A little bit of defiance - Page 2

[Ellen Griswold]

Yes, I offered lots of transition time yesterday and it seemed to be somewhat of a help.  I will say, however, that I feel like the snowpants DO effect me.  It takes mom at least twice as long to get her kids into the car then (and it seems to take mom a long time anyway) and by that point my kids and I are supposed to be sitting down to dinner or doing homework.  She runs in the snow and my kids want to run to the window to watch.  When she puts on the snowpants, she runs outside into my front yard where there is traffic and by pick-up time, 5:30, it is dark at my house.  It's not like I don't offer her chances to go play in the snow - heck, I'd love it because my little girl would love to run around outside with her, but she is never interested.  The food thing is annoying because it sets me up to be the bad guy by telling her no (like I said, mom doesn't want her to have the snack 20 minutes before dinnertime), so I'll try to work around that.

It really helps me to have all of you frame it in the more professional context of me being her daycare provider.  It's just my kids and her two kids at my house so sometimes I just feel like it's an extended playdate.

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Also, remember that grade school kids are much harder to watch than preschoolers and infants.  They need more attention, more work, and it's more expensive since they need more food and more supplies than younger kids.  

I love my toddlers, but I'm not nearly as happy with kids once they get to Kindergarten age.  It's just not my age group.  

[Tigerchild]

The fact that you allow the mom and child to impinge on your eating/homework time is not the fault of snowpants or no snowpants.  Are you focusing on that because you have difficulty drawing firm boundaries with your operating hours?

Caring for children can be tough, because...well, hopefully you are attached to the child, and it can lead to a somewhat family style relationship with the parents.  However, even with family you need to set boundaries.  Most of the things you have mentioned are just symptoms of you frankly not knowing where you want the boundary to be OR nor enforcing it.

Snowpants or not, it is okay to say, "Hey, mom, I really need to start enforcing a time when you guys will be out the door.  I have other committments as well.  At 5:45/6/whatever, ready or not, I really need you guys to be heading to the car."  it's likely that the mom may "test" as well, esp. if she is used to wishy-washy time to get out.  Some people are okay with that, but it sounds like you are not--and are focusing the "blame" on the wrong things (like snowpants!).

It is scary to enforce boundaries and times, but it sounds like you might need to start doing that for your own sanity/irritation's sake and that is *good* and *perfectly reasonable* for you to do.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by Ellen Griswold 

Yes, I offered lots of transition time yesterday and it seemed to be somewhat of a help.  I will say, however, that I feel like the snowpants DO effect me.  It takes mom at least twice as long to get her kids into the car then (and it seems to take mom a long time anyway) and by that point my kids and I are supposed to be sitting down to dinner or doing homework.  She runs in the snow and my kids want to run to the window to watch.  When she puts on the snowpants, she runs outside into my front yard where there is traffic and by pick-up time, 5:30, it is dark at my house.  It's not like I don't offer her chances to go play in the snow - heck, I'd love it because my little girl would love to run around outside with her, but she is never interested.  The food thing is annoying because it sets me up to be the bad guy by telling her no (like I said, mom doesn't want her to have the snack 20 minutes before dinnertime), so I'll try to work around that.

It really helps me to have all of you frame it in the more professional context of me being her daycare provider.  It's just my kids and her two kids at my house so sometimes I just feel like it's an extended playdate.

If she is taking a long time then I think you should have them ready a while before their mom gets there.  Set a timer for ten minutes and see if they can beat the clock then let them play or watch a show while they wait for mom in their coats and shoes.  If the kids are ready to go when she comes there is no reason for her to hang around for a long time.  Your kids not doing their homework or not coming away from the window to eat dinner or complete their work is not this family's fault, there are a lot of distractions in the world that kids love to focus on so they don't have to do something boring like homework.  I think you should address your children not going back to their homework or dinner the same way you would if they decided to watch random strangers playing outside and ignored you when you told them to go back and finish what they needed to finish, or have them do homework earlier in the day and bump dinner back to six. 

I use the phrase "what is the rule?" a lot for things that I know a child knows the rule about but is asking about anyways.  It works very well after a few days of being a broken record.

[CatsCradle]

Originally Posted by Ellen Griswold 

Yes, I offered lots of transition time yesterday and it seemed to be somewhat of a help.  I will say, however, that I feel like the snowpants DO effect me.  It takes mom at least twice as long to get her kids into the car then (and it seems to take mom a long time anyway) and by that point my kids and I are supposed to be sitting down to dinner or doing homework.  She runs in the snow and my kids want to run to the window to watch.  When she puts on the snowpants, she runs outside into my front yard where there is traffic and by pick-up time, 5:30, it is dark at my house.  It's not like I don't offer her chances to go play in the snow - heck, I'd love it because my little girl would love to run around outside with her, but she is never interested.  The food thing is annoying because it sets me up to be the bad guy by telling her no (like I said, mom doesn't want her to have the snack 20 minutes before dinnertime), so I'll try to work around that.

It really helps me to have all of you frame it in the more professional context of me being her daycare provider.  It's just my kids and her two kids at my house so sometimes I just feel like it's an extended playdate.

I agree with others that you need to be clear about cut-off times.  DD was in daycare and is now in a preschool with a 6:00 cut-off.  Anytime after that, I am required to pay "x" dollars for overtime.  I usually pick up DD at 5 pm because of my own schedule, but honestly, it takes us at least 20 minutes to get out of her school.  She says goodbye to everyone, she participates (on her own) in door answering as other parents come in, it just takes us eons to get out of the place!  This transition is important to us in that we have take buses and subways to get home, and sudden changes really affects DD's moods.  The solution on your end is to define strict times.  The parent then must work within that time frame.  I have no problem with it and adjust my schedule accordingly.  I know that sudden changes and forcing DD beyond her pokiness can create disasters on my end of travel.  Good luck!