have.
post #85 of 150
Congratulations Chaka!! Sounds so awesome, that's what i'm dreaming of!

So looks like there are a few of us due in late may or early june, i can't wait!!

I'm getting really impatient. I have about 6 weeks to go. Got almost everything all set up, just have to wash the kiddie pool out and i'm good to go. Oh yeah, and get some herbs ready. I suppose i'd better get cracking on that!

How's everyone else doing?

post #86 of 150
Congratulations Chaka! Thanks for popping in to share.

Sue, I am due sometime in June. I am around 32 weeks. Sometimes I get impatient, and other times I think of all I want to accomplish before then, and I get a little wigged out! :
post #87 of 150
Congrats again Chaka. Man, that birth sounds awesome!!
post #88 of 150
many congrats chaka. I can't wait to hear/see more!! happy baby moon

thanks for the roll call, BV.
post #89 of 150
Thread Starter 
woohoo Chaka!!!!!!!!!! Welcome to your new babe. Sounds like you had a wonderful birth

Thank you blueviolet for putting the roll call together. Perhaps whoever starts the next thread could paste it in the first post.......

The third trimester has finally begun for me. I am still energetic, but am feeling my body slowing down at the end of the day. I think my morning walks have really helped with my energy level, especially mentally. A half hour with just my own mind! My belly finally had a growth spurt. I was measuring small and now I am right on. My allergies have been not as bad either, so that is a relief. I have been looking at my birth supply list lately so I figure I will be doing some shopping soon. I don't need too much, didn't use much with the last two births. I have decided to get my own tub and to not depend too much on my midwife. I ended up ordering my own stuff for allergies after she didn't show up with them and then went out of town. She is nice and all, just does not seem to remember things. I figure I will see her one more time and if I feel like it and then call it quits. She knows my plans, so no worries for her. I am feeling really good lately. Full of pregnant bliss. I got to hold a two week old baby girl today. So tiny! I had forgotten. Though, mine were about 2 and 3 pounds bigger at birth than this babe. I have started feeling bh contractions, don't remember having too many with my girls. Off to get them ready for bed.

Hope everyone is well and happy!
post #90 of 150
Congratulations, Chaka! I am so inspired when I hear of a great UC.

blueviolet, thanks for putting together the roll call. Yikes, I had no idea I was up next! I'm 36 weeks and yo-yoing back and forth between thinking I have TONS of time left before this baby arrives, and realizing with a shock that time is actually speeding by in a blur. My last one came a few days early, the one before that came a full week early, so we'll see what happens this time.

I am enjoying many aspects of being pregnant, I always do, even with the less-fun parts of it. I'm not in a hurry to be done, I'd rather have the baby come when s/he is ready even if I'm ready sooner. But at the same time, this is my first pregnancy where I am really looking forward to being NOT pregnant, too. (I'm tired of being tired, and I'm sick of never wanting to eat ANYTHING which is a pregnancy symptom I have struggled with every time, and I'm getting a little tired of bumping into doorways!). I have been pregnant for three out of the past six years. I think I'm hitting saturation finally. Still not sure if this will be our last one or not.

I am absolutely LOVING having an unassisted pregnancy. I can't even describe how surprisingly wonderful it has been for me... (but I think many of you will understand what I am feeling). I feel so in tune with this baby, and so confident in myself. It's truly miraculous given how shot my confidence was after my first birth.

I got the birth certificate form from the state vital records office yesterday. I am glad I called in advance to get them. (When my DD was born at home with a midwife, in a different state, it was a HUGE six-month runaround to get her a birth certificate.) They wanted to send a public health nurse out with the forms after the birth to "help me fill them out." Um, no, thanks. Thankfully once I talked with the head superviser she was willing to send the info directly to me. It's a straightforward, one-page form, and we'll just complete it and send it in. I was pleased to see that among the options for "primary birth attendant" and "birth certifier" you can choose "family member."

That's about it here - nesting like crazy, trying to stay awake during the day (and sleep at night!), and just continuing to grow this little babe!
post #91 of 150
"I'm sick of never wanting to eat ANYTHING which is a pregnancy symptom I have struggled with every time"...

You have this problem too? I mainly lurk around here b/c I hired midwives rather than go UC this time (first baby, no mom around to help me out so I hired mom substitutes LOL), but I've had this problem for months!

