How does your DH look when he gets home and what is your night routine? - Page 2

[EviesMom]

I don't think I ever posted on the other one:

DH works for himself. He likes to look nice, but it's usually slacks or nice jeans, button up shirt, sweater. Or button up short sleeve shirt in summer. Ties and suit jackets only very rarely when he has a big meeting. In which case he takes them off for jeans as soon as he gets home. He almost always wears a fedora. He's in graphic design, so I tease him that he looks like Don Draper on vacation. (Since I tend to love 50s garb, we look pretty Mad Men when out together. I do not, sadly, look like January Jones though! And our marriage has thankfully never been Draper-drama-esque!) I usually wear sweaters and a-line skirts with leggings; or sweaters and jeans. That's what I'm usually wearing when he gets home. With crazy patterned socks, because I don't wear shoes in the house, and I like silly socks. I wear things that look nice but are machine washable and don't need ironing. I don't usually wear makeup, but I've been trying to do it more often in the mornings for my own joy. 

He is supposed to get home at 6:30, but it's nearly always 7 instead. I try to have dinner ready on the table when he gets here because the kids get wacky if they eat any later but we like to have family dinner. He is usually greeted at the door by kids who are supposed to be washing hands, but are instead letting the sink run and making a mess in the bathroom. He helps them, gets them to the table, we all eat, then we do family clean up for 1/2 hour. We say we will start bedtime routine then, but really, we all sit around for a while, DH playing guitar and me on the computer, and the kids playing, until the kids start squabbling. Then we each take a kid, do pjs, vitamins, teeth and we all go upstairs to put the kids to bed and read to them. While I nurse the youngest, he walks the dog. He usually goes back to working after that. I try to tackle dishes and laundry if they weren't done during family clean up. I find it really hard to get anything done at night though, I just want to sit at the computer too. We watch some TV together usually before we go to sleep. 

[mrspineau]

When DH comes home, he looks great.  He always looks great.  He somedays works later than others, but he pretty much comes home, hugs us all and kisses us, eats supper, plays with kids, and he'll usually do the bedtime thing with them, if he's home on time.  If he comes home after bedtime (which is 6pm) then he will hug and kiss me and the baby, eat supper, and we will cuddle on the couch and watch tv for a bit, then he will go down to our basement gym and workout for an hour or two and usually i'll clean up or just do whatever I feel like doing while he's down there, then he'll come up and we'll have a snack, watch some tv, snuggle some more, mess around.... ;) and then go to bed. 

[AtYourCervices]

Originally Posted by mrspineau 

lol yikes!!!!  yikes at your husband and yikes at you for posting about it!  I bet he'd be some humiliated if he read what you'll write to strangers about him.....

Oh, my husband knew what I wrote about him. I asked him if it was a fair assessment. He asked that I make a few corrections:

1. He most often leaves his briefcase on the floor next to the couch, not in front of the fireplace (though he does leave it there sometimes)

2. He'll sometimes bring two 2 liters to the living room with him.

3. "strategically placed blanket" means he covers from his waist to his ankles, he claims it's not just his groin (if he covers)

4. He's only clogged the toilet 4 times in the past couple weeks, that he recalls (though I have found the toilet clogged more than that, he believes he just missed it or he's placing blame on our kids who don't use the master bath)

This is reality. I'm not going to sugar coat what he does. He seems to think it's normal and he's entitled to act like this. Thanks to this thread I'm able to show to him no other husband behaves the way he does.

Okay, so DH just left with the children so I can do a deep clean throughout the house. It was a compromise we reached as a result of this thread. How it's a compromise, don't ask me (I guess it's related to the fact that he whines and complains when I try to clean when he's here). But I have to get to work now.

[number572]

OT - AtYourCervices, you don't have to put up with anything you don't want to!  Maybe it's not true, but the tone of your posts make it seem like you are accepting his behavior in a way.  Anyway, sorry that this is your reality, sounds pretty uninspiring and unloving.  I hope you find a way to make your life better for yourself.  Normally I wouldn't say these things, but it sounds like you're kind of reaching out to the people reading this thread in search of something better.  You do deserve better than what you describe!

