Why is it so hard to understand that "due date" is over a MONTH?

[MegBoz]

My DS didn't arrive until 41W4D & the wait was awful. The worst part was all the comments constantly at work (starting even at like 37-38W), "Any day huh?"

Then, "You're still here!?"

I'll be at 40W on March 12, but I've made a deliberate point this time to keep focused on the entire 5-week range from 37-42W rather than thinking I'm "due" 3/12. So when people ask when I'm due, I just say "March" or "anywhere from late February to late March."

Just now, a neighbor asked and I said, "Anywhere from 4-9 weeks." 

She looked confused, paused, then replied, "Oh, so you don't know?''

Seriously?!

She has 2 young kids of her own -- so you'd think the concept that gestation lasts, on average from 37-42W wouldn't be such an odd concept to her. (I just said, "Oh, no, I'll be 40W on 3/12.")

I just don't get why it is so odd & confusing to people when I say I'm "due" in March instead of giving them an exact date!!

[fruitfulmomma]

It is an odd concept though in our society. The medical establishment doesn't teach that babies can come any time during a 5 week period. Many get concerned if a woman isn't showing signs by 38 weeks and want to start messing with things. 40 + 1 is then "late" and 41 weeks is really pushing it and since we all "know" that the longer the baby stays in the risk of stillbirth goes up, then the sooner we get the baby out the better. Medically technology makes us feel like we are in control of everything and we can know exactly when things are going to happen. When our experience is different from theirs, they assume something is wrong.

I've had 2 44 weekers and the comments, even from homebirthers, is just irritating. I've called medical offices and told them I was 42 weeks and got a response that indicated to me that she didn't even know that was possible. I've been asked if one of my 44 weekers was born outside the states, because ya know we don't do that here. I told people numerous times with the last one that she was "due" in November but I didn't believe she would be born before the first week of December and they were in complete panic when December 1st came and went. She was born on the 10th and looked like a 39 weeker.

My cycles are long and my babies are slow cookers. I am totally cool with that. I don't feel I need to have a detailed conversation about my menstrual cycles and the variations in gestation with every nosy who asks, so when I say baby will come late and it actually happens, they have already worked themselves into a panic. Eh, if we get pregnant again I am just going to give a random number sometime a month after the edd. Don't need their stress.

[Marissamom]

Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma 

It is an odd concept though in our society. The medical establishment doesn't teach that babies can come any time during a 5 week period. Many get concerned if a woman isn't showing signs by 38 weeks and want to start messing with things. 40 + 1 is then "late" and 41 weeks is really pushing it and since we all "know" that the longer the baby stays in the risk of stillbirth goes up, then the sooner we get the baby out the better. Medically technology makes us feel like we are in control of everything and we can know exactly when things are going to happen. When our experience is different from theirs, they assume something is wrong.

I've had 2 44 weekers and the comments, even from homebirthers, is just irritating. I've called medical offices and told them I was 42 weeks and got a response that indicated to me that she didn't even know that was possible. I've been asked if one of my 44 weekers was born outside the states, because ya know we don't do that here. I told people numerous times with the last one that she was "due" in November but I didn't believe she would be born before the first week of December and they were in complete panic when December 1st came and went. She was born on the 10th and looked like a 39 weeker.

My cycles are long and my babies are slow cookers. I am totally cool with that. I don't feel I need to have a detailed conversation about my menstrual cycles and the variations in gestation with every nosy who asks, so when I say baby will come late and it actually happens, they have already worked themselves into a panic. Eh, if we get pregnant again I am just going to give a random number sometime a month after the edd. Don't need their stress.

a friend of my little sister was born at 46 weeks. perfectly healthy, though a little overdue looking. 

[Smokering]

...Yep. I learned with my first pregnancy not to give any date more specific than "March". This time I've been rash enough to say "early June", but I think I might just switch it to "June" next time someone asks. I have no idea how late (or early) I'll go, because I was induced with DD at 39+4.

I think the psychology of birth would have been dramatically different when women were expecting their babies "this spring" or "probably a few months away yet", you know? I had no clue about my dates with DD, so if it hadn't been for a dating scan (I found out I was PG at 6 weeks, sort of by accident - shudder to think how long it might have taken me otherwise!) I would have been utterly clueless about the EDD.

