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post #41 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post

why would they remove her from my home? what would cause that?

 

Oh no mama, I do NOT think that they will!!!!  I really hope you didn't get that from me, I was not intending to imply that!!!

 

(and to answer your question, IF they do, it will be b/c the system is broken.  It would NOT be your fault.)
 

post #42 of 114
Thread Starter 

We go to court Friday. I have 2 letters from the Ped., 2 letters from psychiatrist, 2 letters from the therapist, and a letter from the CPS worker.

I am objecting the psychological exam....I guess we'll see :/

post #43 of 114

 

Will the ped., psychiatrist, therapist and CPS worker be able to come in to testify in person?  That might have more weight than the letters by themselves... What does your lawyer say? (You did say earlier in the thread that you found one who would take the case, right?)

post #44 of 114

I will continue to keep you in my positive thoughts/prayers.  Keep your head up, mama. Even if they try to tell you this is all you being crazy- know that it's only a Legal Tactic. Remember that it's really NOT YOU! Honestly! I know how hard that is to process, but continue to remind yourself during this time that you ARE strong, you ARE Wonderful and you ARE an amazing mama! Hang in there and please know that you are LOVED and SUPPORTED here at MDC :)  

post #45 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ione View Post

 

Will the ped., psychiatrist, therapist and CPS worker be able to come in to testify in person?  That might have more weight than the letters by themselves... What does your lawyer say? (You did say earlier in the thread that you found one who would take the case, right?)



She is probably not having an actual trial at this point - letter's should suffice for now, but when it eventually goes to trial she will need them to testify.

post #46 of 114
I'll be thinking of you on Friday... (((HUG)))
post #47 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post

We go to court Friday. I have 2 letters from the Ped., 2 letters from psychiatrist, 2 letters from the therapist, and a letter from the CPS worker.

I am objecting the psychological exam....I guess we'll see :/

 

 

goodvibes.gifgoodvibes.gifgoodvibes.gifgoodvibes.gifgoodvibes.giffor Friday goodvibes.gifgoodvibes.gifgoodvibes.gifgoodvibes.gifgoodvibes.gif

 

post #48 of 114

Thinking of you today and tomorrow.  I hope all is well!!!!  Please update us this weekend when you get time.

post #49 of 114

 

 

Hoping everything went well today hug2.gif

post #50 of 114
Thread Starter 

So court went ok. I do have to do the psychological exam, but he has to pay for him and I to take it. No visits period, atleast until CPS finishes the investigation. The GAL blatantly lied. She is acting weird since he lawyered up. She kinda twisted things around and took things out of context also. I was getting pissed off about that. They of course disected all the letters I had and they really tried to make the case of parental alienation syndrome. I'll have to schedule my testing in a week. They will break it up into 3 sessions for me since I am a nursing mom though. I don't know when we go back to court over it though. I was told that the testing is VERY expensive, a couple thousand each?

 

After court she had her exam done with the child abuse clinic. They didn't see any trauma to the area that would show abuse. However, something I found to be interesting is that the redness they have seen in that area for months and even at the ER after she made her disclosure is gone. She has had that redness since October when she first started complaining it hurt there. I hope he noted that. He will send his report to the CPS worker. I guess she will have to meet with a forensic investigator next?

 

I need to learn some breathing exercises to do during testing so I don't get worked up and fail :/

post #51 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post

So court went ok. I do have to do the psychological exam, but he has to pay for him and I to take it. No visits period, atleast until CPS finishes the investigation. The GAL blatantly lied. She is acting weird since he lawyered up. She kinda twisted things around and took things out of context also. I was getting pissed off about that. They of course disected all the letters I had and they really tried to make the case of parental alienation syndrome. I'll have to schedule my testing in a week. They will break it up into 3 sessions for me since I am a nursing mom though. I don't know when we go back to court over it though. I was told that the testing is VERY expensive, a couple thousand each?

