Healing Trauma from someone else's birth

[Quaniliaz]

I'm pregnant with my third baby. My first two were both wonderful homebirths. I've been to around 30 births as a doula. I have friends and acquaintences who have miscarried or have had babies die shortly after birth due to (known) birth defects, I know that these things happen - they didn't have an effect on my first two births. But two weeks after my second daughter was born, a friend's little girl was born still. I attended the funeral. That experience, at that (really tender) postpartum time has really stuck with me.

I'm having a really hard time letting that experience go - I'm feeling anxious about my own birth, I don't feel like I'm connecting with this baby/pregnancy very well. I've tried EFT a few times (I'm sure I could do more here). I'm using hypnobabies, so listening to affirmations, etc.

I feel really stuck, and I'm not sure what to do. I'm due in March - so I feel like I need to get this resolved asap for my own birth to go smoothly! Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!!!

[HariB]

I wonder if you might get more responses if you take this to the Birth Professionals forum?  

Anyway--hugs to you, it does sound like you're stuck...maybe in grief (haven't let go to peace/acceptance yet)?  I can see where this sad event occurring so soon after one of your own births would make it all the more intense for you.  Yet it does sound important that you do keep moving through this, to help you connect with this next baby and approach labor calmly and positively.

Another stray thought that occurs to me is whether or not there is anything else going on in your life that is stressful or uncertain.  I know for myself that at times, when I can't really deal with one thing--maybe can't even pinpoint 'what's wrong', I can tend to focus on something else that is easier to 'see'.  KWIM?

Main thing is, you know it's time to deal with this--a good first step.  Again, the doulas over in Birth Pros might have the best insight for you.

all the best~~