Grandma and Grandpa getting divorced

[milkeriffic mama]

It's been a long time since I've posted, but I'm back because I need some advice.  My mom lives in another city, and she has started divorce proceedings against my stepfather.  They have been married for 20 years.  I do not have a close relationship with my stepfather (and honestly that is because he was verbally abusive towards me when I was younger), and because of that, he does not have a strong relationship with DS, who is 4.  DS knows about his Grandpa L and only sees him when we visit the city in which they live. 

We do have a very close relationship with my mom, and she visits multiple times a year without her husband.  In the coming year, she is planning on visiting for longer periods of time and much more frequently.  We (my mom and myself) thought it might wise to talk to DS about his grandma's situation in an age appropriate way (while making sure to reassure him that DH and I are together and love each other so much).  But having never done this before,  I want to make sure that we provide just enough information but not too much to overload him or scare him.

 My parents were divorced when I was three, so my mom must have had this conversation with me, but I think there were a lot of differet concerns involved. 

Thanks in advance for any any advice or thoughts you may have as to how to address this issue...

[Alyantavid]

When my dad and stepmother divorced, I vaguely explained divorce to my kids (who were 6 and 2 at the time).  I just said Papa and his wife wouldn't be married anymore and wouldn't be living in the same house.  My oldest did ask if we'd see the wife (you can probably tell how I feel about her) anymore and I told we'd have to see.  Their's was an ugly, drawn out divorce that I didn't want my kids to be a part of, so they didn't see her.

They have seen her a few times since, once everything calmed down.  But our situation is a bit different since there were so many other factors involved in it.  My advice is to just explain that they won't be married and answer questions if he has any. 

[milkeriffic mama]

Thank you so much for your response.  I think it is perfect.  I love how I stress out about things that turn out to be very simple.  :P

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by milkeriffic mama 

We (my mom and myself) thought it might wise to talk to DS about his grandma's situation in an age appropriate way (while making sure to reassure him that DH and I are together and love each other so much). 

Honestly, with a 4 year old, I wouldn't mention you and daddy. His little brain most likely won't go there and you could be introducing a totally new thing to worry about. He most likely sees the 3 of you as an inseparable unit. 

I think it's good to talk to him about grandma because he'll end up over hearing things, but I would kinda down play what a big deal it is.   It's a big deal for grandma, but it really isn't a big deal for him. He's 4, he's got his parents and favorite toys, and grandma's coming more often.

[milkeriffic mama]

Thanks!  I appreciate the feedback.  My mom ended up talking to him about it, and you are right, it was not a huge deal to him like it is to us. She told him that she wasn't going to be married anymore and he didn't really ask any questions.  I have a feeling that he may have questions later, but for now, we're good.  Much less complicated than expected!