My friends think I'm so weird, not having hunger or not wanting any food that I can think of (and then there's the heartburn, reflux, and vomiting that go along with many foods for me)...they all just ate Twinkies and felt fine. Well, I'm not going to eat Twinkies!

Somehow I've gained around 40 lbs while attempting the Brewer diet, but I'm still not sure how I accomplished that. Hubby isn't sure either, and if he knew, he'd tell me.

There's just a really weird part of me that's glad to find another person who doesn't want to eat while pregnant. Makes me almost feel better. :
post #92 of 150
OH YEAH, I truly hear you on the not wanting to eat anything. I LOVED food throughout my 2nd trimester, but now i really am not craving anything, and it's a chore to eat. Not to mention cook!

Anyone else having major butt pain? And hips too, sheesh! Going to the chiro helps, but not totally. Maybe next week when i start going weekly.

I hope so!
post #93 of 150
I don't find much appetizing when pregnant. Usually in the first trimester I crave chocolate and drink coca cola to deal with nausea but this time had no such craving and the nausea was so bad I couldn't drink water, let alone soda. And the whole protein focus seems as restrictive as any stupid weight loss diet. In the third trimester this time I am eating less and gaining less, but feel fine and simply eat when hungry. One of the backup midwives I recently saw said I "have to" gain some weight by next visit since there was no change from the previous visit. I vascillate between being thankful she is just the backup and my midwife doesn't say things like that, and starting to think about being entirely UC.
post #94 of 150
I just wrote this in my journal, and thought I'd share it.


I just figured it out. I know that I can’t properly put it into words, but I have to document this so I may as well try to describe it as best I can.

I was settling down for a nap this afternoon, and my mind was meandering here and there, thinking about nice things, like I usually do when I’m going to sleep. And then, with no warning that I can remember – I don’t think I was even thinking about birth – it came to me in a flash. Birth, at home and private and spontaneous, is the objective standard – pure birth -- and professionally attended birth is simply a perversion of that.

I planned Willow’s birth to be unassisted because I had some radical ideas about birth that didn’t fit in with having an attendant there. But they were just ideas. I had no concept of her birth-to-be as Birth, but as just one way of giving birth that happened to be better for me than the others. And I knew very well that nothing was guaranteed. So what I did was something of experiment. An experiment that made a lot more sense to me than midwife- or doctor-attended birth, but still an experiment.

And then, today, it just struck me. This is utterly normal and right. It could not be more so. Now see, even now I don’t have the words to say what I mean. To convey understanding. I can see that no one who is not already there is not going to have the slightlest inkling what I am talking about. Like in Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, you can talk about it until you’re blue in the face and not get anywhere until the listener is able to stop defining every thing solely by the shadows it casts. Yes, I am saying that I see something that others don’t. I can foresee the accusations of arrogance and delusion, but there’s nothing I can do about that. I just can’t. And right now I don’t care in the slightest.

How did it happen? I don’t know. I’ve been going along in this pregnancy just like in the last one. The same anxieties, discomforts, dissatisfactions. Laura Shanley said something about me not trusting birth (because I want Pam [my midwife friend] to be nearby) and I couldn’t think of an answer to that. Nothing is guaranteed, but why not take any reasonable precaution? We weren’t seeing it the same, somehow, and I didn’t get why. I still don’t think I do, but that conversation with her got me thinking about my motivations and rationalizations. What are they, where do they come from, why do they make sense (or not?) I’ve been thinking about it, not really in a disciplined intellectual way, but just floating around in it here and there. Then yesterday I re-read the introduction to The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth, by Henci Goer who has a lot of excellent things to say but is known to be adamant about the importance of having a professional medically-trained person present at birth, for safety reasons. Knowing her reputation, I was a little surprised to read, “…pregnancy and childbirth are normal physiological processes that are no more likely to go seriously wrong than, say, digestion.” How odd, I thought, that she would on the one hand think birth so potentially perilous that it must be monitored and guided, and on the other compare it to a bodily process that nobody thinks about unless they are ill. And I carried that strange incongruence around with me for a while.