 

After court she had her exam done with the child abuse clinic. They didn't see any trauma to the area that would show abuse. However, something I found to be interesting is that the redness they have seen in that area for months and even at the ER after she made her disclosure is gone. She has had that redness since October when she first started complaining it hurt there. I hope he noted that. He will send his report to the CPS worker. I guess she will have to meet with a forensic investigator next?

 

I need to learn some breathing exercises to do during testing so I don't get worked up and fail :/


Yes, the forensic evaluation is very expensive.  Some advice, since I've BTDT:

 

Be honest.  Don't play up certain things, don't downplay things either.  It's OK to not be perfect.  It's OK to be worried (parents worry, everyone knows that!).  It's OK to follow dr's orders.

 

Take the letter's from the doctors to the evaluator.  Type up all their phone numbers and take those too (the evaluator will want to talk to them).  Tell him about the GAL and how she changed her tune as soon as he got a lawyer, and take her phone number.

 

If you have any close close close family/friends that will speak on your behalf, take their phone numbers as well.  NOT your mother.  If you have a therapist, take that number as well.  (I say take phone numbers b/c the evaluator will call people to reconcile your story with other people that are close to you)

 

You want him to believe you, but don't be desperate.  Once you get the name of the person, LOOK THEM UP.  Look up online and find out any information you can about them - reviews by clients, their website, anything and everything. 

 

Don't treat this evaluation as a therapy appointment - they are not there to treat you they are there to evaluate the situation.  Mine was very abrupt, didn't waste any time, just took lots of notes.  He was almost rude (not quite but almost).  Even if you get a nice person, treat it like you would a formal interview - it is not a therapy appointment.  Do not get comfortable - just give the facts.  Also, take any documentation that you have of visitation or anything that pertains to this.

 

Also, if you are worried something might be left out of a report, CALL the doctor and TELL THEM to put it in.  The redness is physical evidence of something.  Say, "I just remembered something, and I wanted to make sure that its in dd's records at the doctor.  Remember that redness and we couldn't figure out where it was coming from?  It's completely gone now that she doesn't have visitation."

 

I'm glad things went well yesterday!

post #52 of 114

I'm so sorry you and your DD are going through this, and I'm happy to hear you are working with therapists/psychiatrists so that she has a support system.  Another thought, have you reported this to the police?  Directly?  I know that you may want to weigh this, because obviously in a criminal setting defendants have a right of cross examination, but if you report it to the police the DA's office will get involved.  I don't know where you live, but I can tell you that I am a former assistant district attorney (states attorney in some states) and the women who handled all of the child abuse cases in our office is fantastic!  She is very invested in them and supportive.  Our office (as is common in PA) has a victim/witness department and they are trained to work with children who have been abused. 

 

I want to suggest this as an option because CPS is (at least in PA) VERY hit and miss, some of the people do their jobs very well and care and are in invested, and others....not so much.  In my county, my former office had a struggle with CPS because they wouldn't report things to us and wouldn't cooperate with us if they thought someone was "unbelievable" or they didn't like the parent/victim (horrible to say, but it was sadly true).  Also, the law in criminal settings is different than in civil settings.  The beauty of the criminal system is that the scrutiny will be where it belongs -- on your EX -- not on you.  No one will make you take tests.  They could have your daughter go through a competency exam (depending on her age to see if she know the difference between lies and the truth) and it will probably require your daughter and you to testify, but it will end with a conviction if there is proof beyond a reasonable doubt. 

 

This post is somewhat scattered, but I do think that reporting this to the police can only help you and your DD (as long as she is aware of the possibility that she will have to testify) and I think that most DAs have staffs that are well equipped to handle this and they take their jobs very seriously.

 

post #53 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by aleatha5 View Post

I'm so sorry you and your DD are going through this, and I'm happy to hear you are working with therapists/psychiatrists so that she has a support system.  Another thought, have you reported this to the police?  Directly?  I know that you may want to weigh this, because obviously in a criminal setting defendants have a right of cross examination, but if you report it to the police the DA's office will get involved.  I don't know where you live, but I can tell you that I am a former assistant district attorney (states attorney in some states) and the women who handled all of the child abuse cases in our office is fantastic!  She is very invested in them and supportive.  Our office (as is common in PA) has a victim/witness department and they are trained to work with children who have been abused. 

