My biological family has met four of my dc. They don't know or care about me or my dc, and I cut off contact with them 7 years ago (there was a visit during an acute situation with my father). There is no way I would have *my* family visit, but I wouldn't refuse loving interaction and genuine care from healthy parents. I have constructed a small group of non-biological family and while they know me well, and do respect my mothering, they don't always really know what my ideals look like practically, so some gifts are not in line with my preferences, and some foods aren't either (though sensitivities now rule this for now, and they do care a lot about that, having discovered for themselves their own food-related health issues), but I just can't feel anything but joy that they consider and love my family.
My children were given fluorescent green freezies and lime & pepper chips nearly two years ago. They ate them all, and were sick fr two days beginning that night, vomiting. Of course if I'd known the reaction would be severe, I would have stopped them from eating them, but they'd never had that stuff before, and our friends were super excited to give it to them. Anyway, I said nothing about it (except to thank them and share in my dc's excitement and curiosity), and the next week, our friends called to apologise because they'd reflected on their choices and realised that it couldn't be more important for children to have junk than to eat real food, even if it seems exciting. I don't know how they came to that, if they'd read something or had a discussion about it, but it was months before they stopped thanking me for being s gracious and forgiving of their blunder. I was not disingenuous, though; I knew they had the idea that my dc are "missing out," but over a short time, seeing how healthy, skilled, and stable my children are, they concluded that there are so many ways to find excitement, that choosing ways that harm us isn't rational.
I was surprised at how my dc reacted; as I wrote, if I'd known, I wouldn't have allowed it.
Anyway, it's been two years since then, and they brought a huge jug of organic apple cider with organic mulling spices as a treat for our dc at christmas. I have never expressed any expectations of them, and their own love for my family has directed them to desire to do what allows us to connect, and we reciprocate that with them. It would have been terrible to lose the people we now love dearly, over a minor issue like freezies and chips (or plastic toys).
Many mothers have nobody to celebrate a birth with. The first celebration of a birth that I experienced, was this past summer, with my fifth child. It's important to take stock of what you have, before you lose it and have the sad reality of what you lost to grieve. I don't know what it would be like to refuse visits with loving grandparents, because my dc don't have any.