Help! Son Crying Over Pizza!

[mamababamba]

Ds has some mild sensory issues, is gifted and won't eat the pizza he was looking forward to the last couple of days. He said he liked TJ's frozen pizza. I bought cheese pizza and some pepperoni to add to it. He is now in tears saying he doesn't like it that there is another pizza he meant...dh and I are having mashed potatoes and tempeh stirfry which he won't eat...I don't want to make a third meal but dh and I also had bad food experiences as kids and don't go for the finish it at the table or else! Where is the middle ground? Therapy?

Thanks for any advice and for keeping me from screaming!

[joensally]

How old is he?

[Smithie]

Middle ground is "don't complain at the table, eat what you want and leave the rest, the next meal will be served in the morning." 

I've got one of those "twice exceptionals" myself. He's almost seven. We adore him, but that doesn't mean we hop on the crazy train with him. Disappointments happen (not the food you envisioned, not the present you envisioned, etc.) and overtly negative reactions to such things are deeply ungracious. 

Case in point: Virginia Woolf and the pudding. She was a pretty smart kid herself, but a little more home training would have made her much easier to socialize with as an adult! 

[Marsupialmom]

I for the most part agree with Smithie.

I do have a child with reflux and allowed her to modify foods or get her own easy foods.  Your child needs to learn to self regulate what he can and cannot eat.  He also needs to challange his sensory issues.  

[mamababamba]

Okay...I will need to work on less catering...he is 9. He eats well but from a limited selection. His favorite meal is salmon, rice and asparagus...not bad! Tonight he apologized but did not eat the pizza. He ate the carrots and snap peas that went along with it. I then added an orange and some almonds. Almonds were sort of not a regular comfort food for him so I felt like at least I leveraged the opportunity to expand in some direction. He is pretty gracious, not so much insistent and spoiled but still not very adaptable.

Has anyone had luck introducing new foods to older children? He loves to cook and has always cooked with me, but just won't try things especially when they seem too mixed up aka soup, burritos...etc.

[KCMichigan]

Originally Posted by Smithie 

Middle ground is "don't complain at the table, eat what you want and leave the rest, the next meal will be served in the morning." 

 doesn't mean we hop on the crazy train with him. Disappointments happen (not the food you envisioned, not the present you envisioned, etc.) and overtly negative reactions to such things are deeply ungracious. 

This is what we do. I have a DD that struggles w/ SPD and a DD that has had eating therapy for oral motor tone. We were told (per feeding therapist) to not cater to them. Offer what is served, they will eat if they want- dont punish or bargain about food. Offer it- allow them to refuse, but dont allow it to be a power struggle.

Surprisingly, they are now (at 5) eat a lot of variety ,but still can be finicky. For example we had pork, rice, peas , bread last night. I added pears to their plate. They mostly at the pears and bread. Fine. (BTW they will eat pork & peas- neither eats rice). No big deal. We offered it, they chose not to eat it. End of story. They were not happy at the meal choice, but after 2+ years- they knew that the meal was what was available.

For somethings we will split it : goulash--- I serve their beans/noodles in one pile and the meat in another before I mix it up for the adults. One of my DD struggles with the sensory taste of mixed foods.

Originally Posted by mamababamba 

Okay...I will need to work on less catering...he is 9. He eats well but from a limited selection. His favorite meal is salmon, rice and asparagus...not bad! Tonight he apologized but did not eat the pizza. He ate the carrots and snap peas that went along with it. I then added an orange and some almonds. Almonds were sort of not a regular comfort food for him so I felt like at least I leveraged the opportunity to expand in some direction. He is pretty gracious, not so much insistent and spoiled but still not very adaptable.

Has anyone had luck introducing new foods to older children? He loves to cook and has always cooked with me, but just won't try things especially when they seem too mixed up aka soup, burritos...etc.

Yes, at 9 he needs to practice coping skills.

How does he do at resturaunts or at other peoples houses? Often you will get served things you may not be used to. It takes practice to accept it and be gracious about it.

Sounds like he ate fine- some protein, some veggies, some fruit.