 

I want to suggest this as an option because CPS is (at least in PA) VERY hit and miss, some of the people do their jobs very well and care and are in invested, and others....not so much.  In my county, my former office had a struggle with CPS because they wouldn't report things to us and wouldn't cooperate with us if they thought someone was "unbelievable" or they didn't like the parent/victim (horrible to say, but it was sadly true).  Also, the law in criminal settings is different than in civil settings.  The beauty of the criminal system is that the scrutiny will be where it belongs -- on your EX -- not on you.  No one will make you take tests.  They could have your daughter go through a competency exam (depending on her age to see if she know the difference between lies and the truth) and it will probably require your daughter and you to testify, but it will end with a conviction if there is proof beyond a reasonable doubt. 

 

This post is somewhat scattered, but I do think that reporting this to the police can only help you and your DD (as long as she is aware of the possibility that she will have to testify) and I think that most DAs have staffs that are well equipped to handle this and they take their jobs very seriously.

 


I think (don't know of course as the OP is anonymous) that the child is very young.

 

Also, were you referring to the defendants right to face his accuser?  That right does exist, but it has been found that a defendant can be barred from the courtroom if a child is too afraid to testify in front of them, the reasoning being that the attorney was still there to cross-examine and was there in the defendants place (this was in family court, not criminal court, but I would argue it would apply if a child was afraid to testify).  Of course, both parents were excluded so as not to be prejudicial, but it may be done.

post #54 of 114
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post

So court went ok. I do have to do the psychological exam, but he has to pay for him and I to take it. No visits period, atleast until CPS finishes the investigation. The GAL blatantly lied. She is acting weird since he lawyered up. She kinda twisted things around and took things out of context also. I was getting pissed off about that. They of course disected all the letters I had and they really tried to make the case of parental alienation syndrome. I'll have to schedule my testing in a week. They will break it up into 3 sessions for me since I am a nursing mom though. I don't know when we go back to court over it though. I was told that the testing is VERY expensive, a couple thousand each?

 

After court she had her exam done with the child abuse clinic. They didn't see any trauma to the area that would show abuse. However, something I found to be interesting is that the redness they have seen in that area for months and even at the ER after she made her disclosure is gone. She has had that redness since October when she first started complaining it hurt there. I hope he noted that. He will send his report to the CPS worker. I guess she will have to meet with a forensic investigator next?

 

I need to learn some breathing exercises to do during testing so I don't get worked up and fail :/


Yes, the forensic evaluation is very expensive.  Some advice, since I've BTDT:

 

Be honest.  Don't play up certain things, don't downplay things either.  It's OK to not be perfect.  It's OK to be worried (parents worry, everyone knows that!).  It's OK to follow dr's orders.

 

Take the letter's from the doctors to the evaluator.  Type up all their phone numbers and take those too (the evaluator will want to talk to them).  Tell him about the GAL and how she changed her tune as soon as he got a lawyer, and take her phone number.

 

If you have any close close close family/friends that will speak on your behalf, take their phone numbers as well.  NOT your mother.  If you have a therapist, take that number as well.  (I say take phone numbers b/c the evaluator will call people to reconcile your story with other people that are close to you)

 

You want him to believe you, but don't be desperate.  Once you get the name of the person, LOOK THEM UP.  Look up online and find out any information you can about them - reviews by clients, their website, anything and everything. 

 

Don't treat this evaluation as a therapy appointment - they are not there to treat you they are there to evaluate the situation.  Mine was very abrupt, didn't waste any time, just took lots of notes.  He was almost rude (not quite but almost).  Even if you get a nice person, treat it like you would a formal interview - it is not a therapy appointment.  Do not get comfortable - just give the facts.  Also, take any documentation that you have of visitation or anything that pertains to this.