Last night I had a headache that didn’t go away with sleep, and I knew this was from sitting in front of computer for too long, so I spent my morning instead doing laundry, dishes, tidying the kitchen, making breakfast, making dinner for later, making lunch, and picking up and organizing toys. I felt very industrious, and my headache was gone. I was able to be very zen while washing the dishes, very in the moment. I ruminated on how I am always a little unhappy because I am so focused on the future and how I can make it better. (Which implies that the present is something that needs to be escaped, which seeds a vague sense of dissatisfaction and despair.) This has been something I’ve been working on for a long time, but suddenly today I got a hold of it. I was fully in the present, judging it on its own terms. I began to feel better, calmer. Then I went out and weeded the garden, and then I remembered that a nap was allowed and made a lot of sense after all the work I’d done. I got my down throw pillow and a blanket, and relaxed into the couch. I think when I am going to sleep, it helps me drift off, and I thought a little about all the babies in NICUs who are born, sometimes artificially, too soon or when they are sick, and suffer through “being saved” and “recovery” when they otherwise would have died, and sometimes they get better, but more often they don’t and die, or they get just healthy enough to leave the NICU but not ever truly healthy or whole. Why are people so afraid of death that even when fighting it is painful, sometimes long-term, they still do? Sometimes it just is better when a baby dies. I would be okay with that. I watched out the front picture window and thought about my just-now blooming roses on the front porch and the lavender columns and the new orange sherbet walls in the living room and started sinking into semi-sleep and that’s when I thought, I can let the birth process just be itself. It doesn’t need to be dangerous, something to be protected from, or even something overwhelming life-changing and spiritual. It just is, and what it is is what it should be. According to who? According to me. According to whatever meaning, apart from the petty details of our lives, is out there.

I’m still not saying anything that anyone who didn’t already get it, would get. I guess this is mainly just for myself, then. To remember how it started.
post #95 of 150
This is the responsibility that one must accept, I think, when planning an unassisted birth. Birth can get heavy, lives can be lost, and one must accept that and wholeheartedly embrace the responsibility without attachment to the outcome. An interesting dynamic, or lack thereof, is that there is no one else to blame in an unassisted birth, which is intriguing in our litigious-minded culture.

But I wonder, is the focus therefore not on a healthy baby, as the hospital set likes to hold over one's head when performing "necessary" interventions, but rather is the focus on the pregnancy and birth, regardless of the result? Even midwife attended homebirth is perceived by many as a selfish, foolhardy desire of a mother's that should be outlawed. The idea being that attachment to the process excludes attachment to the product (baby). I think everyone planning an unassisted birth has a level, or not, at which they would seek help, and that level will be different from woman to woman, just as the reasons for seeking unassisted birth will be different, and perhaps not always quantifiable, defensible, or easily explained.
post #96 of 150
The focus is on that which is most life-affirming, and I don't see that as excluding death. I do see it as excluding a lot that we just accept without ever questioning, or questioning but not being open to the right answer. (How many people can truly call themselves happy at this moment, in harmony with the universe?)

The thing is, I don't see the focus of medicalized birth as being a healthy baby. It is more often about a live baby, at all costs. Of course having a baby is the point of birth. But death at some point is also the point of birth. There is no birth without death. It is all a necessary part of the cycle. The question is how and when it becomes part of the cycle. And different individuals are going to have different abilities to accept different answers to that question.

This journey, for me, is about coming to terms with the fact that the vast majority of people are not, and will never be, able to accept my answers to that question. Even if they apply only to myself. It's about clarifying to myself that it is not that there is a possibility that I am wrong in how I am approaching it, but that they are not seeing what I am seeing.


I want to clarify a part of my journal entry that I am sure some will be offended by. I wrote, "Birth, at home and private and spontaneous, is the objective standard – pure birth -- and professionally attended birth is simply a perversion of that." What I meant by that is not that attended birth is evil -- in the sense, say, that fundamentalist Christians mean when referring to homosexuality -- but that it is a sidetracking, "a diverting from the true intent or object" (according to dictionary.com,) in other words, that it is not the original thing, it is something new and different and therefore not sharing certain important characteristics of the original. When you stick your hand into something it is invariably going to become something different than it would have been otherwise. Not that it's always some sort of unharmonious rift in the fabric of the universe to do so. I like to make the example (and make it often) that my husband's appendix burst when he was 2 years old, and without modern technology he would have died. That he is still here is not a bad thing, I am glad for it.