[major_mama11]

DH usually gets home between 4:30 and 5:30 pm (although there's a HUGE variance since he works in a small business- anywhere from noon to 11 pm or later, to staying out of town some nights). If it was a super early day, he sometimes brings in the week's groceries and totally makes my day, since I hate shopping.

Usually he's physically exhausted from doing hard labor part or all of the day, dressed in work sweatshirt and jeans, and long johns/coveralls if he's been working outside that day. Often sweaty and smelly. He leaves his muddy boots and any muddy outdoor gear in the laundry room. If he has been exposed to fiberglass or yucky chemicals that day, he strips his toxic nasty clothing in the laundry room and runs to the shower really quick before DS sees him and wants picked up. If it's been a 'clean' day doing inventory, he'll pick up DS and tickle him for a minute before he showers.

Then he disappears to the shower and we don't see him for an hour. This is kind of his unwinding time- he works 5 minutes from home, so he doesn't have any built-in unwinding time on his commute. The kids and I play in the living room until he comes out in his comfy clothing. He rough-houses with the kids for half an hour or so, while I usually do dishes or laundry now that I have an adult available to distract the kids.

DH usually makes dinner, although I usually have it ready if it was a later night where he worked past 6 or 7 pm. He sometimes does dishes too, if he's energetic that day. I clean house as much as I can while he's feeding DS in his high chair (unless I worked night shift the night before, in which case I just veg in my chair while he cooks). At 7:30-ish, DH takes DS for his bath and gets him in his jammies, while I fold clothes and DD eats supper. Then I take DD and do her bath. The kids are night owls. They play for a couple hours after their baths, and this is when DH and I chat. DH usually puts DS to bed by 11 pm, then goes to his man cave and plays video games for an hour or so. I put DD in bed around that time as well. DH is usually in bed by midnight, and up again before 6 am to play some more video games before leaving for work. I go to bed later, since working night shift 1-2 nights a week really screws up my body clock.

[MrsBone]

DH gets home anywhere from 7:30-9pm most nights. Occasionally it's 6 or 6:30, but that usually means that he's had a bad day at work(he's on commission, but still has to be there from 8-5 or 7-4, depending on when he goes in). If he leaves at 5, he has to sit in 1 1/2- 2 hours of traffic, so he usually waits for traffic to die down before heading home. When he gets home he's in his work clothes, covered from head to toe with car grease(he's a service tech), so he will either go work out in the shop for a bit, or take a shower immediately. He checks the mail, his email, and then at that point, our son has usually already eaten dinner and is ready for bed, only needing his teeth brushed, which DH does(the one job I hate and he doesn't mind) when he's home for it.DH eats dinner without us, because we just can't plan on when he's going to be home. On the nights DH gets home at a decent time, we eat together and DH will get DS ready for bed while I clean up the kitchen and pack his lunch. I have tried so hard to get DS to go to bed by 8, so DH and I have at least 30 min to an hour alone but it just didn't work, so he's usually up until 9:30 or 10 with us. Needless to say, DH and I don't get much alone time. DH has to get up by 6 for work, so he goes to bed at the same time as DS, and I usually do too. It's frustrating, but it's life! We try and do alot together on the weekends, but we usually don't have very much "alone time" without our son, and I don't see that changing since we're due with #2 in May. Needless to say, we don't have a "typical routine" until the weekend when I have to be at band practice on Sat morning, and church Sun morning. That's one of the only constants we have! :)

[mrspineau]

Originally Posted by AtYourCervices 

Originally Posted by mrspineau 

lol yikes!!!!  yikes at your husband and yikes at you for posting about it!  I bet he'd be some humiliated if he read what you'll write to strangers about him.....

