Tips for handling a toddler plus a newborn?

[Beauchamp]

I'm just past the halfway point in my second pregnancy, and already I am starting to worry. DD is super attached (to me), fairly high needs, very smart, and has been nursed on demand and to sleep for every nap and night since birth. (We're working on DH becoming her bedtime person between now and June.) 

Some days I feel like I am in a groove in terms of taking care of her, etc. And then other days I am berating myself because the house is a mess, meals are usually last minute, off the cuff, I can't seem to do much beyond take care of DD, play tea set, do puzzles, and I feel like a total MESS--like I should have it together by now at 19 months!!! So many other moms I see out and about seem so much more put together than me. 

And now a new baby is coming! Help! Ideas? What are the best tricks and tips for a soon-to-be mama of two?  

[elisheva]

If it makes you feel better, my oldest is 4 and I'm only *now* feeling like I have things under control most days. It's taken me 4 years. Granted, I've had three kids and am pregnant again so my learning curve might have been slower than others... Please cut yourself some slack. 

It took me a while to determine what my personal "must haves" are to feel the house is clean and everyone is well-fed:

clear floor (my floor isn't always clear - but when it is, I feel good :),

dishes mostly done,

laundry done and put away.

Anything else is gravy for me. This is just my bare-minimum list. And like I said, it took me 4 years to get here.

I'm only now starting to plan dinner earlier in the day or <gasp> sometimes a day in advance. A source of protein plus a veg or fruit = nutritious meal in my book. We eat apples and peanut butter for lunch A LOT. My kids' fave breakfast is plain yogurt with sliced bananas and a drizzle of honey. Easy. 

Again, 4 years. ;)

As far as going from 1 to 2...get a good wrap and wear your newborn all.the.time. They'll be happy. You'll have arms for your dd and to do other chores. Get out to parks for a little while every day if you can to see other moms and to watch your dd play instead of feeling like the entertainment committee. 

Hugs. You can do this!!!! Take it easy and in small steps.

[Chloe'sMama]

Interested in seeing what other people have to say.

DD2 is almost 5 months and it still is feeling pretty topsy turvy.  

One thing that helps my sanity is to do an activity every morning.  I try and leave the house at 9ish and get home by lunchtime then to nap DD1.  

Today was an awful day, most of which I blame on sticking around the house.  We all go a little crazy.

[tzs]

good question, OP. i'm with you (may due date) and there are times that thinking about it gives me a massive panic attack. i was sick this week for one day....ONE DAY!!!....and the house was a disaster zone, took me the whole next day just to clear the floor. i'm thinking there will be no resting in bed post-partum at all?????? oh my gosh.....

[CinCanada]

Originally Posted by tzs 

good question, OP. i'm with you (may due date) and there are times that thinking about it gives me a massive panic attack. i was sick this week for one day....ONE DAY!!!....and the house was a disaster zone, took me the whole next day just to clear the floor. i'm thinking there will be no resting in bed post-partum at all?????? oh my gosh.....

This is SO me.  I have a lot of days where I'm worried about how things will go once the new babe arrives in May.  I have trouble a lot of(most) days just riding out the dramas of my dear 2yo so I'm concerned at how patient I'll be able to be once things get hairy & even more sleep deprived.  I know we all have to cut ourselves some slack & that only time will help get things under control but I hope I can hold on to my gentle parenting ideals through the transition.

I'm hoping I may be able to assign a day or two each week to each set of grandparents etc so come in & give DD extra attention, help with meals etc.

 mommas, we'll get through it!  Let's hope for lots of the good days too!

[penstamon]

Another May mama feeling the same way.  DS is 18 mo and will be 21-22mo when the babe is born, so I am freaking out.  DS loves to be held-by me-a lot and still doesn't STTN.  One thing that I changed this time around is asking for family help early.  Last time I wanted alone time with DH, DS and I for awhile so we held off visitors.  Our families are across the country so it was easy to do and most of our friends didn't have kids.  I even held off our pp doula because I was so overwhelmed. This time I am already setting up the family visits so we have a steady stream of people here for the first few months.  We have made more local friends and friends with kids so I am intending on taking people up on offers to watch DS or make us food.  It is a headache on the one hand to juggle guests when you feel exhausted, dirty, and overwhelmed but at least there will be extra hands for DS, the babe, cooking, cleaning, whatever.  I am trying to embrace the more traditional approach- letting family/community help a young family.

