8 month old wakes all night long, this momma is losing it.

[calizacar]

I'm hoping I can find some encouragement/help out there.  My son is 8 months old and while he's never slept through the night ( and I don't expect him to) he's only sleeping about 2 hours (if that) before he wakes up.  I've been nursing him down each time which in the beginning I was more than happy to do.  Now however, I'm so sleep deprived I can barely take it anymore.  I'm getting angry with him that he won't sleep which in turns makes me feel so guilty because I know it's not his fault.  He has slept 6 hours in one go so I know it can be done, but then he'll revert right back to waking every hour, every hour and a half.  I'm at the end of my rope, and every time I have a breakdown my husband tells me that it isn't working and we just need to let him cry it out.  I of course feel strongly about not doing this method since there doesn't seem to be anything good that comes out of it however, I'm losing it..........

I've read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" and am on day 5 of my first week of trying but now can't remember what I was ever trying in the first place since nothing seems to work.  It worked brilliantly the first night but since then, nada.  Should I try night weaning???  Is he still too young to do this?  I don't need 12 hours of sleep, I need at least 4 straight hours........  Why does it seem like that's too much to ask???

[aumismommy]

In the same boat with our 6 1/2 mo old so will be watching for

replies

[ABMama]

Hugs to you mama, This too shall pass. 

My advice that I give everyone when it comes to sleep is.

1. Throw out the book.

2. Let it go.

The thing is that some babies can be "trained" by No-Cry, or Shush-Pat, or whatever...but some just can't. You either get a good sleeper or you don't. What is more important is for you to get some coping techniques. 

My eldest STILL doesnt sleep though the night and he is 5. (he stopped napping at 15mos as well.)

I would suggest going to bed with him so that you get *some* sleep before that first wake up, and if you leave the lights off he may just dream feed and go back to sleep. I know, it sucks! But when we choose to parent the way that we do, alone/adult time becomes part of the sacrifice. 

I also found that the *more* I stressed about sleep the *less* my kids will sleep. It's almost murphys law. If I took a couple days and said, I will just go with it, my kids would not *feel* me trying to pull away and they would become more secure and then let me have more freedom. 

Does that make sense? 

Our kids can feel when we want space, and feel resentment, and they get scared and insecure so they *latch on* (pun intended) even more. 

Good luck mama. It passes. 

[sere234]

I feel your pain also:( My 5.5 month old wakes every hour or two, every night... He naps fine in his swing during the day though. Perhaps a swing (if you can find one for your bigger babe) would work? Though that's just training him with another crutch!

I'm on day 6 of a No Cry sleep plan and am like you, I'm thinking, what am I supposed to be doing at night now? I think my baby is training me, not the other way around! LOL!

Tonight I might try putting his crib mattress on the floor since we're getting no use out of it in his crib! Maybe I can scoot him on to that and he'll sleep longer? 

I really have no more ideas, as my DS has proven all of mine wrong!! Good luck!

[cileag]

There's a notorious 8 month sleep regression and for us, it was way worse than the early newborn period.  The extended period of time with no sleep really got to me by then.  Here's my suggestions:

1. Teething? If so, I'm absolutely ok with ibuprofen and that helped us.

2. Split the night up.  You get four hours----turn on fans, send them out of the house even if you have to, but you get 4 hours and then you switch. 

3. I'm NOT a fan of cry it out, BUT if you read Ask Moxie, she talks about crying as tension release vs. tension building.  Some kids do need to fuss for a few minutes before sleeping.  It's possible your kiddo is one of them.

4.  It will pass.  I promise.  We were back to waking up every 90 minutes for about three weeks or so and I was about ready to die and then it got better and better and we're sleeping 10-11 hours now straight. 

Hang in there.

[calizacar]

Thanks ladies,  I'm realizing that I need to change his sleep association and that it's partially my fault he's waking up all the time.  So, I'm taking a little more of an advanced approach than the "no cry" book.  We'll see how it goes........

[lizfu]

I've been there. It stinks. Are you cosleeping?  My DS did much better once he was in a different room than us.  He likes nursing to sleep in my bed but then he is much less restless when he's in his own bed. I think we woke each other up too much. Are you set on co-sleeping?  I like it in the beginning/end of the night but not the middle.

Also, if you are starting to disintegrate it's time for a change. I'm not going to advocate any nonaccepted methods of sleep training, but I will say that if I watch the video monitor and see that my son is fussing while still lying down, he will usually go back down on his own. If he is really screaming/standing/sitting then of course I go in and nurse and comfort.  I don't think that watching and listening to your child carefully while he/she fusses (not screams) for a couple of minutes will harm him- and for my son, he often will fuss and go back to sleep within 2-3 minutes. He is not waking at those times because he is hungry or needs me- it's a typical pattern of the sleep cycle and if I try to change/nurse/comfort it actually is worse, and takes longer, than if I let him fuss for a minute.  Not cry/scream, but fuss.