Oh, my husband knew what I wrote about him. I asked him if it was a fair assessment. He asked that I make a few corrections:

1. He most often leaves his briefcase on the floor next to the couch, not in front of the fireplace (though he does leave it there sometimes)

2. He'll sometimes bring two 2 liters to the living room with him.

3. "strategically placed blanket" means he covers from his waist to his ankles, he claims it's not just his groin (if he covers)

4. He's only clogged the toilet 4 times in the past couple weeks, that he recalls (though I have found the toilet clogged more than that, he believes he just missed it or he's placing blame on our kids who don't use the master bath)

This is reality. I'm not going to sugar coat what he does. He seems to think it's normal and he's entitled to act like this. Thanks to this thread I'm able to show to him no other husband behaves the way he does.

Okay, so DH just left with the children so I can do a deep clean throughout the house. It was a compromise we reached as a result of this thread. How it's a compromise, don't ask me (I guess it's related to the fact that he whines and complains when I try to clean when he's here). But I have to get to work now.

lol.  I'm sorry to laugh if it offends you but this strikes me as a little funny!  at least he's aware of it, although the fact that he thinks it's normal isn't so nice.  Are you ok with this, really?  Why do you put up with that? I'm sorry to sort of change the topic here, and certainly I don't expect you to answer or have a conversation about it if you don't want to.  But, the tone of your posts give me the impression that you aren't all that pleased about it, and maybe need to talk about it. 

[darjeelingmomma]

Originally Posted by mrspineau

lol.  I'm sorry to laugh if it offends you but this strikes me as a little funny!  at least he's aware of it, although the fact that he thinks it's normal isn't so nice.  Are you ok with this, really?  Why do you put up with that? I'm sorry to sort of change the topic here, and certainly I don't expect you to answer or have a conversation about it if you don't want to.  But, the tone of your posts give me the impression that you aren't all that pleased about it, and maybe need to talk about it. 

Yep, I gotta chime in here and I'm sorry if it derails the original topic - that is not my intention. I have tons of faults, but patience has always been my strong point and I would have lost all patience with this! DH just read this thread and after he stopped cracking up (sorry) he said "that guy needs to get a grip". Harsh I know. I'm not sure what I would do in this situation. He would certainly be in charge of all bathroom cleaning (and de-clogging duties) or he'd be taking on a part time job to pay for the porta-potty kept in the backyard especially for him. I'm not kidding.

 

If you need to vent about it. I'll be happy to listen

[AtYourCervices]

DH just got home, after giving me about 3 hours alone to clean the house. It was the first time I've been alone in this house (first time he took the girls out without me). He lost one of the kids while he was out. Security ended up tracking him down. 

He's still blaming the kid for getting lost and not taking responsibility. He's already naked on the couch, NOT covered in a blanket, playing with a naruto puzzle cube with DD. Okay, DD's gone now, and he's just playing with the cube by himself. The ottoman, cleared off before he got here, is now covered in stuff they got from the store. The floor next to the ottoman now has a pile of his clothes and a new toy DD bought. 

Oh, and when he got in the door, he asked me, "Is that all you got done in three hours?" when he saw I very thoroughly cleaned just the livingroom, playroom & bathroom, and partial cleaned the kitchen & laundry room. Sorry there's still clothes drying in the dryer, and I didn't walk down to the dump with the bags of garbage. Excuse me for taking 2 breaks, once while I ate lunch and the other time while I was letting the bathtub cleaner soak in. Oh, and I'm currently suffering from a UTI, so I did this all while in pain, with a fever, and stopping to pee every 20 minutes. Yeah, and DH forgot to pick up the medicine for the UTI. 

Oh, gah. He's already trying to mark his territory with his scent. 

I'm calling around for therapists this week.

[darjeelingmomma]

I am so aggravated for you. This situation seems so out there. Therapy sounds like a good idea, I hope he will participate. Losing the little one then blaming him? I just have no words except, he's lucky he didn't marry me. You are a strong woman momma.
 

Originally Posted by AtYourCervices 

DH just got home, after giving me about 3 hours alone to clean the house. It was the first time I've been alone in this house (first time he took the girls out without me). He lost one of the kids while he was out. Security ended up tracking him down. 