[Ola_]

Yup, I've been telling people "sometime in April" when they ask.  Half the time that gets a puzzled reaction too, so I just explain that I'm not getting hung up on one day because I know babies have their own schedules anyway.

What gets me is when mamas (on more mainstream boards usually) get excited when their due date is moved to earlier, usually after one of their ultrasounds.  Kind of like "yay, my baby will be here sooner!".  And I'm thinking, no it won't, you'll just get pressured to induce sooner.  Sigh...

[Tumble Bumbles]

I usually just give an arbitrary "oh around...." date that works out to be about 41 weeks gestation. I just don't need people's thoughts and opinions unintentionally cursing my experience (by worrying, etc).

That way if babe comes a week or so later, not too big of a deal (in their minds) and if he comes a week or so earlier, it's fine too (to them). I find it so weird that people don't mind babies coming weeks earlier but get all kinds of freaked to think they may be a few days "late".

DD came at 42.5 weeks and other than very little vernix and a bit of meconium in there, was completely and totally perfect :)

[MegBoz]

On the one hand, I've actually thought it might be beneficial for me to state the 5-week range when asked when I'm due to reinforce the fact that it is indeed normal & healthy to expect a baby in that range. (I admit, I have strong urges to change the awful American cultural views of birth.)

Thankfully most people at work have been really cool about it.

Although I needed someone to cover my aerobics classes. She asked when I was due and I gave my "From late Feb through late March" answer & said something else too.

She just emailed back, "OK, but when are you going on maternity leave?"

LOL, I was annoyed at first thinking, 'I go on leave when baby arrives and that is anywhere from late Feb to late march! Isn't that what I just wrote?!' But I realized I can't very well expect her to keep her schedule open & be prepared to teach my classes for that big of a range - that's not fair to her. So I asked her to agree to cover from when I'm 40W & for 6 weeks beyond that. If baby comes earlier, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma 

I've been asked if one of my 44 weekers was born outside the states, because ya know we don't do that here.

I was LOL at that. I know, the idea of being outside the "norm" is so odd to some people. I've had those reactions about HB like, "What, you can do that?!" 

Considering how very many women have sincerely uttered the words, "My doc won't let me go beyond 41W." I'm not the least bit surprised that people think 'we don't do that here' about going to 44W.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ola_ 

What gets me is when mamas (on more mainstream boards usually) get excited when their due date is moved to earlier, usually after one of their ultrasounds.  Kind of like "yay, my baby will be here sooner!".  And I'm thinking, no it won't, you'll just get pressured to induce sooner.  Sigh...

Well, Ola, did you notice the little counter in your signature stops at 40W? Hahah... just a little amusing irony I had to point out.

Yeah, totally feel the same way on "You'll get induction pressure sooner" - I never go on mainstream mama boards anyway just like I never watch the birth shows on TLC. Makes me way too insane & furious. 

[Nutter]

As a doula, I hear the frustration of my clients time and again as their due dates come and go, and they face increasing pressure from everyone to 'have that baby already'.

As soon as I knew I was pregnant, I decided that I wasn't going to tell anyone my EDD. My "due date" is May 14th, but the only people who know that are my midwives and DH.  The conversations typically go like this:

Inquisitor: So when are you due?

Me: In May.

Inquisitor: May what?

Me: *shrug* "Babies come when they're ready.  There is a month-long window that most healthy babies typically arrive in, so we expect our baby will likely arrive sometime in May."

Then one of a couple things happen:

Inquisitor: Uh...huh...  *bewildered look*

Me: *Smile*

OR

Inquisitor: Oh.  So you don't know your due date?" -

Me: "Due dates are just guesses.  Babies come when they are ready."

OR

Inquisitor: Yeah, but what DAY in May? Because I/my mother/my best friends dog has a birthday on May__" 

Me: "May is a popular month for a babies to be born isn't it?!   

It would be almost funny if it wasn't so darn irritating!

[fruitfulmomma]

Well, Ola, did you notice the little counter in your signature stops at 40W? Hahah... just a little amusing irony I had to point out.

