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this can't be happening - Page 4

post #61 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post

I just found out that CPS is close to closing the investigation! they didn't even have a investigator talk to her...they said they don't have the man power to do it :( it's not fair

 

OMG  how is that in the best interest of the child?

 

Have you made a report with local police as a PP recomended. Hopefully  she will pop in again with some advice.

 

post #62 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post

I just found out that CPS is close to closing the investigation! they didn't even have a investigator talk to her...they said they don't have the man power to do it :( it's not fair



Outrageous.  I am assuming you are still continuing with the other individuals who are investigating?  If so, I wouldn't worry too much.  It could be that CPS is leaving it up to them.  In my state, our Child Protection Center which is run by a hospital typically takes care of these cases after receiving them from CPS. 

 

As for the psych eval--you do not need to worry.  This will very likely work in your favor.  You are a caring mama...you are not going to "fail."  The psychologist is going to expect and understand the emotions that you are having.  You wouldn't be having these emotions if you weren't a good mama.  They will know this.  My experience has been that psych evals frequently are good at making the picture very clear for judges.  Please don't worry or feel that you have to be a robot who has no feelings.  You are strong and you will do well. 

post #63 of 114

i am so sorry this is happening to you.

it sounds very similar.

and it's hard.

and nothing is ever fair.

 

please contact me if you need someone to talk to. good luck. stillheart.gif

post #64 of 114
Thread Starter 

I am working with everyone involved...As for reporting it to the police, when the call is made to CPS and it involves sexual conduct, it is automatically referred to the police. Although if the police do not feel there is enough to investigate, then they hand it back over to CPS...so reporting it to the police would end up with nothing.

 

I start going for the psych eval in March. The psychologist wanted the 1st appointment to be 5-6 hours! I asked very politely if we could break it up. I informed him I was nursing and that was too long to be away from the baby. I apologized and said I wasn't trying to be difficult.

 

In other news, I have been practicing breathing and saying this chant over and over to myself, so that if I become anxious I can go to that place in my head. I am anxious and I am scared, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

I notice my temper is short too and everything seems so extreme to me. I have no patience and I am just struggling dealing with everything. Last week someone stole my wallet and stole $ from me. I struggled to pay my attorney. My daughter is just breaking down crying or is hypervigilant at all times and I am just struggling dealing with her. I find myself yelling and I honestly do not mean to. She is overstimulating me. I apologized. I feel sick when I look at her and know she is hurting and I didn't protect her.

post #65 of 114

This sounds like me. It's so hard and so draining. I feel like I've been battered and it leaves me with little energy to get through a normal day, or deal with normal kid stuff.

Hang in there. Nothing is forever. Everything is meant to be, even when things suck. You can't argue with what is, you can just learn acceptance. I am working on this daily.

Good luck. xoxo
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MDCGuest01 View Post

In other news, I have been practicing breathing and saying this chant over and over to myself, so that if I become anxious I can go to that place in my head. I am anxious and I am scared, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

I notice my temper is short too and everything seems so extreme to me. I have no patience and I am just struggling dealing with everything. Last week someone stole my wallet and stole $ from me. I struggled to pay my attorney. My daughter is just breaking down crying or is hypervigilant at all times and I am just struggling dealing with her. I find myself yelling and I honestly do not mean to. She is overstimulating me. I apologized. I feel sick when I look at her and know she is hurting and I didn't protect her.

post #66 of 114
Quote: 

In other news, I have been practicing breathing and saying this chant over and over to myself, so that if I become anxious I can go to that place in my head. I am anxious and I am scared, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

I notice my temper is short too and everything seems so extreme to me. I have no patience and I am just struggling dealing with everything. Last week someone stole my wallet and stole $ from me. I struggled to pay my attorney. My daughter is just breaking down crying or is hypervigilant at all times and I am just struggling dealing with her. I find myself yelling and I honestly do not mean to. She is overstimulating me. I apologized. I feel sick when I look at her and know she is hurting and I didn't protect her.



I cried for you when I read this. I know you feel like this is your fault, but mama, YOU are not the one who did this to her. YOU are not the parent who hurt her. You are her mother and you love her and care about her  and you wouldnt do anything to intentionally put her in harms way. You may made an oversight, but this is not YOUR fault.

 

I am so sorry to hear about CPS closing the investigation. Has there been any word on how long it will take to wrap it up or how long it will be before he is allowed visits again? Just remember may very well talk to her about the whole thing. If there is some way you could record him talking to her about the fact that he abused her, they will have to reopen the case. I know recordings like that arent good for court, but they cant keep the case closed if they know he has spoken to her about it.

 

I know your mother isnt the most supportiave person right now, but I think it would be better for her to watch DD for a little while every couple of days in order for you to have time to get your head straight. Do you leave DD at home alone? If so, could you leave her for an hour and take a break to help you calm your emotions down and keep yourself from being overstimulated?