He's still blaming the kid for getting lost and not taking responsibility. He's already naked on the couch, NOT covered in a blanket, playing with a naruto puzzle cube with DD. Okay, DD's gone now, and he's just playing with the cube by himself. The ottoman, cleared off before he got here, is now covered in stuff they got from the store. The floor next to the ottoman now has a pile of his clothes and a new toy DD bought. 

Oh, and when he got in the door, he asked me, "Is that all you got done in three hours?" when he saw I very thoroughly cleaned just the livingroom, playroom & bathroom, and partial cleaned the kitchen & laundry room. Sorry there's still clothes drying in the dryer, and I didn't walk down to the dump with the bags of garbage. Excuse me for taking 2 breaks, once while I ate lunch and the other time while I was letting the bathtub cleaner soak in. Oh, and I'm currently suffering from a UTI, so I did this all while in pain, with a fever, and stopping to pee every 20 minutes. Yeah, and DH forgot to pick up the medicine for the UTI. 

Oh, gah. He's already trying to mark his territory with his scent. 

I'm calling around for therapists this week.

[Katie T]

My DH looks tired and is dirty. He has to leave for work at 4:30 am to be to work at 5:00am and works till 3:30 or 4:00pm. Some nights he does dinner some nights I do just depends on our moods. Usually it works out that nights I don't feel like cooking he has something he wants to try (he loves to cook when in the mood for it and is great at whipping up a  great meal when we have "no food" lol) He walks in, puts his coffee cup on the counter by the coffee pot and goes down to the basement to throw a load of wood in then will shower or play with kids. He or I help DD1 with her homework (depending on what subject she has that night, we each have our strengths lol) We plate up kids food together and do family dinner where we talk about our days and plans for the week. Then we clear the table and he goes and plays with kids, watches tv or falls asleep in his chair while I clean up dinner mess and do baths. I do bedtime since DD2 nurses and DS has to rub my hair to fall asleep.  I usually let him sleep till I am ready for bed and then wake him to go to bed because he has to have his alarm and his phone alarm and feels crappy if he sleep in his chair all night.Through out or night one us of remembers to load the stove lol. I have recleaned the whole house before he gets home so we can have a relaxing night. I am a neat freak and he listens to loud machines all day (works in a factory) so I know he doesn't want to listen to the vacuum.

I work every other Sunday and when I come home he has cleaned the house and has dinner going. It works great. I love coming home and having "nothing" to do beside care for the kids.

[SoCaliMommy]

 He looks tired. We just moved into a bigger house and big yard. He works 6 or 7am til 3:30 sometimes later. Since the move he now tried to get up at 3:30 to get ready and get out the door for the long commute to work. The days he does come home it varies, last night he left right after work and got home around 6pm.. traffic and being a hour away.  Before we moved when he would come home he'd be home by 4pm every night unless working late. On Friday's everyone is heading to Vegas, so he waits til traffic dies down more and is home by 8-9pm and of course is always home on the weekend unless he gets called into work.

Edited by SoCaliMommy - 2/17/11 at 4:00pm

[plantnerd]

He looks a combo of tired and happy.  Tired of the day- happy to be home with us!  He changes into his play clothes and hangs out with ds while I work on dinner.  We tend to chit chat during that time.  We have dinner as a family, then I take D upstairs for his bath while dh washes the dishes.  Then we meet up for story with D and night night cuddles.  I lay down to nurse D and he gets on the computer, when I've got the boy down we spend about 2 hours of time separate just doing what we each want to do, then meet up for a movie or tv or just hanging out and listening to music and talking before bed.

[Honey693]

I'm so jealous of everyone who's DH gets home at the same time every night.  I love that DH's job is flexible enough that he can work whenever, but I hate not knowing when he'll be home.  Sometimes it's 3pm, other times it's 8pm. 

DH walks in, gets attacked by DD1, spends a few minutes rough housing with her, puts away his thermos, coffee mug, hat and coat, then gets a pop or beer, puts on pj pants and either helps with dinner if I'm cooking or goes into the living room if I'm not.  He'll play with DD1 for awhile, then we eat (if I cooked) and he watches both kids while I clean up.  Then depending on hen he went to work he'll either go to bed, go on the internet for awhile or hang with us.

