do doulas wash dishes?

[averlee]

My daughter was born at home nearly 4 years ago, and it was great. We are trying for a second child now and I plan to home birth again.

During my daughter's birth, it really bothered me when my husband had to attend to things around the house. The toilet seat and bathroom floor had to be cleaned several times, some minor furniture rearrangement, making up the bed, making & bringing me food, etc. Also there was a pile of dishes in the sink that the midwives had to work around.

I know postpartum doulas do housework, but what about labor/delivery doulas? I need someone to do food prep, entertain my child, dishes, wipe up the toilet seat & bathroom floor, change sheets, start laundry, fetching things from different parts of the house, during the birth. I don't need someone to hold my hand or rub my back- what I need is actual practical support.

Is a doula the right kind of person to hire? I can't think of a friend or relative who could do it, and I'm not sure most housekeepers or babysitters would be cool during a home birth. It can't be someone who's squeamish, uncomfortable with my noises or nudity, or panic-prone.

I also just can't imagine making up a job listing with the above qualifications! Any ideas?

[patricegonzales]

I would do it. I am still 1 birth away from my certification as a doula, but I would be fine with these requests.

Changing the sheets b/c your water broke on the bed or you just want fresh sheets for the baby, washing the dishes from the meal that was prepared, wiping down the bathroom after labor induced nausea, sure. I think these are fine requests. Just be up front with the doulas that you interview and I think they would be fine with it. Plus, you never know if you will need someone to "rub your back" and hubby is in the bathroom. For this reason, I think its extremely important to have someone comfortable with labor, birth, and especially homebirth.

Take care!

[noahs.mom06]

I think a lot of doulas would. I know I would, even just to have the experience of being at a homebirth (it seems like women in my area don't typically hire doulas for homebirths).

[weliveintheforest]

  I, and most of my friends who are doulas, would be happy to do what you are looking for.  I think that should be our role, kind of like a birth-maid.  But it depends on the doula. I have read lots of posts online from doulas who don't think they should be doing cleaning.  Just be up front when interviewing and you will find someone who can meet your needs!

[Banana731]

I would and have done this type of thing, especially in a homebirth. I actually even have in my contract for hbs that I will prepare a meal for you after the birth, if you wish.

[singin_angel]

I would definatetly do this. I think it is part of the role. Anything that would make mom feel comfortable, even if that is getting some dishes done or making sure her partner is free to be with her, etc...that is part of holding the space for birth.

[averlee]

Thank you so much for your replies!

Hooray for doulas! Hopefully I'll be ready to need one pretty soon.

[imogenlily]

As a doula, I would be happy to do this, but I would want the client to be very up front about their expectations at our initial meeting so there would be no misunderstandings.

[starrlamia]

I guess I'll be the odd one out. I wouldnt mind doing some cleaning in regards to birthing but I would not want to be doing dishes or cooking. IMO as a doula, I would be there for the family for labour coaching or things surrounding a birth but I dont double as a maid.

I guess it is important to interview potential doulas and see if they are willing to do these things.

[averlee]

Starlammia, Thank you for your honest reply. I guess part of my question would be, if not a doula, then who? During a homebirth, who can a mother hire to keep her house functioning at the minimum needed to allow the birth to progress comfortably?  

Is there another type of birth professional or care giver I should be looking for? 

[Graceie]

I doula might be your best bet just because its hard to hire an on call " housekeeper " BUT I would be very clear in advance that is what you are looking for and that you are not undervaluing a doula for labor support  just that it is not your need . personally has a doula where i specialize is labor support and i wouldn't normally see cleaning during labor has part of it but I would totally do that for a mom/client if that was her need .

just be clear I'm sure you can find someone to help

[Aliy]

I would be willing to help out around the house. But i would also need to be informed that this is what is being expected of me. being there for support is one thing being there as the maid/nanny is another.

it can be really hard when you don't have anyone who you could call on for these tasks . But I would be very upfront and let a doula know what you are looking for to prevent issues

[elus0814]

I'm not a doula and I've never had a doula through all my births. I did have a homebirth with our fourth child. The midwife - a CNM - not only cooked me a meal after the birth, allowing DH to have quiet time alone with the baby, but she and the assistants did dishes too. They washed, dried, and folded a couple loads of laundry. They cleaned the bathroom since it was messy with blood and fluid. They made the bed up with my extra waterproof layer twice, warmed towels in the dryer, changed the bed while I took a shower, got out clean nightshirts, fixed beverages, and other 'housekeeping' things. 

If I were hiring a doula I would be sure to make my expectations clear and give them upfront. I see a doula as a helper to the mom around the time of the birth. Helping the mom might mean suggestions for more productive labor positions but it also might mean washing dishes. 

I think I should add that my homebirth labor was fairly quick. The baby was born 4 1/2 hours from when the midwife arrived. They, the midwife, student midwife, and assistant, were here a grand total of 9 hours. DH had a very important work event that he took the kids to while I was in labor, I told him it was fine and I really needed the quiet time without the kids at home and before the midwife arrived to regroup and mentally prepare, so he wasn't there until the last 1 1/2 - 2 hours so he wasn't available to wash dishes anyway. We keep our house very clean so there are seldom things to work around, that may have helped.

