post #21 of 21


Originally Posted by lach View Post

I know it seems mean, but as someone who was once in your DD's position, I beg you to have a little talk with her.  My parents really thought that they were doing right by not emphasizing appearance, letting us march to our own drummer, and so on and so forth... but really, my sister and I were just clueless.  Maybe some kids do figure out on their own that they have to shower more than once a week and wear deodorant.  All I knew was that other kids made fun of me a lot.  I did finally figure out the "shower daily" thing in high school, but it really wasn't until COLLEGE when I was living with lots of other women and could see their routines that I figured out a lot of this stuff.


I think you just need to sit down with her and tell her "Look.  You're growing up.  This is how most people expect grownups to take care of themselves.  You need to shower daily.  I'll show you how to shave, if you'd like.  You need to brush your hair.  A little bit of product might make it more manageable, and I can show you how to find the right one, or we can go to a salon and talk to someone.  You need to wash your face every night.  You need to put on deodorant every day, and maybe reapply it in the afternoon."


I know that I'll probably be criticized for this, but I really, really wish my parents had done this for me.  If she decides later on that she wants to go a different route, that's fine.  But she deserves to have the tools to fit in, even if she doesn't want to use them.  I really understand why you don't want to emphasize this sort of thing, but speaking from personal experience it won't do her any favors in the long run.


(Also, some lessons in how to pick out flattering clothing might have done me some good, too.)


ITA. My dd would be absolutely clueless if I hadn't been pretty blunt about the hot mess she was becoming by not keeping up with hygiene. She hates taking showers, but I insist on every other day, otherwise she is a greasy mess.