DD issues. I don't know what to do!! Any and all opinions appreciated!! Mods please move if... - Page 2

[karne]

Our experience with public school based instruction has been very, very, good.  I don't think it's impossible to receive excellent, individualized, and challenging insrtuction through the school system.  My experience has been, however, that it takes effort, and consistent willingness to advocate for your child.  It has also taken a willingness for us, as parents, to step back at times, and allow the teachers to push when they feel it's appropriate, and generally be the professional that they are.

I feel like I'm fumbling for words here, probably because I am really passionate about my child's experience.  We did come from a school where kids were supposed to get things in their own time, and it was a mess.  While it's fine to say "My kid didn't read until 5th grade"..in my mind that only works if it's OK with your child.  I don't think there's any reason not to give the child the skills they need to read, for instance.  I don't know what it's like to struggle to read...it's not my issue.  But, it was my dd's issue because of dyslexia, and it wasn't a happy or comfortable place for her to be.  Letting it go, with the mantra that it would come when she was ready, was destructive to her self esteem, and an inaccurate way to address her learning needs.  I think that if we worry about our kids being "pushed" or "labled", then we do the best we can to protect them from that.  But it hasn't been a reason not to seek appropriate teaching.

FWIW, we both have advanced degrees, dh is a master educator.  You would think we could do this on our own, but part of the process for us was waking up to the fact that it was OK to allow educators who specialized in dyslexia to help our dd.  It's been a good thing to widen our circle a bit.  She, btw, is an amazing student now, but you wouldn't have seen that coming a few years ago.

OP, I hope that you find the help your dd needs to succeed.

[Tigerle]

Some thoughts, somewhat disjointed...

IME, international schools in Europe tend to cater to a very specific, highly selective and academic expatriate community that has high expectations for their children, expecting these schools to prepare their kids within the framework of the rigorous IB curriculum for entry into highly selective colleges and universities. They are usually very upfront about not being interested in catering to special needs children though they do accept a number of children who do not "fit" this particular educational model in order to serve this community for whom other options may be difficult to acess. I can imagine that your daughter must feel horribly out of place.

I have no idea what special ed schools are like in Belgium, but I suppose you feel having her learn yet another language for school does not sound like a good idea. Unless she is pretty fluent in French? Have you checked out your options? Waldorf would never work for our family, but it might fit your daughter who loves crafts, may be a very auditory learner and may do better with delayed academics, if she follows in your DH's footsteps. 

How sure are you that she "will be put on meds" if you followed up on her learning disabilities? Is there a particular local bias? And if it *were* determined by a specialist that meds might be helpful, how would you feel about a trial run, maybe have her repeat the testing on meds, then discontinue for homschooling as you have a clearer idea about whats going on? We are in the process of special needs testing and I have this similar gut reaction to medication for a very young child; however, DS is 4, your daughter is 8 and obviously struggling harder than she ought to.

 Why would she compare herself more to her brother if you homeschooled her? Isn't he in school? Being gifted, the school should be right up *his* alley.

[treemom2]

Well, after all the testing and notes from DD's teacher, she does not qualify for Sped.  I think this is a good and bad thing.  I have to admit I wanted the support of the law behind our requests. . .but if she'd been found to qualify we would have had to work with only the sped teacher (not my DH, the other one in the school) and her regular ed teacher and wouldn't have been able to continue getting assistance from the remedial math teacher and the remedial reading teacher.  However, with her coming home to school; I'm not sure how much I'll want assistance from them.

DD is very excited to come home to homeschool with her brother.  DD has asked to work on the same things he works on (he's basically unschooled, or very relaxed homeschooled), on the same level.  I'm somewhat okay with that.  However, unlike DS, DD still isn't really reading past beginning first grade level and DS is reading at an almost 4th grade level now.  He's much more motivated to learn.  He basically taught himself to read and he's always asking questions about how and why things are the way they are.  He'll see an experiment on TV and the next think I know, he's doing it.  DD is not like that.  She likes to write (even though she leaves out all the vowels and a lot of letters are backwards), do crafts, cook, etc. . .but she doesn't seem to have that same inquisitive nature.  I think I'll have to lead the schooling a little more for her. . .but I also want it to be fun and enjoyable for her.

Yes, I am a little scared of bringing her home.  The only support I have is my DH and, well, MDC.  However, I don't think I have a choice. . .there are no other schools around she can attend.  I mean, I could take her to a Belgian school; but adding French on top of everything would be too difficult for her. There are two homeschooling groups here in our region and one of them is about 2 hours away.  There is one here in our town as well, but I don't think I would receive very much support.  It is a VERY Christian group and they tend to have their meetings in conjunction with the Protestant Women's Group at the church. . .and their group meetings seem to be about finding the best Christian science programs or the best Christian parenting books or how to keep their daughters from growing up to be *gasp* feminists.  It's pretty intense. . .and, as freethinkers, not really our cup of tea :)  She has a lot of friends at school, so I'm hoping to help her continue those friendships by having playdates, sleepovers, and still letting her attend her daily specials at school.

Also, about having more testing done. . .I just don't see how we can do that here.  We're in a French speaking country and we don't speak French.  Perhaps we could get it done while we're in the states this summer visiting family. . .I'll have to check into that.

I do have to mention. . .I don't think the school discourages children to be found to have disabilities.  I also think they do their best to follow kids' IEPs. I think it's a great school for the top 78% and the bottom 10% who are in sped.  I think the teachers don't know what to do with the 12% who aren't quite sped and who aren't in that upper 78%. . .which seems to be my DD, or at least right now in her life.

Thanks again for all your posts!  They really help me think!