Ha! I signed up for one of those baby milestone things once and of course their computer knew my baby was born exactly on her due date so I was getting emails every month on things that she was at least a month behind in.

[RoseRedHoofbeats]

God. You know. It just occured to me that my mother and father in law were in Japan the last time I gave birth. He's a cardiologist and she is the sweetest woman in the world but... but.... Oh man I am so in for it. I already told them my due date. Crap.

~Rose

[Ola_]

Originally Posted by MegBoz 

Well, Ola, did you notice the little counter in your signature stops at 40W? Hahah... just a little amusing irony I had to point out.

Hmm, I meant the two stars that follow the 40 to be additional weeks, but I suppose that is not very clear, is it?  I can always add more after as needed.  Which reminds me, I have to discuss this with my MW at next week's appointment to see what (or rather when) she officially can and can't do.  Having legislated and publicly funded midwifery is awesome, but does come with some restrictions unfortunately.

But it was fun explaining to my MIL that she shouldn't plan to visit us on the "due date" because odds are baby won't be here yet.  She totally didn't get it...

[thencamehenry]

I was due Feb. 18th.  I didn't keep the date a secret but I did tell people "could be January, could be March."  Lots of people asked if my doctor would "let me" go till March, which was only 1.5 weeks late.

Of course my MIL still started calling and texting every day from 38 weeks on to see if I was in labor.  I completely ignored her at 39 weeks and woke up in labor on my due date.  Suck it MIL!
 

[macandcheese]

LOL. That's the exact sort of response I gave ("Oh, anywhere from December 17 to January 21 ..."), and I had people get seriously angry with that! I'd explain the whole 5-week window thing and they'd seem to get it—but then they'd just ask my due date again anyway :P
 

Originally Posted by MegBoz 

My DS didn't arrive until 41W4D & the wait was awful. The worst part was all the comments constantly at work (starting even at like 37-38W), "Any day huh?"

Then, "You're still here!?"

I'll be at 40W on March 12, but I've made a deliberate point this time to keep focused on the entire 5-week range from 37-42W rather than thinking I'm "due" 3/12. So when people ask when I'm due, I just say "March" or "anywhere from late February to late March."

Just now, a neighbor asked and I said, "Anywhere from 4-9 weeks." 

She looked confused, paused, then replied, "Oh, so you don't know?''

Seriously?!

She has 2 young kids of her own -- so you'd think the concept that gestation lasts, on average from 37-42W wouldn't be such an odd concept to her. (I just said, "Oh, no, I'll be 40W on 3/12.")

I just don't get why it is so odd & confusing to people when I say I'm "due" in March instead of giving them an exact date!!

[Smokering]

Of course my MIL still started calling and texting every day from 38 weeks on to see if I was in labor.  I completely ignored her at 39 weeks and woke up in labor on my due date.  Suck it MIL!

Heh. My mother - who is an ex-midwife and had six kids, so she is by no means clueless - was determined to be tactful and not nag me about going into labour. But every time I rang up, there'd be this slight gasp on the other end of the line and she'd say in a strained voice "...How are you?". It was hilarious... although, being heavily pregnant, still annoying. :p

[aidenn]

I won't hesitate to state my due date, but when the inevitable "you're still here?!" comments begin, I always snark back that its a guess date not an eviction date.  I usually get a few awkward chuckles, though I don't know if that's because I'm being snarky or that it's a cute comeback to those that have never heard it.

My mom's calling daily right now, but with her it seems like more of a cute little quirk, like how some kids need a bedtime story or something.  "No, mom, still pregnant.  Have a good night!"

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by Smokering 

But every time I rang up, there'd be this slight gasp on the other end of the line and she'd say in a strained voice "...How are you?". It was hilarious... although, being heavily pregnant, still annoying. :p

Ha! My Mom emailed me instead of calling - which I generally prefer anyway. I remember at least once she said, "you will notice I'm asking 'how are you?' and not 'are you in labor? :)" or something like that. She was trying to be a little funny, while also still trying to be sensitive to my emotional state & how it was driving me batty to get comments constantly at work. I found it sweet.