Positive Night Weaning Thread

[Bebe's Mom]

I wanted to encourage all you sleepless mamas out there by telling my story...My DD is 16 months old and is currently night weaned, with only one wakeup a night. I started the process at 10 months by transitioning her from our bed to her crib. I loved co-sleeping, but DD is a light sleeper and every time we moved, she woke up and had to be nursed back to sleep. She was waking up 5-6 times a night, and no one was getting any sleep!

I started putting her in her crib for naps for the first three weeks and then started putting her down in the crib at night. At first, she would only sleep in her crib for an hour, and then she would come into the bed with us. Within a month, she was sleeping in her crib for most of the night, waking up three times to nurse and then coming into the bed around 5 a.m. for her last feeding.

At this point, we reached a plateau, and I tried several different methods to try to night wean her, and nothing seemed to work. We had lots of tears and waking up through the night for the next three months. I was mainly trying to do Dr. Jay Gordon's method, with a bit of Elizabeth Pantley thrown in..At one point she regressed back into the bed with us. She was also teething during this period, which was making it more difficult to night wean her. At one point, I almost gave up.

Then her tooth came in. She was still not nightweaned and was waking up several times a night. I tried rocking her to sleep. As soon as I put her in the crib she woke up and started to scream. Finally, one night I had had enough. I decided that I was not going to nurse her at night any more..I just couldn't do it anymore, I had reached my limit. I was exhausted, and I knew she was too. We both had dark circles under our eyes.

My husband moved out to the couch for the next two weeks and we started night weaning in earnest. (He was not helping the process, because he hated to hear her scream, and would make me pick her up if it went on for too long..) I nursed her to sleep at night and if she woke up before 11 p.m., I would nurse her back to sleep. If she woke in the night, I would not pick her up or nurse her, but I would come to her and sit next to the crib, rubbing her back or her head, or holding her hand. I hated to hear her cry, but she knew I was right there, comforting her, and eventually she realized that she was not going to be nursing for comfort throughout the night and started to learn how to soothe herself back to sleep.

The first week was rough. She was MAD. She threw everything out of her crib, refused sippy cup and food, and screamed for hours...Gradually, she started sleeping more and screaming less. What I realized during this time was that she needed to understand that I was not going to nurse her, no matter how long she cried. This was the hardest part, because I really really wanted to stop her crying. But I also realized that I was prolonging the agony by giving in to her demands. Once she understood that crying was not going to get her anywhere, she stopped crying. I know some of you may think this is harsh or wrong, but sometimes you have to do what is best for the child and that does not always dovetail with what the child wants. I knew that she didn't need to nurse, she wanted to nurse, and that what she needed more was sleep. I try to avoid power struggles with my child, but this was a battle worth fighting.

It took about three weeks to fully night wean her. Now she wakes up once a night on average and it takes ten minutes to get her back to sleep. She is a much happier child because she is getting more sleep, and we are happier parents.

She usually gets between 5-7 hours of unbroken sleep a night. Then she wakes up around 5 a.m. and comes into bed with me for her morning nursing session. She usually falls back to sleep for an hour or two, and we get up at 7:30 most mornings. I am no longer sleep deprived, wandering around in a fog, losing things and I am feeling like I have my sanity restored.

I just wanted to post this because I know how hopeless I was, I thought my child would never sleep through the night and that I was doing everything wrong. If you are having trouble night weaning, I highly recommend Dr. Gordon's method. I have a very strong willed child, and I knew that she would never wean herself. I had to do it. His method works very well, as long as you are consistent and remain committed. Good luck to all of you, I wish you many nights of sleep and good rest for you and your child(ren)!!

http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

[mamma2j]

Thank you!!  I've been considering Dr. Gordon's nightweaning method myself, but I just keep putting it off because I can't deal with the crying.  My baby is almost 11 months, and actually does not nurse anymore but we cosleep.  She moves around a lot at night, and often wakes herself up, unable to fall back asleep unless I get up and sit in the rocking chair with her.  She'll then fall asleep and come back to bed.  She starts the first hour or so in her crib and by the time we go to bed, she's in with us too.  She will not let us put her back in the crib, only our bed, otherwise she freaks out crying the second we put her down.  I think my rocking her is kinda like nursing in that it is the only way to comfort her back to sleep. She will not even calm down with a cuddle in bed, but the second I get up she's fine!  Anyway, one question I have is, did your DD sit up/stand up at all during this process?  what did you do about that?  I know if I put her in her crib and make her stay there she will definitely sit/ stand!  Do I put her back down, or do I let her stand? 