You might want to read "healthy sleep habits, happy child." The author DOES support some crying- but even if you discard that part of the book, he has TONS of good research-based info on the typical sleep patterns of babies at various ages. It's helpful to know whether your nap times/durations are on target, and when sleep problems typically happen. He saved me with both kids with his 2-hour-wakeful-window for newborns.  And he also said that 3rd nap was ok until 9 mo or so- which I needed to hear when uneducated people were telling me to force my DS to drop his 3rd nap too early.

GL and hugs.  Your baby needs you to be healthy- and you need to get some more sleep to be able to be healthy for him.

[newmamalizzy]

DD (10 months) was in a similarly bad sleep phase a few months ago and her sleep improved dramatically when we started adjusting her daytime eating patterns.  She's bottle-fed, so I'm sure it's slightly different, but I encouraged her to take a slightly larger bottle every three hours or so instead of every two as she had been doing and extended the bottle interval a little more by increasing solids (we had been doing hardly any solids).  I also "cluster feed" her before bedtime.  Somehow it worked and her sleep time between wakings extended quite a bit.  (I'm knocking on wood as I type.)    Coincidence?  Maybe...but might be worth a try. 

[calizacar]

Thanks Gals,

lizfu - We are co sleeping at the moment and no, I'm not dead set on it.  I would actually prefer that he start sleeping in his pack and play a little more because I do think he wakes up more because of us ( my husband is a restless sleeper and snores, grrrr) and usually I can get him to go down in it for the first "few" hours of the night.  But lately, he won't let me put him down!!!  I can't even get him down for a nap without me!!!  I will say that I did start trying to comfort him in other ways besides nursing every time he wakes up.  I felt he could go 4 hours without nursing since he's slept 5 hour stretches at this point.  He was not pleased to say the least.  I would hold him, lay with him, pat him, you name it, do anything but nurse and he would just cry and throw himself all over the bed.  I've even got my husband to help out.  Sometimes it works, other times this has gone on for hours.  Usually the following night after one of these episodes he will sleep 6-7 hours straight!  But then we're back to square one the very next night and now nap time has become impossible.........  I'm assuming that because nighttime has become a little more difficult that he's taking advantage of me during the day so my gut tells me that maybe this isn't working at the moment but then I'm back to square one and I'm so angry about it.  I love my DS to bits but this lack of sleep is really starting to affect me and it's affecting our relationship because I'm starting to resent him, which then of course makes me feel guilty because I know he can't help it and I'm the one that's supposed to be protecting him and helping him.......  I do not advocate CIO and I know it's not healthy for anyone especially him but I'm so there.........  I need a change.

Sorry for ranting ladies.  I know I'm not the first person to go through this and certainly won't be the last.  And I know that in the grand scheme of things this is a very short time, it's just hard when you're in the middle of it.  Thanks for letting me spew..............

[zacksmom]

I am struggling with the same thing right now. I actually posted about possibly co-sleeping with my 5.5 month old son. We do bring him in with us in the morning to try to get a little more sleep. He goes to bed at 6pm which I know is early but that is when he wants to sleep so I am not going to drag it out. So he was sleeping well - 5-7 hour stretches in the begginning of the night. When he would wake I would either nurse or my husband would bounce him back to sleep. This worked when he was smaller but now he is very aware of things. So, we tried putting him down drowsy but awake. If he cried, we'd start over and either he would fall asleep or we'd have to put him out or I would end up nursing. I finally realized that he was screaming the second he hit the mattress because I spent so much time rocking him then immediately put him in his crib. We started slowly shorting that time and making sure to slow down the rocking, to a slow stop, then continue to hold him for a few more minutes. When I did put him in the crib it was slowly and gently and then I kept my hands on him or rubbed his back if he needed it. Its worth a try. We were finally over that then he started waking screaming again - just found out we are on ear infection number 4 and getting up every hour.

I feel your pain. I had a friend rave about ferber and how it worked in two nights. I can't do it. I need to know why the baby is crying and try to address that problem. I would also feel horrible if something was really wrong with him. Maybe you are feeding him too much and he is getting a belly ache or waking because his body is digesting all night. I have slowly and I mean slowly been cutting back on nursing....only giving one breast and when he stops actively sucking I don't encourage more sucking and let him drift to sleep. I agree with the post above - if he fusses a bit or even cries a minute or two (not screaming), he may just need to settle himself. We did a lot of interfering with his sleep accidentally and now are feeling the effects of it!

I hope this helps and good luck! Maybe you can have someone come over and watch the baby and let you and your husband have a nap day!!

[Cynthia Mosher]

We've had quite a few sleep issue posts lately so we're thinking to do a workshop on the topic here at MDC. When we have something set and ready to go we'll post an announcement to let everyone know. 