Overall, I felt the birth team did a bit too much. I felt my private space was a bit invaded. I'm not comfortable with people other than immediate family poking around my kitchen or dresser drawers. That said I REALLY appreciated not having to clean blood off the bathroom floor or toilet and it was wonderful to have private bonding time with DH and the new baby so it was worth it.

[Katielady]

I have done stuff like this at both home births I was lucky enough to attend. My feeling about it is that I'm there to support the woman and her family in whatever way they need, and if that means doing dishes, easy enough! I might feel weird if that was the *only* kind of support you wanted, though, and I'm honestly not sure I'd sign up for the birth if you were explicit about only wanting this kind of support. But as long as you are up front about it, I imagine you could find someone. It could be great for a very new doula actually- very low-pressure for her, she can just kind of observe without needing to do a lot of actual labor support, and learn that way.

[imogenlily]

Averlee, would you consider hiring a new doula working towards her certification, and paying her a small amount?A new doula may attend for free while she attends the three births needed for certification, after her DONA training. Many new doulas have a hard time finding births to attend before they are fully certified, and some would probably be happy to do some housekeeping in exchange for a smaller than usual fee and the privilege of attending your birth, even if she was providing housekeeping more than labour support.

[sweeetpea]

As a doula, I would generally clean the toilet/bathroom area after the mama has used it, wipe up the floor if mama has dripped on it, etc.  I would not assume doing the dishes is in my role as labor support, but if the mama specifically requested that, I would not be averse to it.  I agree that it is best to define this type of thing in advance during prenatal discussions.  Also, home births have a different set of expectations than hospital, so I am definitely more in the "housework" zone (dishes, laundry, preparing a meal, reading or playing with older child, even walking the dog!) for a homebirth.

[gemasita]

I am another one who would prefer not to be used as a housekeeper during the birth.  I wouldn't mind cleaning up birth-related messes but you said in your original post that you don't need hand-holding during the birth, just practical help around the house.  I think it would be better to hire a friend in that case because by definition, a doula supports the mother in labor.  She is not a housekeeper or babysitter.  As one of the PP said, if you make this clear during an interview and the doula is ok with that, that's one thing.  But if I were not told that that those were the expectations and then someone were upset with me because I didn't entertain their other children or clean the kitchen during the birth and instead, tried to tend to them, I would be offended.

I also agree that newer doulas might appreciate an opportunity to see a homebirth and would probably be more willing to do the things you are asking.  I think more experienced doulas (and no offense to any new doulas because I would have been willing to do what this mom is asking when I was starting out) are not looking to attend a homebirth just to see a homebirth.  They want to use their expertise in birth when they are at a birth and spending time away from their families to babysit or clean someone else's house in the middle of the night is not going to be as high on their list of priorities.

[amaayeh]

I understand both points of view from the doula's perspectives.  I have a question, though.  What do you do if you live somewhere you don't have any friends (just moved and there is no one here I know but acquaintances I've made) and if your family flew in, they would be nothing but a detriment to the birth?  Who can you hire to help with the kids, etc.?  It's going to have to be someone who is comfortable with birth, especially homebirth, and who can also be called in the middle of the night if need be.  I really can't think of anyone else prepared for this type of situation *other than* a doula, midwife assistant or someone like that. 

[Katielady]

I totally get this. I really think a new doula is your best bet. You can contact DONA by phone and they can give you a list of local doulas who have been trained but not yet certified- these doulas are not listed on their web site but can be accessed this way by phone. Good luck! I think you will find someone. What you're asking is not terrible, it's just very specific and not what every doula will want to do. But I would have been all over this as an uncertified doula. :D
 

Originally Posted by amaayeh 

I understand both points of view from the doula's perspectives.  I have a question, though.  What do you do if you live somewhere you don't have any friends (just moved and there is no one here I know but acquaintances I've made) and if your family flew in, they would be nothing but a detriment to the birth?  Who can you hire to help with the kids, etc.?  It's going to have to be someone who is comfortable with birth, especially homebirth, and who can also be called in the middle of the night if need be.  I really can't think of anyone else prepared for this type of situation *other than* a doula, midwife assistant or someone like that. 

[Banana731]

FWIW- I am a certified doula with DONA, and I am not new. I would still be willing to fill this role for you if it's what you needed to birth peacefully. Just like any other client, I would want to know what your expectations are, and I would charge my regular fee. It wouldn't bother me that I am not "using my skillset." I became a doula because I wanted to help women have empowered satisfying birth experiences. I don't mind if the way I helped you achive that is by walking your dog so you aren't stressed out about it needing to be done, or stressed out because you had to rely on family member to do so who isn't comfortable with your birthing choices. It seems like many here agree, so yeah, if you can get someone just starting out or in training to do so for a lesser price than that's great, but don't be afraid to contact more experienced doulas if you find you don't have the option of the former.