are we letting baby cry it out by accident? - Page 2

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by PatioGardener 

Also, that need you feel to comfort him when he cries.  You know, that one that gives you ants in your pants and makes you want to rush over and grab him?  It's completely OK to listen to that feeling! I cannot imagine ignoring it. You will not spoil him.

This is so true. There is a quote by Dr. Sears, that I'm paraphrasing here, that basically says, "Babies spoil the way fruit spoils-- by being left on the shelf alone."

[violet_]

Sounds like my DD at that age. It's exhausting, but then there's not really much else you should be doing now. It's good your DH helps out when you need a break, since so much has to fall on you as the lactating one. No, it's not CIO, but as I used to tell my DH at that age: "If she's still screaming, then you might try a different approach.." Sometimes nothing would help, but often we could soothe her if we stood up, held her vertically, or, more often, bounced up and down on exercise balls. Exhausting, but worth it when she calmed down. Remember this too shall pass.

[ABMama]

First off, hugs to you mama. I can just imagine the stress that you are feeling right now when it seems like nothing but your breast will comfort him. I remember with my first and now my third the overwhelming feeling of being touched out and needing for my own cup to be filled up. 

It is completely normal for babies to ramp up like this, and once they feel comfortable they will back off a little. It seems that right at this age is when they need us most, but we start to feel the after effects of becoming a parent for the first time. 

Do you wear your baby? I only ask because wearing mine in a stretchy wrap SAVED my sanity. 

I was able to do things that I wanted to do, and pop my son on the breast and go about my day....kind of getting a mental break because it just felt like I was pregnant still. So then at night I did not feel so drained. 

I know that it is probably irritating to hear, but try to *enjoy* these moments as best you can. My baby is 6 this may and I look back fondly to the all the snuggles that he let me have, even though I remember that being the most tiring and trying time of my life so far. 

Don't be so hard on yourself mama! You are wonderful. 

[Llyra]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

While I agree that holding a baby in arms is not CIO, I have to agree with the posters who say that he really should be able to nurse as often as necessary this early on. If he calms down and sleeps well nursing but cries for 20 minutes when dad holds him to get him down, then it sounds like he needs the comfort of the breast to sleep-- which is normal, especially this early in his life!

This would be my feeling as well. For a newborn (well, for older infants too, really) the breast is not just about hunger.

[LHcj2008]

Wow, so many responses to respond to! I am typing with one hand...bet you all can guess why!

First off, I agree that nursing is more than hunger for newborns, especially for my baby. I know and also believe it is a big source of comfort & security, which is why I said he is a huge comfort nurser. I don't really mind giving him the breast whenever he cries after we have changed his diaper & all that.

That being said, as much as he would prefer to nurse for hours straight until falling asleep, often I will nurse him for an entire 2-hour movie and he will seem asleep, then I will pop him off or move him to my chest (upright) and he wakes right up! And wants to go more...and the thought of putting in another hour or 2 is exhausting. I do it sometimes, but realistically I cant always nurse him for hours on end without a break. That is where my husband steps in to try to help him sleep aside from nursing. If nursing works to get him to sleep when he obviously wants to, then there isn't an issue. It's when I've already been nursing him for hours like last night without him able to get to sleep that my husband will give me a break and try to rock him & shush him to sleep.

We keep him swaddled pretty much 24/7. And we do have a wrap that I have carried him in both upright and laying across my chest nursing. The problem with that is that I feel that I have to anticipate putting him in it and have it wrapped long before I nurse him, b/c once he ultimately does fall asleep, I have to put him down to tie it up as fast as I can like a madwoman, and he wakes up as soon as I put him down. Aaaand, nurse-to-sleep cycle starts all over again. One of my friends has a Maya ring sling that she slips right over her baby once she has fallen asleep on her chest, and baby remains undisturbed, so I may try this.

When I mentioned that my baby was crying for 20 min while my husband rocked him, this is not 20 min straight of crying. He will get quiet, close his eyes, etc, but will wake back up and cry some more. So it is 20+ min straight of tring to get him fully asleep with off and on crying, until he is fully asleep. If his crying was 20 min straight, I would make my husband give him back to me to nurse him.

My other concern is that, when I am nursing for hours on end, I can't anticipate it enough to get enough ready to drink and eat at arm's reach, so I don't think I am getting nearly enough calories or hydration.

In response to another's post, I have thought he may be a bit refluxy b/c he is gassy a lot and spits up often. However, I had an oversupply issue b/c all his poops were green (all of them) the e ntire first 3.5 weeks. B/c he is my first, I didn't know they werent supposed to be green. Well, I started block-feeding, and now everything is bright-yellow orange. I now get multiple let-downs per feeding (never felt the let-down until week 4.5 of BFing, so not sure if this happened before), so not sure if he is still getting too much foremilk? But, if he is on a side nursing for over 30 min, wouldnt he likely get enough hindmilk too?

[katelove]

Originally Posted by LHcj2008 

Wow, so many responses to respond to! I am typing with one hand...bet you all can guess why!

First off, I agree that nursing is more than hunger for newborns, especially for my baby. I know and also believe it is a big source of comfort & security, which is why I said he is a huge comfort nurser. I don't really mind giving him the breast whenever he cries after we have changed his diaper & all that.