I want to clarify also that I'm referring to the practice of inviting a relative stranger to a birth for monitoring and manipulating of the process from the outside, not to that of traditional midwifery, which was something very, very different.
post #97 of 150
Originally posted by blueviolet
Birth, at home and private and spontaneous, is the objective standard – pure birth -- and professionally attended birth is simply a perversion of that
This is why I kind of don't like saying we had a UC. The implication is that ATTENDED birth is the standard (which it is), but I don't think it should be. I should be saying "birth" for this birth and should have to qualify my last bith as a "hospital birth" or "attended birth".

LizD said, "But I wonder, is the focus therefore not on a healthy baby, as the hospital set likes to hold over one's head when performing "necessary" interventions, but rather is the focus on the pregnancy and birth, regardless of the result?"

Not for me. I truly believe unassisted birth was the safest option for us (though not w/o risk, like almost any endeavor).

Hope all this is clear, would explain more but typing one-handed while holding a beautiful, fragrant sleeping baby on my chest. One of my favorite benefits of motherhood.
post #98 of 150
Blueviolet, I found my self reading your last two post. You have a way with words. So much of what you wrote rings true to me. UC just feels right to me , deep down where all my truth is held.
I have gotten quite upset recently after reading some moms (on another site) knock UC. I do believe most people really just don't get it and probably never will. I wish I had some wise mamas in real life to discuss UC with.
post #99 of 150

LizD said, "But I wonder, is the focus therefore not on a healthy baby, as the hospital set likes to hold over one's head when performing "necessary" interventions, but rather is the focus on the pregnancy and birth, regardless of the result?"

Not for me. I truly believe unassisted birth was the safest option for us (though not w/o risk, like almost any endeavor).

I would think that to plan an unassisted birth one would have to believe it was the safest option; in accepting responsibility for the risk, however, it is interesting to examine what the focus is for different people, and how that level of risk is interpreted. In working in hospital births I see that most of my clients have a false sense of security that there is no risk, because surgery can be performed in minutes, they believe. This brings a very different dynamic to the entire experience, I think. I agree that their focus is not about health, but they believe it is, and use that to manipulate very vulnerable people.

On another thread the discussion is about breech delivery and accepting a cesarean since in some areas it is impossible to find an attendant for a vaginal breech delivery. For me a breech presentation is an unacceptable reason to birth in the hospital, even vaginally, and I would either travel or stay home alone. There are some planning UC who would not seek medical assistance no matter the outcome, believing that the natural course, whether it results in a live baby or a stillborn, is what should be followed. There are some who would go to the hospital or call a midwife if labor was taking too long by their own intuition, or if it was more painful than expected. Both those might be seen as outrageous by another person planning a UC.

What I find interesting about the "new" (in modern middle-class America) trend of unassisted birth is that it is free of all kinds of protocols and judgements that surround hospital, birth center, and home births. Even the degrees of "unassistance" and qualifiers for an unassisted birth vary from person to person- some doulas attend unassisted births, some have friends and family present, and I have heard some say that the only unassisted birth is that attended by no one but the father and mother and siblings.

Blueviolet writes about the experience of knowing that most people will not ever understand her viewpoint and there is likely no way to explain it (I am sure most of us here experience this also). Only those the snake has bitten, as the old saying goes. I also find it interesting, and attractive, that as birth center and home birth become either more regulated or unavailable again, and women are being prosecuted for decisions made during pregnancy and birth, only unassisted birth guarantees that no matter the outcome the woman's rights are inviolate. In that sense it will always be the safest option.
post #100 of 150
I appreciate all your responses -- I have to say that I almost came back here to delete my original post because it felt like I was putting myself too "out there". This is probably the safest place to do it, though, if anywhere.

Liz wrote: "What I find interesting about the "new" (in modern middle-class America) trend of unassisted birth is that it is free of all kinds of protocols and judgements that surround hospital, birth center, and home births."

And it is really fascinating that being free in this way opens it up for women to look at birth in as many different ways as there are individuals. There is a obstetric mythos and system, and a midwifery mythos and system. Everyone knows what these are, we can make generalizations about these practices that generally do actually apply. There is no one set mythos, however, for those who fall outside of obstetrics or midwifery. It is fantastic and exciting because (I think) this is the only way we are going to get a fresh look at birth, what it is, what it means. That's been defined *for* us up until now. No longer.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Homebirth
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › Homebirth › UC support thread #3 (March 30- April)