OpenMama--- I'm really sorry that you felt your family didn't respect your pregnancy and childbirth choices. I know what that's like, believe me. And I'm going to be dealing with it again soon, if we succeed at TTC! And also hope you aren't offended by some of the replies you've gotten here. I think everyone has tried to be as gentle and respectful as possible.
But I doagree with the majority of posters here. I know that ultimately YOU are the mama....but there has to be a balance. I hope you understand the importance of an extended family to a child. And that's EVEN the family you yourself may not get along with or see eye-to-eye with so well. I shudder to think what my childhood would have been like without my grandma, aunts and cousins. I just hope you understand that you and your baby arepartof an extended family as well and it sounds like you're trying to micromanage everyone else's relationship with the baby. This is not going to be successfulon any level, I can assure you. You can honor and respect your family the same way you want to be respected without setting aside your principles. There's nothing wrong with flexibility and balance. Personally, I can't afford organic clothing and nice wooden toys...If I was your sister or your mom I think I would feel at a loss and I think I'd feel rejected and hurt by all this.
For some perspective, I didn't even get to take my daughter home from the hosptial for the first month of her life. Forget babymooning! We were just trying to make the best of an awful situation. Both my baby and I were too tense in the sterile NICU, always with NO real privacy, to establish a good nursing relationship. As aresult, I have a low supply and we've had to supplement with formula from day 1 almost. I would never have gotten through that first month of hell without the support of my mom and brother and sister in law. They love my Annie too....she's MY daughter but she's also part of their lives and they love her. Babies need all the love they can get, you know. Not just from mama. And did that 1 month semi-separation hurt our bonding? I was afraid it would, but it really hasn't. DD and I are very bonded and the baby seems comfortable and loving in the house and in the family. She knows we all love her. The only collateral damage from the NICU/separation thing is our nursing relatioship isn't the best because of my low supply, but we still DO HAVE a nursing relationship. That one month didn't effect our bonding at all. So one month where your only problem is having to let other family members see the baby? I guess it's too late now, but with your next baby please know that it will NOT ADVERSELY AFFECT YOU AND YOUR CHILD'S BONDING to let extended family see the baby. Knowing what I know now because of my own experience, I can pretty much guarantee it. :)
HUGS to you, mama. I hope you feel better about everything and aren't "fuming" anymore.
As for the toys....I agree with what some others have said. A few plastic toys that light up and sing songs are NOT going to hurt your child. You might find them to be lifesavers for your sanity at times. ;) And if the rest, say at least 75% of the rest of your baby'stoys meet your stringent standards, then what's the problem?
Flexibility, mama. Love. Charity. Family. These things are SOOOO important!