Dealing with aging

[kittywitty]

When I was younger I never understood why people would be upset by lines and wrinkles and other signs of aging. My mother was always obsessed with it-still is. Constant complaining about every line and crease. Well, now after 5 kids and nearing my 30's, I seem to have picked this up although I always swore I wouldn't. I have forehead creases, large pores, weight I can't shake off after birth, my once always perky breasts took a toll after giving birth to #5, my stomach is wrinkly and saggy from loose skin and a 7" myomectomy scar. My once porcelain perfect skin is now marred by sunburns and scars... I'm finding it hard to cope with. I feel unattractive and undesirable. I feel like nobody could ever find me pretty or want me and surely dh must be unhappy with me no matter what he says. He does teach college and is around pretty, young 18 year olds every day, how could I possibly compare in the slightest? I just feel old and ugly. I became a parent young (17) after being told I'd never have children and I have been so blessed with 5 children. And I'm not feeling regret over any of them, by any means. But the physical toll is suddenly hard for me to bear. Anyone have any btdt, words of wisdom, advice, miracle wrinkle creams?

[HollyBearsMom]

My only advice is a good moisturizer, mascara and lip gloss!  

I am almost 49 and never really felt that way until I visited my cousin recently and she has had her eyes done, her lips done and is scheduled for a mini face lift.   She was always the "natural" outdoorsy type, probably a size 10/12, very little makeup, ratty jeans and tees. She now works out, wears a size 4/6, is in low cut skinny jeans, tight j crew/anthropology type tees, got a tat and honestly, she looks amazing! Fit, healthy, stylish and happy. 

All of a sudden I noticed every pore, every wrinkle, every gray hair and was suddenly really subconscious of the extra 40lbs I carry around with me. 

Well I can't do anything about my saggy skin, wrinkles and the like but I found that with a good moisturizer my skin looks better, mascara makes my eyes look brighter and the lip gloss just make me feel "smilier".

[kittywitty]

I do always wear mascara. I used to have super dark, thick beautiful eyelashes but, well, I don't anymore. And my lips are so thin! I suppose collagen injections are the only thing that help that one and that freaks me out. Do you have lotion suggestions? I use some St.Ives kind I've used on and off since I was a teen and have not ventured far from there. My skin is so dry but the last Aveeno one I had made me tingly weirdly.

[HollyBearsMom]

I have super dry skin too. I use Olay Total Effects Mature Skin Therapy and Olay total effects eye cream both day and night. Once a week I use Kerstin Florian's "Intensive Renewal Glycolic 15" cream. 

Oh, I have had luck with Olay regenerist stuff too but they discontinued the kids I had been using a couple of years ago and I switched to the the total effects.

[peainthepod]

Honestly, I just try not to notice the wrinkles, if that makes sense. I'm three months post-partum and will be 31 in two days. I feel saggy and lumpy in all the wrong places and the skin on my stomach is a disaster. But I know from experience that my body will firm up again with time, and the few extra pounds will melt off with enough exercise this summer, and any wrinkles I pick up are going to be there for the rest of my life, so why stress about them? I don't like wearing a ton of makeup; a dab of concealer under each eye and a little blush and some lip gloss and I'm good to go. Most cosmetics designed to "fight aging" are made with iffy chemicals; I use California Baby aloe vera cream on my face and am very happy with how moisturizing and healing it is, and the fact that it's completely nontoxic and safe enough to put on a newborn.

I also have no plans to dye my hair when I start to go gray, because I think gray hair is kind of pretty and few things are less dignified, to me, than an older woman with a shock of bright, obviously dyed hair.

Getting old is kind of an honor and a privilege--not something everybody gets to do! I don't enjoy most aspects of it but we were designed this way for a reason, and so I try to accept it with whatever grace I can muster.

[Climbing Rose]

I don't know if I have any great advice, but I am in the same boat, if that helps.

I had one baby that was over ten pounds, and that one seemed to do things to my body that none of the previous pregnancies did. (I am a mother to six, almost seven now.)

I just don't always feel pretty like I used to, but I know it has a lot to do with how I was raised (my father was a porn addict, etc). What is really helping me right now is to realize these are *my* issues, and not my DH's, since what I really want is to feel attractive to him, yk? I mean, he is a great guy and I think he realized we were both going to get older together. =P

So I don't know if that would help... if you can separate that your issues stem from your mother, and they are *your* issues, not necessarily your DH's~ and he probably thinks you are the cutest thing around, since he chose you and loves you and wants to come home to you.... And then try and make them not your issues anymore either! =)

I am trying to realize that it is just a normal part of life. We were all 18 year olds once, and now we all (including the current 18 year olds) are getting older. It is what is supposed to happen, and it is really probably only our modern western culture that is so messed up about it (and then it in turn messes us women up!).