 

Also, if you are worried something might be left out of a report, CALL the doctor and TELL THEM to put it in.  The redness is physical evidence of something.  Say, "I just remembered something, and I wanted to make sure that its in dd's records at the doctor.  Remember that redness and we couldn't figure out where it was coming from?  It's completely gone now that she doesn't have visitation."

 

I'm glad things went well yesterday!

I don't believe I have to take anything for him to review, he will have everything that has been filed with the court already, so he will have all those copies. Atleast this is what I was told.
 

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by aleatha5 View Post

I'm so sorry you and your DD are going through this, and I'm happy to hear you are working with therapists/psychiatrists so that she has a support system.  Another thought, have you reported this to the police?  Directly?  I know that you may want to weigh this, because obviously in a criminal setting defendants have a right of cross examination, but if you report it to the police the DA's office will get involved.  I don't know where you live, but I can tell you that I am a former assistant district attorney (states attorney in some states) and the women who handled all of the child abuse cases in our office is fantastic!  She is very invested in them and supportive.  Our office (as is common in PA) has a victim/witness department and they are trained to work with children who have been abused. 

 

I want to suggest this as an option because CPS is (at least in PA) VERY hit and miss, some of the people do their jobs very well and care and are in invested, and others....not so much.  In my county, my former office had a struggle with CPS because they wouldn't report things to us and wouldn't cooperate with us if they thought someone was "unbelievable" or they didn't like the parent/victim (horrible to say, but it was sadly true).  Also, the law in criminal settings is different than in civil settings.  The beauty of the criminal system is that the scrutiny will be where it belongs -- on your EX -- not on you.  No one will make you take tests.  They could have your daughter go through a competency exam (depending on her age to see if she know the difference between lies and the truth) and it will probably require your daughter and you to testify, but it will end with a conviction if there is proof beyond a reasonable doubt. 

 

This post is somewhat scattered, but I do think that reporting this to the police can only help you and your DD (as long as she is aware of the possibility that she will have to testify) and I think that most DAs have staffs that are well equipped to handle this and they take their jobs very seriously.

 

My daughter is 4.5. When the initial report was made, it was also reported to the Children's Justice Center, which are police I believe? I will double check that. I was told that our next step is that a detective from the CJC will talk with my daughter and they will send whatever to the prosecuting attorney and they will decide if they can prosecute. I was told that she wouldn't be in court because she is too young.
 

post #55 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post

So court went ok. I do have to do the psychological exam, but he has to pay for him and I to take it. No visits period, atleast until CPS finishes the investigation. The GAL blatantly lied. She is acting weird since he lawyered up. She kinda twisted things around and took things out of context also. I was getting pissed off about that. They of course disected all the letters I had and they really tried to make the case of parental alienation syndrome. I'll have to schedule my testing in a week. They will break it up into 3 sessions for me since I am a nursing mom though. I don't know when we go back to court over it though. I was told that the testing is VERY expensive, a couple thousand each?

 

After court she had her exam done with the child abuse clinic. They didn't see any trauma to the area that would show abuse. However, something I found to be interesting is that the redness they have seen in that area for months and even at the ER after she made her disclosure is gone. She has had that redness since October when she first started complaining it hurt there. I hope he noted that. He will send his report to the CPS worker. I guess she will have to meet with a forensic investigator next?

 

I need to learn some breathing exercises to do during testing so I don't get worked up and fail :/


Yes, the forensic evaluation is very expensive.  Some advice, since I've BTDT:

 

Be honest.  Don't play up certain things, don't downplay things either.  It's OK to not be perfect.  It's OK to be worried (parents worry, everyone knows that!).  It's OK to follow dr's orders.

 

Take the letter's from the doctors to the evaluator.  Type up all their phone numbers and take those too (the evaluator will want to talk to them).  Tell him about the GAL and how she changed her tune as soon as he got a lawyer, and take her phone number.