Thanks for your post! 

[Tattooed Hand]

I just wanted to chime in that I began the nightweaning process 3 weeks ago and we are getting 5-7 hour stretches our of my newly 15 month old DD now. She previously woke up every 1-3 hours all night long. And we still cosleep. I read Pantley and Gordon and sort of came up with a hybrid method. I didn't want to stop cosleeping because DD loves to cuddle and taking the boobs and mama away seemed cruel. Plus I work and I wanted to be close. But DD is a light sleeper and a thrashy sleeper, so we just put a twin mattress up against our queen bed (all our beds are ikea foam mattresses on the floor).

I had begun months ago to unlatch DD per Pantley and to get her asleep some nights with out nursing (with DH walking and humming to her) but this did not lessen her wakeups. I had also been limiting her nursing to 2-3 minutes between 11 and 5. But she got sick and then got molars and she totally regressed and fights unlatching really hard.

So instead, I decided that she can nurse until 11pm and then again after 4am. The first few nights when she woke up she would cry to nurse and I would just reach out for her cuddle her and lie her down next to me. She would sit back up and get angry, swatting my hands away and crying, before plopping down again and then popping up again after a few minutes to cry more. This went on the first night for 2 hours and the second night for 45 minutes and a couple of subsequent nights for 20-30 minutes. Then she began sleeping longer stretched and putting herself back to sleep. Strangely, she still sits up when she wakes up, sometimes just plops back down or else crawls to me and cuddles herself back to sleep, and then rolls away. I am aware of her cuddling, but only vaguely and it is not disruptive at all. My DD can't make it all night though. A couple of times she went down at 7 and didn't wake up to nurse more before 11 and woke up close to 3am and would not resettle. I think she genuinely needed to nurse. I was a stickler and waited until 4am, but as of the next night, if she hasn't woken up after 9pm to nurse, I dream feed her before I go to bed (around 10:30). This has been working great and she doesn't wake up until 4 or 5, at which time I nurse her and we both go back to sleep for another couple of hours or so.

I am also very aware of making sure she gets plenty of nursing time during the day.

[4myfinn]

Thank you so much for posting this!  It is exactly what I came on mdc looking for this morning.  My son is 18 mo.  He still wakes up frequently- sometimes it's every 3-4 hours, other nights it's every 1-2.  He wakes frequently with gas or to burp, and I've felt for many months that nursing all night only makes it worse.  

Last night I just could not take it anymore!  He woke up to nurse around 2:30.  Usually he just nurses for a few minutes, I pop him off, and then he rolls over and drifts off to sleep.  Last night he just wouldn't let go.  He kept coming back and back for the breast, and finally at 3:12 I thought, "I cannot take this anymore!"  I popped him off, zipped up my sweatshirt and told him that nursies went nigh-night.  He was furious and cried for . . . oh, about 45 minutes with DH and me trying to soothe him in bed.  Finally DH took him into the living room and rocked him until he calmed down.  They came back and lay down.  DS was still awake but drifted off about 10 minutes later.  When DS finally fell asleep, I sobbed.  It was so heartbreaking to hear him cry but not offer him the breast as comfort, but I really don't feel like my sanity can take it any longer.  I'm finding myself being so resentful of our whole situation, and DH and I desperately need to be able to have some time together during the evenings!

I have read about the Dr. Jay Gordon method, but I feel like it would be a little confusing for DS.  I mean, he can't tell time, so how would he know that I am nursing him because it's 10:45 as opposed to 11:05?  I think it might be easier just to tell him that as soon as the light comes back (pointing to the windows) we can nurse again.  

Is it a bad idea to take DS elsewhere (like the rocker) to calm him down or should we stay in bed and soothe him there when he wakes?  

Thanks again for posting your story.  It gives me the encouragement I need on this bleary-eyed morning.