[SubliminalDarkness]

He usually gets home a little bit before 5:30. He comes in tired, pissed off, hungry, and wishing he could just be left alone. 

I try to have dinner done around 6. We eat together. I try and clean up right away. I yell at DS1 to do his homework, yell at DS2 to stop bugging DS1. then wrangle kids into pajamas and bed. 

The rest varies. Sometimes I get online, sometimes we watch a movie, sometimes DH and I hang out and have a drink or two, it varies. 

[Adaline'sMama]

On the days that DH works he gets home after a one hour commute. We usually talk on the phone on the way home, so it we dont have to recap too much after he walks in the door. He gets home about two hours after dark, so it varies depending on the season. Right now that means hes home by about 8, in July it'll be almost 11. He usually has dinner while I clean up a little and then he has a shower and either has a beer and we watch a movie or we go to bed. I get a peck on the lips and a big hug :)

[goinggreengirl]

DH just changed jobs (and we just moved) so he gets off way earlier than he used to. He leaves really early but is off by 2:30 most days. So, he comes home, takes off his shoes, coat, etc (and doesn't put them where they are supposed to be, oh well). DS usually freaks out when he hears Daddy and he starts crawling towards the door right away. DH will play with DS while I shower/ read/ craft/ clean/ whatever- it's my break time from baby. We'll run errands if we need to and then come home for dinner. We sit at the table and talk. Then, we'll hang out in the living room and watch a movie. He'll get on the computer and mess around- taking breaks to play with/ keep DS out of trouble.

DH does bath time so I usually clean up the kitchen or craft while they are playing in the tub. At bedtime, I nurse DS, if he falls asleep, I take him into bed and DH and I will text for about half an hour while DH spends some uninterrupted time on the computer. More often, DS won't go to sleep, so DH will take him and rock him until he's out. Then, I get in bed with DS and we still text a little before DH comes to bed. If DS will unlatch, DH and I usually spend some time cuddling and talking before falling asleep.

[The Imp and I]

DH gets home between 3 and 4 when he works days and grabs ds and kisses me . He usually is starving and grabs a snack with our toddler. they have some dad/son time and I get on with all the things that can be hard to do with someone clinging to your calf. Like make dinner. We eat after DS goes to bed so I feed him while DH does whatever and then he runs the bath. Bath time is DH time and i can usually count on 30 mins there. that winds up at 630 most nights. We then unwind some and cuddle/read/nurse and catch up with some chit chat till the 7/730 when DS goes to bed with daddy and has a few more cuddles sometimes i go too. I put the finishing touches on dinner and we eat and chat then watch TV a bit or whatever..... I go to bed at 10 most nights... DH sneaks in whatever space we leave him when he gets tired. Our sex life is sporadic mostly because while i still have the urge i would rather actually WATCH something/READ something/TAKE a long soak than have sex. We do fit in a couple of times a week but with the move our guest bedroom is filled with boxes so we're on the floor or couch. maybe when we move.

[limabean]

DH gets home around 4:30 and immediately gets down on the floor and starts playing with the kids. I mean immediately, like before he even uses the bathroom or takes his shoes off. He'll play with them for 20 minutes or so and then he'll go upstairs for 5-10 minutes and use the bathroom/change clothes, then he comes back down and forages for snacks while he plays with the kids some more. I should really start putting out a little "after-school" snack for him -- he's starving when he gets home! We eat early, around 5:30, and I always tease him because he'll munch on crackers or something while I'm plating his dinner. I'll say, "....uh, maybe you could put the Cheez-Its down and take your dinner plate instead?" 

After dinner I go upstairs to work (I'm a WAH editor/market analyst) and DH does the evening routine with the kids: homework, baths, pajamas, bedtime snack and show, books, and bed. I usually come back downstairs around 9:00 and DH and I will watch a DVRed show or play cards for about an hour before DH goes to bed. I usually stay up a bit later, until 11 or 12, because I need lots of alone time.