 

If you have any close close close family/friends that will speak on your behalf, take their phone numbers as well.  NOT your mother.  If you have a therapist, take that number as well.  (I say take phone numbers b/c the evaluator will call people to reconcile your story with other people that are close to you)

 

You want him to believe you, but don't be desperate.  Once you get the name of the person, LOOK THEM UP.  Look up online and find out any information you can about them - reviews by clients, their website, anything and everything. 

 

Don't treat this evaluation as a therapy appointment - they are not there to treat you they are there to evaluate the situation.  Mine was very abrupt, didn't waste any time, just took lots of notes.  He was almost rude (not quite but almost).  Even if you get a nice person, treat it like you would a formal interview - it is not a therapy appointment.  Do not get comfortable - just give the facts.  Also, take any documentation that you have of visitation or anything that pertains to this.

 

Also, if you are worried something might be left out of a report, CALL the doctor and TELL THEM to put it in.  The redness is physical evidence of something.  Say, "I just remembered something, and I wanted to make sure that its in dd's records at the doctor.  Remember that redness and we couldn't figure out where it was coming from?  It's completely gone now that she doesn't have visitation."

 

I'm glad things went well yesterday!

I don't believe I have to take anything for him to review, he will have everything that has been filed with the court already, so he will have all those copies. Atleast this is what I was told.
 

 


 

Yes, he will have everything filed with the court so far, but if you have copies of the letters I would take them anyway, just in case.  It backs up your story, and you want to make sure he has access to that.  The phone numbers he will need, and they may not be in the court records, but since you will have 3 sessions you can ask what numbers he needs and bring them the next time.

 

You sound like you're doing really well with all of this.  I admire your strength, I really don't know if I would be so calm.

post #56 of 114
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post

So court went ok. I do have to do the psychological exam, but he has to pay for him and I to take it. No visits period, atleast until CPS finishes the investigation. The GAL blatantly lied. She is acting weird since he lawyered up. She kinda twisted things around and took things out of context also. I was getting pissed off about that. They of course disected all the letters I had and they really tried to make the case of parental alienation syndrome. I'll have to schedule my testing in a week. They will break it up into 3 sessions for me since I am a nursing mom though. I don't know when we go back to court over it though. I was told that the testing is VERY expensive, a couple thousand each?

 

After court she had her exam done with the child abuse clinic. They didn't see any trauma to the area that would show abuse. However, something I found to be interesting is that the redness they have seen in that area for months and even at the ER after she made her disclosure is gone. She has had that redness since October when she first started complaining it hurt there. I hope he noted that. He will send his report to the CPS worker. I guess she will have to meet with a forensic investigator next?

 

I need to learn some breathing exercises to do during testing so I don't get worked up and fail :/


Yes, the forensic evaluation is very expensive.  Some advice, since I've BTDT:

 

Be honest.  Don't play up certain things, don't downplay things either.  It's OK to not be perfect.  It's OK to be worried (parents worry, everyone knows that!).  It's OK to follow dr's orders.

 

Take the letter's from the doctors to the evaluator.  Type up all their phone numbers and take those too (the evaluator will want to talk to them).  Tell him about the GAL and how she changed her tune as soon as he got a lawyer, and take her phone number.

 

If you have any close close close family/friends that will speak on your behalf, take their phone numbers as well.  NOT your mother.  If you have a therapist, take that number as well.  (I say take phone numbers b/c the evaluator will call people to reconcile your story with other people that are close to you)

 

You want him to believe you, but don't be desperate.  Once you get the name of the person, LOOK THEM UP.  Look up online and find out any information you can about them - reviews by clients, their website, anything and everything. 

 

Don't treat this evaluation as a therapy appointment - they are not there to treat you they are there to evaluate the situation.  Mine was very abrupt, didn't waste any time, just took lots of notes.  He was almost rude (not quite but almost).  Even if you get a nice person, treat it like you would a formal interview - it is not a therapy appointment.  Do not get comfortable - just give the facts.  Also, take any documentation that you have of visitation or anything that pertains to this.

