Originally Posted by OpenMama
I am here, and I do appreciate the responses. I stand firm that my 30-day babymoon was important and okay. I don't owe anyone access to my baby, and just one month is not a terribly long time. After all, my in-laws and my parents had their chance to raise their own kids as they wished, and now it's our turn to do the same. Trust me - my son was still cute after a month. He was born in the fall, and I really didn't want him exposed to outside germs until he'd built up some immunity.
However, I guess I could ease up on the gifts. I do realize they are given out of love. However, I almost feel like if I tell you "Do not bring plastic junk into my home" and you still do it, it's like you're doing it on purpose to spite me - like a slap in the face. I know I need to tone it down. Grandparents ARE important, I agree, because I was very close with mine. I guess it's just hard to relinquish any control of this much loved child.
Thank you for your opinions and input. I do appreciate it.
You seem to be saying you've already made up your mind about your perspective on this....so my response may fall on deaf ears, but seriously..."I don't owe anyone access to my baby" is sooooo NOT a healthy attitude. :( First, I don't think anybody here was trying to say that you "owe" anyone anything. All the comments I read (including the one I wrote) are more about being more unselfish and loving and respecting your parents' feelings and their relationship with both you and their grandson.
Second point-- you don't own this little ensouled-by-God human being. You're his mama-- of course. But he is also a person in the world now, and he also has a family. I think if you respect your family's wishes to love and spend time with your child, you'll find the results (maybe surprisingly?) very, very rewarding. You are responsible for making the important decisions about your baby and how he's raised, but trying to micro-manage your family's relationship to the baby isn't going to yield good results.
Also....I say this very gently, but you're coming across in some of your posts with an ungrateful and hostile attitude. It may just be an online tone thing, I don't know. But I hope you don't speak to your family like that. :( Especially talking about gifts, (GIFTS!) as "cheap plastic crap". Please don't ever say that to anyone who's brought your child a gift! You have your family's feelings and wishes to show their love in the ways they know how on one hand, and YOUR ideas about how they should be showing this love on the other hand. Is it possible to come up with some kind of balance? If you want your baby to exclusively have wooden and organic cloth items, then you really need to go out and buy them yourself. You just don't dictate to other people what gifts they are to give you. Bad etiquette. And I don't know your family but I'd bet money that their buying you plastic toys that light up, etc. is NOT a personal jap or slap in the face to you. It's just, those are the toys that are popular, those are the toys that you're going to find on store shelves and those are the kinds of toys that babies love. Your parents probably remember that from when you were a baby. :) We have all kinds of little pianos and plastic balls that light up and stuffed animals that play music, etc. and my daughter couldn't be happier with them.
Now...all that said, while my own opinions haven't changed I do feel for you and I understand better now the reason why you did the babymoon the way you did. I didn't have a traumatic birth experience, but I had an EXTREMELY traumatic after-birth experience. The first 30 days of my daughter's life were spent in a windowless room in a NICU, and the hell of it was that she didn't even need to be there. :( (Which is a looong, super long story....buy if you're interested you can PM me or search some of my older posts from the end of last year to get an idea of what happened.) So I do understand that. I had to ask permission from the nurses on duty to pick up my own baby. It was hell. And when I did finalyl bring her home, I did want some time alone with her so we could FINALLY bond in the right way....I had visited her as much as I could in the NICU (unfortunately they wouldn't allow me to room in with her) and my baby completely rejected breastfeeding during that first month. In retrospect I think it was the stress of the NICU on both of us more than anything else, because literally the DAY we brought her home she started nursing like a champ. :) My point in telling you all that is this: not only did we not have any kind of babymoon but I never even get more than 2 uninterrupted hours alone with my baby the whole first month of her life. And guess what? She is very attached to me and we've bonded extemely well. In fact, I couldn't ask for better in that department, and we faced some pretty bleak circumstances there. So having some close family members see your child in his first month will NOT mess up your bonding with him. I can promise you that.
Also, as I mentioned in my first post....please understand how relatively expensive and hard to find organic cloth and wooden toys are. They really are. My husband has similar views about toys as you do, but we've only been able to get a few wooden things just because of cost. I would LOVE to get a big set of nice wooden blocks that'll last through all my kids' childhoods, but I can't find any online that we can afford. And I can't find any, period, in the brick and mortar stores we shop at.
*HUGS* mama! Sorry if my tone or writing skills were off and if I offended you at all. Not my intention at all.