So conflicted about where to birth. - Page 2

[Beauchamp]

Originally Posted by tracymom1 

I interviewed another HB MW. She seemed very nice. The only thing that bugged me later was that she didn't say very much at all. Granted, in her defense, I did most of the talking. (Dh commented later on how much I was talking...how helpful and supportive, right? But he also mentioned that she didn't really expand on very much at all.)



I would just like to say that some midwives tend to hold back a little at the first visit - they let you do the talking so they can figure out who you are and what you are all about. At least, this is what a couple of DEM friends of mine have said.

... I personally would say to try to birth at home, but only if you put some real time and effort into healing your past and being open-hearted. Life is so very imperfect... .

Well, the HB MW I interviewed sent me a fairly long email about what she feels went wrong with my first birth. I feel much better now that she wrote me a bit and said a bit more. My DH still says the vibe is not ideal, though, making him uncomfortable about HB at this point.

So, I wrote out some random thoughts. I feel like I need to figure out what is important to me for this birth. I have a huge list, but I am going to narrow it down to: drug free, in my home environment/comfy, knowledgeable support, easy care for DD, safe in case of true emergency, little to no other interventions. Some other things are more minor: potential for water birth, potential for labor in water, postpartum experience, and travel considerations. Of course, none of my three options are perfect!

Vanderbilt hospital with CNM team.
drug free-- certainly possible.
in my home environment/comfy-- no. But maybe a tour would make me feel better. If the hospital is nicer than the horrid downtown hospital where I delivered DD-- seems hard to believe it could be worse.
knowledgeable support-- yes. If I bring my own doula who I know and who will stay with me.
easy care for DD-- yes or no. Yes if we can feel good about a hotel setup just in case I go into labor at a weird time. Or decide something about leaving DD home with Grammy if I go into labor in the middle of the night, etc, and DH would have to be okay about going back for them, or something, once the baby is born. Obviously, I am with the doula.
safe in case of true emergency-- hands down yes.
little to no other interventions-- possibly. I would feel better grilling them with some more specific questions at our next appt.

the minor stuff
potential for water birth-- No.
potential for labor in water-- yes, if tub is available, first come, first served
postpartum experience-- not as good as home, but hopefully okay. Need to bring a birth plan/postpartum care plan.
travel considerations-- some, with Grammy & DD, and driving home, obviously. Driving in labor...hmm.


Home.
drug free-- yes
in my home environment/comfy-- Yes. Crawl into our own bed. Food in our own fridge. Nice.
knowledgeable support-- Need a doula. Only one HB MW available, and the "click" was not 100%. Not sure how important this is.
easy care for DD-- Grammy down the hall. Yes. DH can check on her whenever and be back to me quickly.
safe in case of true emergency-- Local hospital minutes away. Not a good rep for NCB at all, but probably okay for something life threatening.
little to no other interventions-- Yes. We call all the shots at home.
the minor stuff
potential for water birth-- Yes.
potential for labor in water-- yes.
postpartum experience-- easiest in our own home.
travel considerations-- none. unless transferring for emergency.

The Farm.
drug free-- yes.
in my home environment/comfy-- No. Cabin is private, yes, and not a hospital. But rustic (is birth when I really want to be camping?) and cramped, not as comfy as home, or possibly a well equipped hospital.
knowledgeable support-- 1,000+ births...hello!
easy care for DD-- sort of. Grammy and DH on site. So small though. Weather? Darkness? No other room.
safe in case of true emergency-- The transfer hospital down there is much farther from the Farm than the local hospital is from our house. Farm MWs have back up there, though.
little to no other interventions-- Yes. We call all the shots at the Farm.
the minor stuff
potential for water birth-- Yes, in a small standard tub or we bring an inflatable.
potential for labor in water-- yes.
postpartum experience-- camping? too rustic? Would I be dying to get home but not want to drive 2 1/2 hours while bleeding, breastfeeding, in pain from birth, etc?
travel considerations-- Long drive to get me and DD there ahead of time. Grammy flying/driving in. DH leaving work to drive 2 1/2 hours down. Long drive home postpartum.


Thoughts? Does one option stand out?

[tracymom1]

Home still stands out to me as your best option.  Maybe you can give the midwife a call and tell her exactly what you told us - that you are feeling a little wonky about your first meeting.  I would think she might be willing to have another consultation to discuss your past experience in more detail.  Maybe that would give you a better idea of how you feel about her.  And, just to mention, not everyone has the warm fuzzies about their midwife.  The very most important thing to keep in mind when deciding is your confidence factor - how confident are you in YOURSELF and how confident are you in your midwife's ability to handle your birth on your terms?  Will she respect your wishes?  Oh - maybe you could ask her for the names of a couple of women that she has birthed with in the past for references.  My last midwife did this for me and it helped soooooo much to talk to a few other mamas about their experiences with her.

It is a hard decision, but one that does have an answer.  I struggled as well with my choices for birthing this time around, too.  Deciding I was ready for a UC was a very strange thing for me because I never knew it was what I wanted until - literally - I woke up one day and said, 'I can do this on my own.  I am going to do this on my own'.  You will find your path, mama!  I promise!