But in reading this I noticed something that was not suggested that I thought I'd share. It may not work for everyone but it certainly did for us.

calizacar, you said:

I do think he wakes up more because of us ( my husband is a restless sleeper and snores, grrrr)

 

This was the case with us and not only was I not getting sleep because of my babies waking up so often, my dh was not sleeping well either because baby waking up would waken him too. So, we decided to sleep separately - he in another room and me with the baby in the family bed. He got the sleep he needed. Baby slept better and longer. I got more sleep as a result. 

[calizacar]

Cynthia - thank you for your message. We live in a one bedroom apt in NYC but we have sometimes taken turns sleeping on the couch which is quite comfy. But a question for you, is that where I am? Is that my final resort until my DS starts sleeping longer? I feel bad about asking my DH to stay on the couch but he gets it as well. I'll be curious to see the sleep workshop. Any little bit helps at this point. I guess I just need to know if this is it for now or if it's possible to change things. The non sleep for me is really keeping me down....

[LBush]

While on this thread I realize ALOT of people are encountering a sleep regression around 8 months.  I am severely struggling with my 7.5 month old.  We are going on week 6 of a regression from 5-6 hour sleep stretches to 1.5 to, if we're lucky 3 hours stretches.  She has never slept well in bed with us because she likes to roll onto her tummy and we get in her way, so she has been in a crib next to the bed.  When this started, she began by waking more frequently but being easily nursed back to sleep.  That quickly changed that she would not go back to sleep.  She shifts around in your arms, seeming to try to get comfortable, swings her arms back and forth (usaully smacking me in the face), kicking her legs and arching her back.  Nothing we do seems to lull her to sleep.  She usually isn't screaming during this, but does cry at times.  I worry that I am ignoring some physical illness etc as I have chalked it off as a developmental stage or teeth.  I have called our doctors nurse line and they seem to think teeth etc are at work here.  But is 6 weeks typical, don't most "stages" ebb and flow more quickly?  Should I insist her doctor see her? Or do I just go with what is going on?  I too can barely function with this type of sleeping.  I have tried bringing her back into bed, but she kicks and hits while she nurses there too!  Not to mention I have dermitits on my nipples which makes unfriendly nursing horrific! (but that is a completely different thread!).  I don't know what to do.  I don't like who I am as a mother when I am cronically sleep deprived.  Any thoughts/advice is appreciated.  Sorry to take over this thread with all this, at the very least it feels good to put it out there and to read of others in the same boat.

[sosurreal09]

I would not NW at this age.

What helps us is 2 things

1. Don't nurse for every waking: If she wakes up before like 3hrs I lay her on my chest, rub her back, and sing. She protests but gives in and goes back to sleep. (usually after this then she will go like 6 hrs)

2. When I do nurse her at night and to sleep: Just as she is really drifting and the sucking is spacing out I lean back and away from her so the nipple isn't ripped out but being slowly pulled up (?IDK?) and out. If she starts crying i go back on my side and she nurses another couple of gulps and I do the same thing. It makes it so the nipple is not "being taken from her" but more like it's not worth it to try and follow it. She just gives up and then actually drifts by herself.

[D_McG]

[/quote]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

I would not NW at this age.

What helps us is 2 things

1. Don't nurse for every waking: If she wakes up before like 3hrs I lay her on my chest, rub her back, and sing. She protests but gives in and goes back to sleep. (usually after this then she will go like 6 hrs)

2. When I do nurse her at night and to sleep: Just as she is really drifting and the sucking is spacing out I lean back and away from her so the nipple isn't ripped out but being slowly pulled up (?IDK?) and out. If she starts crying i go back on my side and she nurses another couple of gulps and I do the same thing. It makes it so the nipple is not "being taken from her" but more like it's not worth it to try and follow it. She just gives up and then actually drifts by herself.

I agree with this approach. It's what I did kind of informally with my second and it worked great.

[mamazee]

Something I remember from my bad sleeper (who did eventually grow into a good sleeper) is that her longest stretch of sleep was her first stretch of sleep.  So if I put her to bed at 7, she'd often have her longest stretch of sleep before it did me any good.  I started at some point waiting to put her to bed until I went to bed.  She was more tired, and I'd get that whole stretch of sleep.  Sometimes kids sleep better if they're put to bed earlier - the whole "sleep begets sleep" thing - and sometimes they sleep better if they're put to bed later.  It's a very individual thing and I wouldn't assume any rules about what time to sleep, sleep associations, anything are best for your particular child.  I'd try one thing, and if it doesn't work, try something else until something sticks.  I know it's awful to go through, but sometimes tweaking things can at least create a longer time between nursings or maybe one longer stretch, which can feel really good after going without decent sleep for a long time.  Good luck!

[LBush]

I realized my previous post should probably be somewhere else.  sorry, new to posting here.