I also plan to wear the baby a lot as a pp mentioned and I agree with the other pp's idea of getting out the house every day before DS's nap- its what we do now to keep us all sane and keep contact with others.  Plus, I plan to have a lot of outside time in the garden/yard/farm, etc with DS while I just sit about and rest/nurse the baby.  I don't care about the house in the beginning and if my visitors do- they can clean it!!!  Also I have already gotten used to showers and me time being a luxury, so I figure I can suffer a little longer.  Its always easier in the summer with long days and warm temps, fresh food, etc.

As you can tell I'm trying to be positive, but I am scared too.  I just think it is my attitude and expectations that need to change to accommodate the new addition.

[KJunebug]

I fretted and fretted about this question, but when it came.... not as big of a deal as I feared.  DD2 was born in May when DD1 was 26 months... the main think I know I did differently is I got outside a lot, and early.  Like when DD2 was days old....  any of you having late spring/summer babies....  get outside!

The hardest part for me in juggling the 2, is the 2 nap schedules once the little one settles in.  At first it was easy as could be, she could/would sleep anywhere.  Now she sleeps best at home, which makes getting out in the AM hard.  We do most everything after 2PM.

It will be o.k.!

[tzs]

Originally Posted by KJunebug 

I fretted and fretted about this question, but when it came.... not as big of a deal as I feared.  DD2 was born in May when DD1 was 26 months... the main think I know I did differently is I got outside a lot, and early.  Like when DD2 was days old....  any of you having late spring/summer babies....  get outside!

The hardest part for me in juggling the 2, is the 2 nap schedules once the little one settles in.  At first it was easy as could be, she could/would sleep anywhere.  Now she sleeps best at home, which makes getting out in the AM hard.  We do most everything after 2PM.

It will be o.k.!

this is such a good point. with the late spring-ness of it all, getting outside will be way easier than driving to the mall. and now with a real live kid that walks and talks i have make it a resolution to actually pick up the dog poop so that we can go out and lounge/run around in the back yard. (i'm also picturing mojitos...for me, not the kid... but let's not get ahead of ourselves...) 

[YayJennie]

Routine, routine, routine.  Maybe I'm just a bit OCD, but having a consistent routine allows me to get the housework I need done, while being sure my son and daughter are both well cared for and keeps me sane.  I started by making a list of what things HAD to be done everyday (dishes, laundry, dog walked, toddler napped, dinner made, and something fun for the toddler like a playgroup or story time), and then figured out how to work it into a successful, productive day.

Our routine changed a bit after my daughter was born, but we still have consistent things we do EVERY day.  Every morning, I wash a load of dishes and a throw in a load of laundry while my son eats breakfast.  After breakfast, we walk the dog (Weather permitting.  Newborn in the wrap, toddler in the stroller, dog on the leash.).  Some mornings, we get out of the house for a playgroup or story time and then always home by 11:30-12 so we can eat a quick lunch and be down for a nap.  My son naps from 12-2 everyday, which is a blessing because I can fold laundry, make dinner, and clean up a bit while he sleeps.  I do all of that while wearing my newborn, or, sometimes, she'll nap as well and I might get a little *me* time!  The afternoons are usually spent playing at home, but if we haven't left the house in the morning, we might have a dinner date at a friends house, run some errands or host a playgroup at our house.

My son always helps pick up his toys before nap and before bed.  We have a consistent bedtime and nap time routine (reading, brushing teeth, singing and back rubs).  I have a set way of loading the kids into the car (Baby in wrap, toddler holding my hand, diaper bag is a backpack so it's on my back.  Toddler into car sear then start car while still wearing baby.  Put baby into car seat, then go.).  I always have my diaper bag packed with a change of clothes, nursing pads, diapers, wipes, and an extra wrap to wear the baby in.  I keep a change of clothes for me in the car as well, just in case I get pooped/puked on while we're out.

This is just what has worked for me.  It allows me to be the most efficient and I it's nice for my son because he always knows what to expect.

Other tips:

*Definitely babywear.  I love the moby for newborns, and can do so much wearing my newborn.  I honestly have no idea how parents of two young kids get by without babywearing.

*Get your toddler to help out.  Cleaning up, grabbing towels or diapers or pacifiers or whatever, and doing simple tasks like picking up toys.  This is so helpful for when I'm nursing my daughter, because I include my son by asking him to get a burp cloth and baby's blanket while I'm nursing. 

*Ask for help.  Seriously.  People love babies.  Invite them over to hold the newborn so you can play with the toddler, or have your family come over and do the dishes or laundry.

*Lower your expectations.  If both your kids are fed and happy, then you've accomplished a successful day.  Housework can wait and you don't always need to be making home made meals from scratch, but if you can just manage to keep your kids well fed and mostly happy, then you're OK :)