Ok-so I've started cramping. I know this can be totally normal, and that's well and good-but I'm not able to relax about it, because I've been having a lack of symptoms and etc. I think this is going to end in miscarriage.
I made the mistake of telling DH who essentially told me all the ways I CAUSED this to happen, and how I'm IGNORANT and STUBBORN because I won't have a bunch of tests that will essentially not lead to any other conclusion besides the one we have now-"Try and see what happens".
He's actually angry with me-specifically me. And I'm stressed, and he left me with the kids and has been gone for 2 hours. I understand that men deal with grief and fear in different ways, and I'd be fine with him being angry. I'm just NOT fine with being his verbal punching bag, especially when I am already dealing with a multitude of emotions and stresses!
I am hoping these cramps are just normal and will go away-but they do feel a little "hollow" like they do right before my period. So now what-he's going to find all kinds of things to say and do to make my life difficult until I tell him we can try again? After he promised me when we got pregnant with the second loss that this was the last try...and then the same promise after the third lost pregnancy started...and then before we got pregnant this time!
Ironically, I haven't started to bleed yet-and maybe I won't, but instead of being here helping with the kids so I can rest just in case-to give me the best chance possible, he left me without saying where he was going, and I'm here stressed and cleaning the house....
I am feeling so sad-and hurt-and betrayed. Just when I need him, he dumps me. It's like I no longer have value to him if I can't or won't reproduce.