 

You are being so strong about this, so dont think you are a bad mom just because you've lost your temper. Everything is super stressful right now, so its understandable.

post #67 of 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by josybear View Post

my lord, that's terrifying. :hug i'm so sorry  that your daughter annd you are going through this. it sounds like you're doing everything possible to protect your baby. good job, mama. i really, really hope that the system comes through for you two and gives her all the protection in the world. i hopeyou have lots of friends & family for support right now. :hug



I agree with this.  :-(   I can't even imagine.

post #68 of 114
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post





I cried for you when I read this. I know you feel like this is your fault, but mama, YOU are not the one who did this to her. YOU are not the parent who hurt her. You are her mother and you love her and care about her  and you wouldnt do anything to intentionally put her in harms way. You may made an oversight, but this is not YOUR fault.

 

I am so sorry to hear about CPS closing the investigation. Has there been any word on how long it will take to wrap it up or how long it will be before he is allowed visits again? Just remember may very well talk to her about the whole thing. If there is some way you could record him talking to her about the fact that he abused her, they will have to reopen the case. I know recordings like that arent good for court, but they cant keep the case closed if they know he has spoken to her about it.

 

I know your mother isnt the most supportiave person right now, but I think it would be better for her to watch DD for a little while every couple of days in order for you to have time to get your head straight. Do you leave DD at home alone? If so, could you leave her for an hour and take a break to help you calm your emotions down and keep yourself from being overstimulated?

 

You are being so strong about this, so dont think you are a bad mom just because you've lost your temper. Everything is super stressful right now, so its understandable.


I talked to the CPS investigator again. She has been unable to get ahold of her dad. Which seems odd to me, you'd think he would want to clear it up? He won't have visits again until we go back to court AFTER we each have a psych exam, and even then it's unclear if and when he would have visits. I have no way to record anything. Even then, I don't know how I would accomplish it.

My DD is too young to be left alone, but she has stayed some overnights with my mom. Just time for me to destress even though I can't stop thinking about her. It's so hard to be away from my babies, I miss them like crazy.

I am feeling better about the psych exam. I've been working really hard on breathing and a chant to go to that place if I become anxious. I only become anxious when I think about the future :/

post #69 of 114

*hugs* It is heartbreaking that you and your daughter are going through this right now. I hope the psych exam will be quick so you can get it over with. Don't worry about it. You will pass it with flying colors. They're most likely (although I have no background in that) looking for disturbed patterns in thinking and truthfulness. You have absolutely nothing to hide, and all you want are the right things: safety and peace of mind for your children. That's good he is shooting himself in the foot if he is guilty. It will make him seem less credible in the long run.

post #70 of 114

I just wanted to echo what so many have already said. 

 

I am sorry you are going through this.  You and your daughter are in my thoughts.

post #71 of 114

Victims Assistance in your area should get you an attorney for free!  Ask one of the people to whom you are talking for a phone number.

post #72 of 114
Thread Starter 

well, attorneys just don't work free in this area. period. I called every single family law attorney I could. Luckily my attorney charges $75 an hour and right now he isn't doing anything, so I am not being charged. He emails to communicate, so I save $.

 

I go tomorrow for the psych exam, well the first two hours, so please say a prayer or send good calming vibes.

post #73 of 114

Thinking about you today. 

post #74 of 114

I just saw this thread today.  I want to tell you I am so very sorry this is happening to you and your dd.  I am praying that things go well today.  HUGS.

post #75 of 114

thinking of you and sending peace! goodvibes.gif

post #76 of 114

I just saw this thread today. hug2.gif and goodvibes.gif. I can't even imagine what you are going through.

post #77 of 114
Thread Starter 

so the first part of the psych exam was ok. 567 MMPI-2 test and then a personality test.

I gave a firm handshake and looked him right in the eyes. I tried to act calm, but I am sure he could tell as I could feel his eyes burning through me examining every move I made and analyzing it.

So we meet again on the 24. He sent me with paperwork. I have to write instances down about the allegation and show proof. Which is where I bring in all my documentation.

So stressful. The good thing, he said usually he only looks at one allegation, but he wants to look at 2 in my case, crazy GF and the sex abuse allegation.

He said that if he feels the need, he will want a psych exam for the GF and they'll have to pay for that.

I guess we still have 4-6 more hours of meeting together though :/ the next one to go over my documentation and then a final time so he can go over everything, including documentation my ex turns in....gah I want it done. Then he'll write his report and send it to attorney's.

 

My daughter has turned the corner though. She is always hypervigilant though, but she hasn't been "depressed". She asks a ton of questions about the future though and she does ask if she will have to see him again :/

post #78 of 114
Thread Starter 

so I thought I would update.

 

We have gone through evaluations with the psychologist. We wrap things up the beginning of May. The psychologist wants to interview my daughter :/ we asked why, but I guess he has to.

The GAL is saying he should have visits, that it's in her best interest :(

It's been 4 months. My daughter is still medicated, but she is beginning to act "normal" again? I am so scared. She will finally meet with a forensic evaluator also, CPS finally asked for it.

I am shocked that the GAL is saying visits, especially with all the evidence :(

post #79 of 114

UG.  I too am surprised they want him to have visits.  I wish I had advice, but all I can offer is hugs.

post #80 of 114

Well I will say in my own experience that the courts are really pro both parents being involved in kids lives regardless of their histories. I have submitted all kinds of proof and shown how dangerous my own ex is and visits were still ordered. In your case I would tell the GAL I would only allow professionally supervised visits in a center with the GAL present until all investigations are complete and I would not budge from that stance.

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