? about taking a break

[momtofia]

Wondering how other mom of special needs kids take a break or if they do?

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Hi momtofia! Nice to "see a new face" around the SNP board!

As far as taking breaks, it has changed over the years. My oldest is on the spectrum and is 11 yrs. old now and I have two other boys, 9 and 7 years old. When he was a baby, it was almost impossible to take breaks, because my dh and I were the only ones he'd stop crying for. He had serious sensory issues and now we know food sensitivities as well. As he became a toddler, it became a little bit easier to leave him with other people and take longer breaks. But the thing that helped the most was that dh would get home from work and take over the child care for an hour or so and I'd have that down time.

For awhile when ds was 9, he went through a really really hard time and I just didn't feel like anyone besides dh or I could really handle him, and that often meant that both of us were necessary. He had begun to have rage issues and was starting to get violent. That was a rough year for the family, because none of us really got breaks from the stress, and that includes my other sons. Ds was a mess, because he knew he was out of control as well. My parents would take all the boys for a couple of days so dh and I could get away, because they knew that we were losing our minds. And he did pretty well with them, because he was spoiled and didn't have any of the real life stressors at their house. But on a day to day basis, I just looked forward to when the boys were asleep.

Now ds is 11. He's on medication, and he is so much happier with himself and he is so much more in control. It makes getting breaks so much easier. It also makes needing them so much less important!

I thnk that giving yourself little breaks throughout the day are really important for mental health, even if you have to sit your child in front of the TV for a half hour or hour. Even if it's just a break while your child eats a snack or lunch. Sit down, have a cup of tea, read a book while you sit next to your child if you have no other outlook.

[momtofia]

Thanks for your response "Queenofthemeadow". I appreciate you sharing your story with me. Just wondering if and how other parents found a way to take "breaks." We don't have family around to help, so my spouse and I end up tag teaming usually. I'm guessing that's pretty common. Thanks again.

[Stephenie]

We tag team, too. No family in the area. We have had friends from church watch the kids once, for our anniversary and friends from my husband's work watched them once for my birthday, but other than that, if I need a break, I wait until dh gets home and run off to the library for a bit or see a movie or something. 

[askew]

We have no family around either. We either "break" separately, or we wait until family comes to visit. When my Mom comes, twice a year, DH and I go out to dinner or some other date type thing. I work out of the home, and to be perfectly honest, I feel like work is my break. I will go to work dead sick, as being at work is still 50% easier than being home. 

[BeautyforAshes]

,,

Another tag-teamer here.  We don't have family around either.  Occasionally, a good friend of mine will take our daughter for the evening, but she has had problems with separation anxiety, so we don't do that much, either.

[Guinevere]

We tag-team, as well (no family around, either), but we also use respite care weekly, which has been wonderful. We were fortunate enough to already have a regular babysitter who was willing to become certified as our respite provider, which means that now we can go out as a couple, and the sitter is, in essence, paid twice: once by us for the other kids, and once by our respite agency for caring for Sophie. I also use respite to help with lengthy or complicated medical appts/procedures when DH is at work and I need an extra pair of hands.

We've only left the kids overnight once since Sophie's been born, though, and my mom flew in to double up with our sitter for the weekend. And then everyone promptly came down with the flu in the ensuing 48 hrs. Ah, good times.

Guin

[anj_rn]

We have home health nursing for my DD.  (She requires round the clock nursing care).  They work in the evenings 9p-7a (so we can sleep), and then 2 days a week (either to accompany us to appointments across town, or so my DS and I can get out of the house.  Occasionally, my DS will spend the day with Grandma and my DH and I will take a break.  We schedules nursing around the clock for our anniversary to get away for one night last June.  Usually my breaks from DD are to spend one on one time with DS.

[momtofia]

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for responding. Sounds like tag-teaming is very common. Appreciate your sharing with me.

[Eyelet]

We tag team as well. Honestly, the only time DH and I would get a break together is when DS is at school. We're on the waiting list for county respite services, but it's a loooooong wait. 

[~cassie]

I rarely get a break.   Dh works long hours and comes home and goes to sleep within 30 minutes of getting home, which means everything is on me all the time.  I get a break from my SN child when he goes to school on MWF, and I only have my 2 yr old at home then.  For my sanity, I enrolled my 2 yr old in a 2 day a week mom's day out program so that the 2 yr old and my SN child weren't fighting all day long.  Lot easier just dealing with one.  So while I don't get the actual alone time, I get a break by just having 1 kid, which helps immensely.

[treekidsandadog]

Sorry...I didn't see what type of special needs your child has, but thought I'd brin up respite care through your local community mental health.  In some states they offer respite care for a break from caregiving...There's always respite camps too...they are specially trained individuals who are trained in your child's special needs and can provide a break...I don't know if these would be something your family would be interested in...just putting it out there.