do doulas wash dishes? - Page 2

[weliveintheforest]

totally agree with you Banana!

I think keeping the household functioning is supporting the labouring woman.  Most homebirthing women will have a partner with them doing the hand holding and back rubbing... in the meantime, what else are we supposed to do?  We usually have lots of time, and it's not hard to just see what needs to be done so the birth and recovery can go smoothly.  One on one support of the mother is a priority but if that's not what she needs, we can help in so many other ways.  

It's not usually realistic to hire non-doulas to come to your birth even if it's just childcare and tidying up you need... most people who are not experienced would be uncomfortable or worried and that would be detrimental.  If you have a friend or relative who can fill that role, great, but lots of us do not and I think a doula would be the right person to hire.

[amaayeh]

Thank you for the responses!  I really can not even describe to you how much better I feel now.  This has been weighing heavily on me as I think about the birth and trying to make it all happen.  My family is not at all comfortable with my birthing choices and the only friend that I *might* have here lives 2000 miles away and will have a three month old at the time.  So, generally not many good choices.  I will ask my midwife at the next appointment if she knows of any training doulas that might want to be here for whatever I need.  Honestly?  Dh isn't the best during labor.  In fact, both times he busies himself with computer/camera/video and isn't really there for me.  I might really need a doula for ME while he watches the kids, but at the same time, if he was wanting to be 'present', then we would have an option, too.  I guess no one really knows how the birth will exactly go, but I do like to plan for a few scenarios.  Thanks so much for you help!

[averlee]

Thanks everyone so much for the replies!

I shouldn't have said that I don't need someone to rub my back or hold my hand. Of course, when the time comes, I may need any number of things. I just meant that during my previous birth, the midwives and my husband provided constant, total, awesome support.

I totally understand that some doulas might not find this to be the kind of job they'd want to take. I also understand that I'd better be very up-front about what I might want, need, or expect. I think I'll probably ask about this before even scheduling an interview.

The main thing is, I think my labor, delivery, recovery, and early days of motherhood would have been easier and happier if someone had been there to help in some really practical ways. I don't have a friend or family member who could come help my family during a birth. Hiring someone seems to be my only option, and I'm really glad to know that a doula is probably the right kind of person to look for.

[ocelotmom]

In general, I agree with the others. As long as you're up front about what you're looking for and aware that there may well be doulas who aren't willing to fill that role, I don't see a problem with it.

However, I'm wondering if this sort of "nesting" behavior is part of your husband's coping mechanism, and if that issue needs to be addressed somehow. A doula might also be useful for helping him finds things to do that are actually helpful and supportive of you!

My DH did similar futzing around during my homebirth. It was my third birth, so it wasn't like he was totally new to the whole labor support deal. I think having a homebirth just put a different sort of pressure on him. For that matter, I did some of that myself. I didn't go crazy with cleaning, but I didn't bother wiping toothpaste spots off the bathroom mirror before my hospital births :p