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the lies

post #1 of 6
1/30/11 at 5:42pm
Thread Starter 

seriously the one thing i cant stand about my teenage girl is the lies...from the silly ones that ..yes i put my clothes in the wash...to the great big ones..lying about being at a friends for a sleepover and really being at a party in some kids house while his parents are away. its now gotten to the stage that i dont believe one word that comes out of her mouth. i have tried eveything form ignoring it, calling her on every lie, talking, shoutihng but nothing seems to work.  any ideas on how to deal with this?

 

edited to add she is 14 and this is not a new thing been going on for some years now.....

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post #2 of 6
1/30/11 at 6:13pm

I wish I knew, DS 10 is starting to pull some of this and i dont like it, its not acceptable and short of calling him on each and every lie, holding him accountable NOW, I dont know what to do.

Yes I am the truth police around here but I have no idea what else to do.  Everything from 'no I didnt put water in all the shampoo bottles (when it was obviously him)', to 'yes I fed the dog breakfast' when he didnt.

So I made him pay out of his money to replace the shampoos, made him go back and feed the dog etc.  We had a long today about loosing privlidges for lying.

 

** for the most part right now I think Im dealing with the silly lies but IMO a lie is a lie and its not acceptable.

post #3 of 6
1/31/11 at 4:00am

One thing that may help with the silly lies is don't give them the opprotunity to lie.  If you know they did something wrong just handle it without asking them if they did it first.  You know they did, no need to ask.  Its human nature, imo, to not want to get in trouble and therefore deny you did something you know you did wrong. 

 

I don't have any experience with the big lies.  Cateerob, I hope someone else can help you out.  GL

post #4 of 6
2/9/11 at 4:04pm

I'm in a similar situation with my 13 yr old ds.  His lies have become second nature, he just seems to spout them off without even thinking about it.  He knows exactly how I feel about it.  I've told him that I feel it's a shameful betrayal of the one being lied to, that he will never gain our trust if he can't stop.  I've even resorted to reminding him that if the habit continues, nice girls won't like or trust him.  He acknowledges that all this is true, yet it continues unabated each and every day.  I do understand the impulse to lie in order to stay out of trouble, but it doesn't even keep him out of trouble because I almost always know when he's lying. 

 

This makes me so sad and depressed.  It's hard for me to be pragmatic about it.  My moral ideals have always been very high.  I view lying as something despicable and weak. 

 

I hope someone comes along with some really handy advice, or at least a btdt, and and story about how their kid turned out fine.  greensad.gif

post #5 of 6
2/11/11 at 11:09am

my 14 year old dd is like that too. I will agree that its best to do everything you can not to give them an opportunity to lie.  I just had a talk with my dd about being an honest person. I went through a lying stage around the same age so I do understand. For me, I had to come to the realization that any dishonesty for me was like any alcohol for an alcoholic and if I wanted to be a good and honest person I would have to be good and honest in every way.  But I have no idea how to impress that realization on a kid. I wish I did.  I guess the right way to go about it would be to figure out the motivation behind the lying. For me, it was a lot of insecurity. I lied to other kids more than my parents so I did it to impress them.  For my dd I think that I've probably been to harsh with her which has made her into a sneaky person in order to avoid trouble.  And I'm sure her insecurities come into play as well.

post #6 of 6
2/11/11 at 11:43am

Have been dealing with this with my almost 9yo...it drives me insane!!  I do call her on it when she lies to me, but try not to give her the opportunity to lie.  When she's done something wrong that I need to talk to her about I usually preface it with Sis I know  you _________so please don't lie about it because your not in trouble now, but if you do lie to me you will be...

 

It has been working well for us lately.  I don't understand the reason that she lies about the little things that make no difference, but it does seem to be a phase that almost all children go through so I wouldn't worry.  My cousins did this (and I prob. did too...) and everyone has turned out okay!  For us the important thing is that they know what is expected of them and they are held accountable for their actions.  Easier said than done sometimes, btu it's working for us!