It takes some adjustment. Make chunky stews (soup like) and let him use a fork, try smooth soups and dip bread in it, have an open face burrito that he can use a fork with, etc.

Just keep offering it.At 9, he could be aware of the nutritional benefits and will have distinct likes/dislikes.

[joensally]

Hmmm...I'm wondering if it's more about a disappointment/dissonance between what he expected and what it was, and he reacted strongly and emotionally.  Does he do that about other things?

The foods you list are pretty varied in terms of texture, intensity of flavour, colour.  Sounds like a better variety than my non-SPD kid :).  Not everybody likes everything, and not liking blended foods is not uncommon.

[beachcomber]

I agree in principle with Smithie and KCMichigan... BUT ... you are in a situation where you can't all of a sudden just lay down a new rule. First sit down with your partner and talk about what your expectations are of mealtimes. What do you want your kids to do or not do? What do you consider a "finished" meal? How much does your child need to eat for you to be satisfied? How important is it for him to eat what you serve or to eat what he wants? Is he getting balanced nutrition. Once you've figured out your expectations, then you can approach the table with a new set of "rules" so to speak. Start the change by talking about what happens at meal times. How meals get prepared. Get your DS involved in meal preparation. Often there is more buy in when the child helps with the cooking. What your DS can do if he doesn't like all the parts of a meal. What are acceptable ways of telling you (or others!) he doesn't like something. What will you do if he likes nothing?

Here's what we do for our DD who has tactile sensitivity, some eating issues around texture and foods touching, etc.

• She helps put the meal together. She's only 5 so that means she puts cut veggies into pots to cook, helps measure things into bowls for mixing, etc. She's learning to crack eggs and peel carrots now so that's expanding how she can help with meal prep. She loves making salad because she gets to rip the lettuce.
• She sets the table, choosing the plate and utensils she wants (colored plastic and melamine) and for her little brother. She also sets out our plates and utensils.
• She tells us how many spoonfuls of which items she wants when it's serving time. We started by just giving her 1 small spoon of each thing then letting her ask for more. That's expanded now to her telling us. As long as she tries everything we are satisfied.
• We also regularly check with her about things. For example, she recently decided she doesn't like cooked carrots in any form. So we've stopped giving them to her cooked. She helps us prep them, we leave some raw for her and put them on her plate. We routinely ask her if she likes other veg raw or cooked to see if things are changing.
• If she likes NOTHING on the table, we tell her we'll make her something else but she has to wait until we have finished our meal. We won't stop eating our warm dinner because she dislikes it. If she wants to try what's on the table she's welcome to, otherwise please wait. She's not allowed to leave the table, either. She must wait at the table.

She has definite issues around food being too mixed together. If I make Shepherd's pie or stew, I will often separate foods when I'm in the prep phase. If they need to be cooked together, I will take a few seconds to pull the meat and veg apart and serve them to her in separated piles. It's just easier than dealing with the freak out that comes if the potatoes are touching carrots she doesn't like eating cooked or whatever. I've also learned the fine art of pureeing soups. She'll eat any pureed items because she doesn't perceive them as a bunch of different foods mixed together. Sometimes I've been able to get her to eat things like stew or mixed up veg if I puree them and serve them as a dip with bread or corn chips.

[mamababamba]

Thank you so much for all of your helpful and thoughtful responses. He definitely does struggle when things are not as expected but is also just adverse to things looking different such as a square pizza instead of a round one. He generally does okay at restaurants because there are choices and sometimes I send back up snacks to share such as strawberries and crackers to sleepovers in case he doesn't eat enough of the dinner....he won't eat pasta....only ate it from ages 1-3. I think some of that is texture, some may be allergies that we are working on. He eats a wide variety of fruits, veggies, rice, fish, tofu, veggie protein things like Quorn nuggets, salami, and sometimes chicken. I think I do need to expect him to eat a little more of what we eat. I don't mind keeping the veggies separate or raw. Tonight he ate some regular chicken breast even though he normally would insist on some form of breaded nugget. It was a good step, so perhaps our discussion the other night is paying off. Thanks too for the puree ideas, while he is not big on dips he does like salsa so perhaps I can capitalize on that concept for some new trials.