BTDT parents... what next with my 21mo?

[emmaegbert]

BTDT parents.... should I "do" anything different or just go along as I am? Here is the story:

Started p/t EC with DD when she was 2mo. Used cloth diaper backups a lot of the time but very happy with the overall process.

By the time she was 15mo we were ready to transition- most of the time- to trainers. We still have some misses- almost always pee. She often said her word for potty a few moments before eliminating- so that as long as you were paying attention and could get her to the potty quickly, she usually made it. But then... it seemed like she stopped with the warnings.

As of yesterday she was 21m. She has plenty of words to communicate about elimination (pee, poop, bum, potty, undies, diaper, pants). She is just so infrequent about giving any warning on having to go potty. Also, the past few weeks she is much more likely to insist that she doesn't have to go potty, and then not 5 minutes later, pee in her pants. So, I feel like we still use primarily timing. She almost always holds her pee all night, and never wets during naps or anything. We catch virtually 100% of poops-- pretty much always have from the get-go. But pees are so much more hit-or-miss. We'll go days where she is dry and then, like yesterday, three wet pants in one afternoon (and twice that was right after she really fought me about not wanting to use the potty).

She tells us while she is going. I always take off her pants and if we are near a bathroom I immediately put her on the potty (in case she isn't done...). Sometimes I catch her mid-go. Yesterday she sat there and pointed at her wet pants saying, "I potty, pee pee pants". I said, "pee is supposed to go in the potty, not in your pants". She looked at me with a sort of sad face (I don't think I sounded mad or anything, but she is very sensitive about doing the wrong thing).

She plays lots of games about the potty (dolls and animals use the BBLP, the toy potty, the real potty). She has several choices about where to use the potty (flip-down seat, BBLP, reducer ring on the potty at grandma and grandpa's house upstairs). As I said, plenty of language about the potty and the whole process.

A funny thing is, I swear she wets LESS if she is in diapers than undies. Today she's out with papa... I told her she was wearing diapers because she has been peeing in her pants a lot and diapers can help to catch pees. She just looked at me and cooperated with wearing the diapers.

I dunno. Things sound like they are going well? Should I just stick with timing? At some point (lol, maybe when the cold weather is eased up) should I just stop taking her myself and see if she will initiate it? And let her wet her pants more often (which she doesn't like)? Other thoughts?

I'm not upset about how its going, I guess I just wonder when will she take over?

[PeachBaby]

Originally Posted by emmaegbert 

She tells us while she is going. I always take off her pants and if we are near a bathroom I immediately put her on the potty (in case she isn't done...). Sometimes I catch her mid-go. Yesterday she sat there and pointed at her wet pants saying, "I potty, pee pee pants". I said, "pee is supposed to go in the potty, not in your pants". She looked at me with a sort of sad face (I don't think I sounded mad or anything, but she is very sensitive about doing the wrong thing).

I wonder if she pees in her pants, maybe you could ask her something like, "Oh, would you feel better if you made the pee pee in the potty instead?  Let's try that next time."  Then that way the focus is on what she can do to feel better instead of what she did "wrong" if she is that sensitive.
 

I think you're dealing with this great!

[emmaegbert]

Originally Posted by PeachBaby 

Originally Posted by emmaegbert 

She tells us while she is going. I always take off her pants and if we are near a bathroom I immediately put her on the potty (in case she isn't done...). Sometimes I catch her mid-go. Yesterday she sat there and pointed at her wet pants saying, "I potty, pee pee pants". I said, "pee is supposed to go in the potty, not in your pants". She looked at me with a sort of sad face (I don't think I sounded mad or anything, but she is very sensitive about doing the wrong thing).

I wonder if she pees in her pants, maybe you could ask her something like, "Oh, would you feel better if you made the pee pee in the potty instead?  Let's try that next time."  Then that way the focus is on what she can do to feel better instead of what she did "wrong" if she is that sensitive.
 

I think you're dealing with this great!

Good point... my first was (and still is) NOT an "eager to please" type, and I think I am not always as sensitive to DD as I should be. Focusing on the positive and her potential and ability is a good thing to remember. I certainly don't get mad or anything... but of course I don't like it when she pees herself.

Today she argued a lot about not wanting to go potty. Then a couple minutes later she did say, "pot, pot" (not what she normally says but whatever- it had been 3 hours!) so I whipped her onto the potty and she went. I said, "thanks for telling me so I could help you pee in the potty". She's just in this thing right now about reflexively refusing.... I do remember with DS that at some point in toddlerhood he really wanted to make the choice about things, even when his choice was to do what I asked, but 2 minutes later...
 

[mtbmomma]

No help, just that at 27 months we are in the same spot exactly.  I EC'd part-time from 6 months on, and I thought we were completely done at about 18 or 19 months, but now at 27 months I don't feel like we are in any different of a place then others who did regular potty learning.  This is not to say I would do it any differently next time, other then starting EC earlier, but just that I agree it is frustrating.  

I don't have many tips, although we did finally break down and use potty treats last week and that has worked wonders for getting past the fighting to try sitting on the potty.  I think in general I really need to let go and just have her go naked on the bottom all day for a couple days and let her dictate when she needs to pee.  For me that is tough, both because I can be a controlling person and more so because we live in a carpeted apartment.  Anyways, good luck, I hope others chime in with some  good advice.

[blackbird2]

Hello.  I have a 2.5 yr old that we've ECed since a couple weeks old.  I'd say it sounds like you're doing great!  Personally, I found that the time when EC starts to overlap with traditional or early potty training a little stressful.  I had to keep reminding myself that EC is not a race to potty independence, just another way to keep my child clean and dry.  And 'progress' is just slow - and non-linear.  So I would say just keep on doing what you're doing and stay relaxed.  As to when she'll take the initiative, good question.  I think it depends on the kid.  Also, wanting to be in control/take the initiative doesn't mean they'll always get it right  :)

[milly5]

What if, instead of asking her does she need to go potty, you say it's time for potty, and you also go, and in terms of offering her a choice, you can ask her does she want to use the potty or the toilet ring?

[emmaegbert]

hey guys, thanks for the encouragement! I backed off a bit and we stopped arguing about the potty, and she seemed to be making less fuss. That miss 5-minutes after refusing pretty much stopped. Actually, I think she started holding her pee too much- I was afraid a few weeks ago she was developing a UTI (I really had her pound the drinks, and I think she was fine)

Plus, In the past week or so things are taking a turn for the better. I posted about it! :)