That being said, as much as he would prefer to nurse for hours straight until falling asleep, often I will nurse him for an entire 2-hour movie and he will seem asleep, then I will pop him off or move him to my chest (upright) and he wakes right up! And wants to go more...and the thought of putting in another hour or 2 is exhausting. I do it sometimes, but realistically I cant always nurse him for hours on end without a break. That is where my husband steps in to try to help him sleep aside from nursing. If nursing works to get him to sleep when he obviously wants to, then there isn't an issue. It's when I've already been nursing him for hours like last night without him able to get to sleep that my husband will give me a break and try to rock him & shush him to sleep.

We keep him swaddled pretty much 24/7. And we do have a wrap that I have carried him in both upright and laying across my chest nursing. The problem with that is that I feel that I have to anticipate putting him in it and have it wrapped long before I nurse him, b/c once he ultimately does fall asleep, I have to put him down to tie it up as fast as I can like a madwoman, and he wakes up as soon as I put him down. Aaaand, nurse-to-sleep cycle starts all over again. One of my friends has a Maya ring sling that she slips right over her baby once she has fallen asleep on her chest, and baby remains undisturbed, so I may try this.

When I mentioned that my baby was crying for 20 min while my husband rocked him, this is not 20 min straight of crying. He will get quiet, close his eyes, etc, but will wake back up and cry some more. So it is 20+ min straight of tring to get him fully asleep with off and on crying, until he is fully asleep. If his crying was 20 min straight, I would make my husband give him back to me to nurse him.

My other concern is that, when I am nursing for hours on end, I can't anticipate it enough to get enough ready to drink and eat at arm's reach, so I don't think I am getting nearly enough calories or hydration.

In response to another's post, I have thought he may be a bit refluxy b/c he is gassy a lot and spits up often. However, I had an oversupply issue b/c all his poops were green (all of them) the e ntire first 3.5 weeks. B/c he is my first, I didn't know they werent supposed to be green. Well, I started block-feeding, and now everything is bright-yellow orange. I now get multiple let-downs per feeding (never felt the let-down until week 4.5 of BFing, so not sure if this happened before), so not sure if he is still getting too much foremilk? But, if he is on a side nursing for over 30 min, wouldnt he likely get enough hindmilk too?

A couple of things to try

- are you able to feed him in the wrap? That way you don't have to anticipate or prepare long before. When you're about to feed, put him in the wrap, sit down to feed. Then it doesn't matter when he falls asleep.

- do you feed in the same place each time? Can you? I would suggest you set up a "feeding station". Water bottle, non-perishable snack foods, book, iPod, remote etc. Then, again, it doesn't matter if it's a short feed or a long one everything is at hand.

- he probably is getting hindmilk if he's on one side for 30 mins but, if he's still showing signs of foremilk overload, leave him on the one side for longer. A whole session if you like. Then offer the other breast at the next feed.
 

[Knitting Mama]

I agree with the "feeding station." I still have vestiges of mine at nearly 10 months. I don't keep piles of snacks nearby anymore, but I do keep a big 2-quart water bottle on the couch so that when I'm pinned here nursing, I have water. But back when Cecilia was tiny, my station included the aforementioned water bottle, lots of easy snacks (nuts, crackers, fruit, sometimes cheese), my Kindle, phone and charger, etc. I was on the couch CONSTANTLY nursing, it felt like, so those were pretty necessary.

[lookatreestar]

ahh that makes more sense, i thought you mean 20 minutes straight crying. 

i also agree with setting up a station. and as baby gets bigger you will be able to put them down after wearing them to sleep or nursing them to sleep. i can't remember the exact age/months but it does happen they just sleep so light right now. (which is actual a really good thing).

[Knitting Mama]

For us it went about like this: First 3 months, Cecilia only napped on me, swaddled. Not even on anyone else, just me. She slept in my arms at night too. Around 3 months I started trying the swing and she started being okay with it (swaddled). Gradually she began taking more and more of her naps in her swing. Around 8 months (she's tiny, so she was still easily under the 25 lb weight limit for the swing) the motor on her swing began crapping out on us. We tried to replace it and it worked for a few days but eventually just bit the dust completely. So I decided to transition her to napping in the bed where we all sleep at night. She now, at almost 10 months, sleeps just fine in the bed for naps (still swaddled, in a very stretchy Woombie with legs), and still sleeps in my arms at night.

[stik]

My kids were marathon nursers too.  It hurt, a lot, especially at the beginning.  You mentioned your nipples.  Soothies gel pads are awesome.  You can chill them in the fridge. 

Obviously, your ds has a well-established latch and he sucks really well.  Between this and his age, I can't imagine how a pacifier would cause nipple confusion.  Everyone is happier when they are well rested.  I think it's probably worthwhile to offer a binky.

[chellebee]

Crying in arms is not CIO. It does not come with the same physiological effects on baby as literally crying alone.

Comforting at the breast is great, but I say do what you need to get a break. It sounds like he has a very high suck need. You won't be able to comfort him at the breast if your nipples get too sore and if you get too touched out. Or you will continue doing it, unhappily. Happy mom = happy baby.

We're not a pacifier family, but only because of who my kids are. If this were my baby, you bet I'd be trying one.