Suicide w/ no warning -- what do you say/do? How do you make sense of it? - Page 2

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by momtoS 

My brother took his life last week. So shocking to all of us. Never had any clues that he was in pain or thinking about suicide. Never.  I can't imagine him doing this and hurting us (especially my parents) like this.  It is so hard to understand.

I don't know your brother, but I do know depression (at least my depression - it does seem to manifest a little differently from one person to another). When I'm suicidal, it would never even cross my mind that my death would hurt anybody, because it would never cross my mind that I matter enough to anyone for that. I pulled myself away from it when ds1 was about six, by reminding myself that if he were the one who found my body, that experience would scar him for life...but I still didn't really believe it would hurt him. I thought he'd be better off without me (and  my ex was barely employed and refusing work for no reason, doing nothing around the house, barely interacting with ds1, and sliding down a path of crack addiction that eventually ended up with him on the streets, then in jail). I truly believed that the best thing I could do for my son was remove myself from his life. Depression is really, really, really ugly.

[cisonit]

Sad to hear of all the suicides that have taken place but the only way to make any sense of it is to not try to. I work as a Mental Health Therapist and before I graduated, I worked as a Psych Tech and sadly, a lot of men don't show obvious signs and tend to be more lethal in the method of how they commit suicide. Not sure who is to blame, society, the family, the person or all 3 but at a certain point it may help to reach out to some organization that does address this issue...maybe even volunteer some time to prevent someone from doing the same thing. It's a little more acceptable in a lot of societies/cultures for a women to express her emotions and reach out for help than a MAN(smh). Not to say suicide with no signs do not happen with woman but it is not as common.

I will keep the families/friends that have shared loss in my prayers!!!

[Julie Williams]

To Raelize....loved this about your post:

my plan is to make suicide and depression one of those things like safe sex, driving, drugs and alcohol, and guns in houses that is discussed A LOT growing up and figuring out ways together to deal with these dangerous situations.  we were talking yesterday about when people feel so terrible they want to end their life.  i related it to her celiac and how we had to search for the right doctor and it took us a while but kept at it till we found the right doc.  that depression is the same thing.  you need to keep trying different approaches and doctors until you find a scenario that works.  

I lost a nephew to suicide in October 2010 and this plan to make suicide prevention as everyday as safe sex, drugs, etc. is exactly what I have been asking everyone I meet to do.  We have fire drills and physical screenings in schools but we do nothing for mental health.    I have named it the "sad drill."  So it's not whether or not you are sad at some point, but WHEN you are sad that I address.  Who will you talk to?  It probably won't be a parent.....what trusted adult does your child have in her/his life?  Name that adult, make sure your child knows who she/he will talk to...

We all have great sadness or questioning of purpose in our lives at some point, some to a far more severe degree.  But parenting magazines seldom address preparing for the worst.  We all buy blankets, diapers, educational toys, videos, music, etc in an attempt to make our children happy and healthy.  But not once during my pregnancy or early infant and toddler years did I ever consider preparing for if they are NOT happy.

Now I talk about Will all the time. I tell my friends and anyone I meet that they are free to "use" my nephew's death as a way to say, "Honey, I me a woman whose nephew died by suicide.  I can't let that happen to you.  If you ever feel so sad that it hurts too much, who do you think you could talk to?  me?  a neighbor? an aunt/uncle? a teacher?"  And then I'd call that trusted adult to let them know that they are "on call!"  

You can all visit www.mentalhealthscreening.org to see their SOS program for schools and start using their A.C.T. motto if someone even hints at being depressed:  Acknowledge that their is a problem, tell them you Care and don't want them to hurt themselves, then Tell a trusted adult.