I also just try to look nice, which for me means a dress in a pretty color, having showered (not a small thing with a bunch of LOs =), and that sort of thing.

I talked to my DH about it before, and he said it just means that I am a woman now, with a woman's body (curvier since giving birth, etc).  We were young together, and now we are slowly getting older together, and that is a good thing too. :heartbeat

There is this bumper sticker I saw a long time ago that said something like "The alternative to old age is death."  Is it kind of funny, but also sad and true- and helps to keep it in perspective. 

[hedgehogs4]

I have these feelings sometimes too.  I try to think about our society's double standard regarding aging and how despite every infomercial or magazine advertisement, my self worth as a woman is not tied primarily to my physical appearance and I try to remember that and model it for my daughter....  not easy tho!  I hope to have 60+ years of not looking like I'm 20 - so it's best to make peace with it!  :)

[Linda on the move]

I'm 45. I honestly look far better in my 40s than I did in my 30s. I look younger, I weigh less, and I'm in better shape.

Part of the problem for me was that I really couldn't figure out how to take care of myself and AP my young, high-need children. (I also ate a lot of my emotions. :bag)

My advice:

1. Start taking better care of your skin. I really like Merle Norman products, but they are kind of high. Washing your face twice a day with a gentle cleanser, and following with toner and moisterizer will help.

2. Use a little makeup. Past a certain age, most every woman needs foundation.

3. Drink water. When we drink water, all of our cells, including our skin cells stay hydrated. When I don't drink lots of water I look 5 years older than when I do drink lots of water. My skin looks totally different.

4. Eat healthy oils. This is another one that shows up in my skin. Consuming approx 2 teaspoons of olive or canola oil day makes my skin look younger. (I started consuming oil for other reasons, but after a week I looked younger)  It's like moisturizing from the inside out.

5. Find ways to enjoy being in your body. I don't like the word exercise because that sounds like such a punishment. But enjoying being in our body makes us younger. I like to go for walks, esp in the mountains, and I practice yoga pretty much every day. Some people love to swim. But find something that makes you happy to have a body so that you can do this thing --whatever that is for you.

6. Start collecting images of older women who look fantastic, such as Helen Mirran, who is still totally a knockout at 65!  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000545/

Believing that you are old and past your expiration date is such a limiting belief. If you believe that, it will become true for you. But there's no real reason for that to be true.

(BTW, my lower tummy looks like hell too. No one sees it but DH, and he usually has his mind on other things at the time.)

[CatsCradle]

Okay, I'm not nearing my 30's.  I'm nearing my 50's!  OP, I gotta tell you that at around 30 these things really bothered me a lot.  Maybe because there is sort of a recognition that you are approaching middle age, losing the carefree notions of youth.  It starts to hit home around that time, at least for me it did.

One thing that really helped me was to focus on health, rather than youth.  Exercise and eating well can really change one's focus from 'how do I look' to 'how do I feel?'  For me at least, feeling well and healthy contributed to my self-esteem in huge ways.  It didn't/doesn't matter that I have wrinkles or greys.  I feel really good and that often will translate into feeling super attractive, even if it is not a flawless, youthful attractiveness.  As I said, I'm closer to 50 than say, um, 45, and I feel better about myself than I have ever felt in my life.  I think most of this has to do with the fact that I've come to terms with aging per se, but I have not come to terms with being unhealthy.  My goals have shifted from 'how does my face look' to 'how can I get the most bang for my daily buck?  I really want to be around for a long time.  DH is an old geezer and but he is in better shape and healthier than most 20 year olds.  He knows that he is all wrinkly and craggly but feels good about himself.  

I'm not trying to undermine your current despair, but  let me tell you, we have all been there (those over 40, maybe younger).  It really does take a shift in focus and I think the first step is exercise and eating well. It is amazing how your self esteem starts resurfacing when your body actually feels challenged and good.  

[Snapdragon]

okay these a really expensive products and Iddon't know  how much you want to spend but I adore the dr Hauschka skin care products
especially the rose face cream

it does wonders for my skin

http://www.drhauschka.com/

[kittywitty]

Thank you all. You women have such great attitudes about it! I was that way until just this past year. I think the biggest problem is chronic pain. My back is constantly hurt in some way or other and I've had osteomalacia patalae since I was a teen, so it sucks not being able to be as active as I'd like. It makes me feel 50 years older!

[wagamama]

I'm 42 with two young kids, and have been feeling "in crisis" about aging for awhile. My face has changed. It really has. I have really prominent nasolabial folds, if you know what those are :)

And I have trouble even buying clothes anymore, because I don't like the way they look w/ my older-looking face.

And I have been so tired, raising two babies the AP way. I only started sleeping well again last month, after 5 1/2 years.

It has really been hard .. and yet I feel foolish for worrying about how I look.

I do feel inspired, however, by some of the OP's comments. I DO need to take better care of myself!