 

Also, if you are worried something might be left out of a report, CALL the doctor and TELL THEM to put it in.  The redness is physical evidence of something.  Say, "I just remembered something, and I wanted to make sure that its in dd's records at the doctor.  Remember that redness and we couldn't figure out where it was coming from?  It's completely gone now that she doesn't have visitation."

 

I'm glad things went well yesterday!

I don't believe I have to take anything for him to review, he will have everything that has been filed with the court already, so he will have all those copies. Atleast this is what I was told.
 

 


 

Yes, he will have everything filed with the court so far, but if you have copies of the letters I would take them anyway, just in case.  It backs up your story, and you want to make sure he has access to that.  The phone numbers he will need, and they may not be in the court records, but since you will have 3 sessions you can ask what numbers he needs and bring them the next time.

 

You sound like you're doing really well with all of this.  I admire your strength, I really don't know if I would be so calm.

I feel like I am having a constant anxiety attack. I am worried about this psych exam...like what if I get nervous and break down :( what if I "fail"...I feel like I have failed my daughter :/ I constantly feel sick and like I could break down and cry.

Mostly it's my anxiety :(
 

post #57 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post


I feel like I am having a constant anxiety attack. I am worried about this psych exam...like what if I get nervous and break down :( what if I "fail"...I feel like I have failed my daughter :/ I constantly feel sick and like I could break down and cry.

Mostly it's my anxiety :(
 


Your anxiety is completely understandable, are you seeking some counseling for yourself?  You are living every mothers worst nightmare, and you need to take care of yourself as well, as best you can anyway. 

 

I highly doubt you will "fail" the eval.  If you feel yourself getting nervous or upset, ask for a break to use the bathroom (and if you do it in front of the evaluator, take a few minutes to compose yourself or excuse yourself to the restroom.  Then explain that you are really worried about your dd and very nervous - both are honest and understandable emotions and reactions).  Go cry, wipe your eyes, wash your face and go back.  Mostly the evaluator is looking for honesty - if you're completely blank the whole time you are there, well, that wouldn't feel genuine to them.  It won't be terrible, the evaluator won't be mean to you (may not be compassionate either, but won't be mean).  It would be a good idea to see a therapist for yourself before going to the eval, so that you can get out all of the emotions and everything first, which may allow you to express yourself a bit better at the eval.  It will be OK.  You will not fail your dd.  You are doing everything you can for her.

 

hug2.gif

post #58 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post

I feel like I have failed my daughter :/ 

 

mama you have NOT failed her. if you had she would be at her fathers right now. but instead its NO VISITATION!!!

 

mama you have to find music or a bath or whatever to calm yourself down and BELIEVE that your daughter WILL BE SAFE. that no matter what the outcome your dd will be protected. that is what you need to believe in. sometimes half the battle is won if you believe in it yourself. 

 

look mama how much you HAVE ALREADY achieved. you already have half the organisations supporting you. that is key and that is HUGE. this psych eval is just play. something to delay. something to divert the attention. 

 

remember this is not about you. this is your ex trying his best not to get on the pedophile list. and he will go to any lengths to do it. he is the agressor. you are just defending yourself. 

 

and i agree. i would take ALL copies with you. i have dealt much with govt services to know you never take anything for granted. always, always ALWAYS take copies. if you dont need them that's ok. at least if you need them they are RIGHT there. 
 

post #59 of 114
Thread Starter 

I just found out that CPS is close to closing the investigation! they didn't even have a investigator talk to her...they said they don't have the man power to do it :( it's not fair

post #60 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post

I just found out that CPS is close to closing the investigation! they didn't even have a investigator talk to her...they said they don't have the man power to do it :( it's not fair



Talk to your lawyer.  See if there is anything you can do about it - it sounds like he and his lawyer have been making threats, and they don't want to deal with it.

 

ETA - also, ask the social worker what she is going to put into the report for the court (I'm assuming the court wants a copy of the report).  You need to know that in order to know how to proceed.

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