is it a choice to die of cancer? or of a brain tumor? or a heart attack? on some level, when you abuse your health and heart by lack of a good diet and exercise, then it is a choice to die by heart attack, right? so, i guess that is same thing.
its not a choice. nobody truly wants to die. they just want the pain to stop. they feel (for lots of different reasons) that there is no other way to end the pain/anxiety/suffering. their world becomes a tunnel vision and the only answer is suicide. they can no longer maintain that level of pain/anxiety. it is NOT. EVER. A. choice.
there is an excellent book called dying to be free. it does a very good job explaining how someone feels when they are suicidal.
it is one thing to say, it is no one's FAULT but the one who died. yes, that is true. but that is not the same as saying it is a choice. no one in their right mind chooses to die. but that is the point - they are NOT in their right mind.
Psychiatrists and psychologists die by suicide. My cousin is a neurologist. a friend of his was a psychiatrist/nuerologist. she had also suffered from manic depression for a long time. one night, she got up from the couch, told her husband that she was getting a drink, and went into the garage and hung herself. now, of all people, she should have known how to save herself, wouldn't you think? that is how ill she was. she couldn't reach out for help.
it is never a choice. and there is a lot one can do to prevent it. to just simply throw up your hands and say, well? what can i do to stop it? if they want to kill themselves, i guess they will! is just ridiculous. is that how you will deal with sexual behavior? if they want to have sex what can i do? if kids want to go and drink when they are 12? what can i do? if they are playing at a friend's house and they find a gun? what can i do??? i guess that is the best answer about teaching someone how to protect themselves, right?
not every person who dies by suicide can be saved, but i'd say most of them can. we need to teach children at a young age what it is and how to protect themselves. if there is a family history of mental illness then the parents need to know what to look out for and how to reach out to their kids.
and mamaof5boys - if you lost your husband to suicide than you should really check out prevention information for your sons. the risk of suicide for them increases dramatically once your husband killed himself.
Originally Posted by mamaof5boys
I don't have a lot of time to write, but just wanted to say hugs to you all!! OP I just wanted to share that I completely hear you when you share your concerns about your DH and DS. It could eat me alive if I lived in constant fear about it, but the reality of it is mental illness or not, it was a choice. I completely get that my DH was not in a mental state to change the decision he made, but there was absolutely nothing I could've done to change it. Likewise with my children, I am here to do absolutely everything I can to help them, but ultimately it's their choice. I can't live each day in constant fear and worry. Does that make any sense?
Also- I completely agree with PPs about gift cards, cards, donations, etc. Looking back one of the best things ever was a friend who emailed me a short note every day for the first several weeks to let me know she was thinking of us. Here I am 18 months later, somedays feeling like I'm struggling more now than back then. I have been fortunate enough to have amazing support, but the hardest thing ever is to ask for help. What's meant so much is to have the help even now. The surprise card, money, grocery gift cards, etc....
Thanks for being such a gentle spirit, and showing such amazing concern for your friend!!